Service to manage medical appointments for dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 80 year old dad has dementia and was recently hospitalized, had surgery and is now home recovering. My mother is taking care of him, but English is not her native language and a lot of information is lost in communication between her and the doctor visits. I live across the country and my siblings live 30-60 mins away from my parents and work during normal hours. Dad has a lot of follow up visits with his primary doctor, specialists, physical therapy, lab work, etc sometimes in person, sometimes telemed. Trying to manage all the appointments and taking care of my dad is causing a lot of stress for my mom. Is there a service that can help manage all of the appointments so that mom knows where to be and when? Would also be helpful if there were translation services. Something like a personal assistant or case manager for dad? Does something like this exist?

Geriatric case management exists and might be what you are looking for. In what city or town does your father live?

OP here, thank you for the input! Someone mentioned case management, so I wanted to ground truth that. My parents are Vietnamese and live in the Bay Area if California. Although they speak English they would understand better if they & the doctors could converse in Vietnamese. Is geriatric case management or medical case management through a private company? If so, any reputable ones out there?

I like the FaceTime/ phone call idea once they are at their appointment, I just worry that the appointments may conflict with my own meetings.

And yes, I can already see the frustration in the closest sibling to my parents. I think there is a lot of resentment that is growing in just the past week from feeling like I’m not helping out. I was hoping this case management would help alleviate the pressure and stress on sibling, too.

For those siblings who have replied that live closest to parents, what can I do from afar that would help?

I would start by calling / emailing the hospital and or medical practices where your parents get their care, and ask about translators and case managers. That will get you started.

Honestly, I think you need to ask your sibling what they would find helpful. We all have different strengths and frustrations. One person might want a few weeks off from being the designated person to get the emergency phone calls. Another person might appreciate it if you handle shopping and meal service for your parents and check in regularly with them and with your parents.

I think the important thing is that they know that you’re willing to share the responsibilities, so that they know and your parents know that everything isn’t all on the sibling(s) who are physically closest to your parents.

[Anonymous]

I would do a “family meeting” with the siblings to divide up what you can. It’s a good way to keep open communication so resentment doesn’t build, and you can brainstorm together what might be helpful, realistic and feasible for you to do from a distance. And just acknowledging your sibling’s contribution can go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 80 year old dad has dementia and was recently hospitalized, had surgery and is now home recovering. My mother is taking care of him, but English is not her native language and a lot of information is lost in communication between her and the doctor visits. I live across the country and my siblings live 30-60 mins away from my parents and work during normal hours. Dad has a lot of follow up visits with his primary doctor, specialists, physical therapy, lab work, etc sometimes in person, sometimes telemed. Trying to manage all the appointments and taking care of my dad is causing a lot of stress for my mom. Is there a service that can help manage all of the appointments so that mom knows where to be and when? Would also be helpful if there were translation services. Something like a personal assistant or case manager for dad? Does something like this exist?

Geriatric case management exists and might be what you are looking for. In what city or town does your father live?

OP here, thank you for the input! Someone mentioned case management, so I wanted to ground truth that. My parents are Vietnamese and live in the Bay Area if California. Although they speak English they would understand better if they & the doctors could converse in Vietnamese. Is geriatric case management or medical case management through a private company? If so, any reputable ones out there?

I like the FaceTime/ phone call idea once they are at their appointment, I just worry that the appointments may conflict with my own meetings.

And yes, I can already see the frustration in the closest sibling to my parents. I think there is a lot of resentment that is growing in just the past week from feeling like I’m not helping out. I was hoping this case management would help alleviate the pressure and stress on sibling, too.

For those siblings who have replied that live closest to parents, what can I do from afar that would help?

Start with this list for geriatric case managers in the Bay area: https://www.caring.com/senior-care/geriatric-care-managers/california/santa-clara-county . Read the reviews there and elsewhere online.

Caring.com has other lists for the nearby areas. Try to see if there is someone who speaks Vietnamese.

Best luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bigger issue here is what kind of surgery, why, and what the benefit is of all these appointments for a very elderly man with dementia. Maybe it's time for the family to levelset the goals for your father's care, because many doctors will let you treat everything and anything to really no end or purpose, just a whole lot of suffering.

I know that this wasn't your question, OP. But I have to somewhat agree with the above comment. I always make a point to ask "What would happen if we do nothing". If the reply is something like, "well, there is a chance that x,y,z could happen", and if x,y,z aren't things that would cause immediate consequences or pain... then I would just take my chances. There is so much over-treatment and low-level Medicare fraud for seniors in the US, that you really have to make a point of asking these questions. Is your father likely to live a long high-quality life with these treatments and appointments? If so, then by all means pursue. If they are unlikely to change his situation, you may simply be putting your mother through unneeded stress and prolonging suffering for your father. Perhaps less "treatment" will result in a higher quality of life for both of your parents.