Anonymous vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very disappointed in myself and my marriage. I guess it is my own fault as I never truly had career ambitions and was a bit lost after graduation. I wanted to marry someone well-to-do with the expectation that he would be the primary breadwinner. Plenty of women do this, but they at least select their husbands carefully, vetting them for their success potential. I married someone I thought was smart and interesting. He had a BA and MA in liberal arts and although a hard worker, only made about 90k at 30. I started to become impatient as my clock was ticking and I wanted the resources to be able to buy a house, have a child, start our married adult life. I made about 50k then to his 90k. He also had to pay about 1k in grad school loans so we did not have much left for significant savings.

Here we are at 34 and we do not have a house, a child or are able to proceed in both ways. I have a lot of anxiety and sadness about wasted time in a marriage where my dreams were not possible. I feel so bitter and angry, at myself and him.

OP is it possible your DH (dear husband) is in actual fact making much more than you think, or that you are actually making a little less and that adding those two figures together gets you a little closer to the desired average? Another thing he could be working on is the surprise house. Has he driven you buy, or even walked by or alluded to in particular houses, along the lines of That's An Interesting House, or I've Never Noticed That House Before. If so, watch out, as he may have bought it, or be in the process of buying it or acquiring it in some form or fashion in order to spring it on you. Would be interesting to know if you have noticed any of these telltale traits. As fa as the MA (Master of Arts) can you be sure your D.H. actually has this degree. Many people say they have one, or found one, when it is something they would like to do, but have not as yet. Not saying that is the case here, just something to consider.

WTH? This went to a very weird and paranoid place.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op- have you thought about raising your own income instead? 90K is not a small salary. But YOUR salary of $50K is extremely low for this area. I am a former SAHM, foreign born with a strong accent and gramma mistakes when I write in English.

I was able to secure a job at $65K in DC with 10-years gap on my resume.

If you make 200K together jointly and share parenting equally, it is totally possible to buy a house to raise a family in DC area : Kensington, Rockville, Silver Spring.

[Anonymous]

Get yourself together and make some money, you dumb ho

[Anonymous]

These are choices you are making, silly ones, but own that shit.

[Anonymous]

You could start by spending your time enhancing your career or working on a side hustle rather than troll posting on the web.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Op- have you thought about raising your own income instead? 90K is not a small salary. But YOUR salary of $50K is extremely low for this area. I am a former SAHM, foreign born with a strong accent and gramma mistakes when I write in English.

I was able to secure a job at $65K in DC with 10-years gap on my resume.

If you make 200K together jointly and share parenting equally, it is totally possible to buy a house to raise a family in DC area : Kensington, Rockville, Silver Spring.

+1 But I think OP has no career aspirations and wanted the "traditional" gender roles of the high earning DH and the sahm. She was expecting that her DH would be able to provide that for her.

I think OP's problem is that she thought the masters would equate to a higher income. So, she feels like there was a bait and switch. IMO, masters are meaningless now. It's like what a bachelors was like 30 years ago. That is problem #1.

The second issue is your gender role expectations. If your DH is not making the $$ that you want, then do it yourself.

My advise to OP is this:

1. either you need to make more
or
2. get a divorce and find yourself a richer man if you can.
or
3. temper your expectations

[Anonymous]

$50K is pathetic. Get a real job. The second you make $90K is the second you can open your mouth about your husband and what he brings to the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oNlY maDe 90k aT 30. Girl, bye.

Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Cringey post. Sooo basically it sounds like you were lost and aimless and didn't have much to offer, so your plan was to marry someone who was less aimless and had more to offer, enough to make up for your lack, but it wasn't quite enough to make up for your shortcomings and now you are disappointed in your marriage choices.

Oooookay. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Entitled much? Girl that's about 25K under our HHI now in our 40's and we have a home and two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very disappointed in myself and my marriage. I guess it is my own fault as I never truly had career ambitions and was a bit lost after graduation. I wanted to marry someone well-to-do with the expectation that he would be the primary breadwinner. Plenty of women do this, but they at least select their husbands carefully, vetting them for their success potential. I married someone I thought was smart and interesting. He had a BA and MA in liberal arts and although a hard worker, only made about 90k at 30. I started to become impatient as my clock was ticking and I wanted the resources to be able to buy a house, have a child, start our married adult life. I made about 50k then to his 90k. He also had to pay about 1k in grad school loans so we did not have much left for significant savings.

Here we are at 34 and we do not have a house, a child or are able to proceed in both ways. I have a lot of anxiety and sadness about wasted time in a marriage where my dreams were not possible. I feel so bitter and angry, at myself and him.

OP is it possible your DH (dear husband) is in actual fact making much more than you think, or that you are actually making a little less and that adding those two figures together gets you a little closer to the desired average? Another thing he could be working on is the surprise house. Has he driven you buy, or even walked by or alluded to in particular houses, along the lines of That's An Interesting House, or I've Never Noticed That House Before. If so, watch out, as he may have bought it, or be in the process of buying it or acquiring it in some form or fashion in order to spring it on you. Would be interesting to know if you have noticed any of these telltale traits. As fa as the MA (Master of Arts) can you be sure your D.H. actually has this degree. Many people say they have one, or found one, when it is something they would like to do, but have not as yet. Not saying that is the case here, just something to consider.

So your guesses are:

- OP's husband is making more than he is telling her he is?
- OP is making less than she thinks she is?
- OP doesn't know what her HHI is?
- OP's husband has secretly already bought her a house and is waiting to surprise her with it?
- OP's husband doesn't actually have the degrees he has told her he has?

OK, then.

That you felt the need to define DH is just the chef's kiss on this entire lunatic response.

[Anonymous]

Jeff, is this the same troll?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1047637.page

[Anonymous]

Get a new job, you sound like a LOSER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s actually possible to ovulate on that income.

LOL

[Anonymous]

90k at 30 isn’t bad. What about you though? Get yourself together.