Pumping Is Hard But The Guilt Keeps Me Going

[Anonymous]

Stop pumping. It's not worth the aggravation. My DW tortured herself with the pumping fiasco and I don't think it was worth it. We still needed to supplement with formula. It would have easier to just feed the kids with formula. The propaganda machine is really strong and it seems that women are almost brainwashed into being forced to pump/breastfeed. Sorry you're going through this OP but you really can just stop.

[Anonymous]

My pediatrician said that the biggest benefit of breast milk is in the first few days, then the first six weeks, then until the baby starts solids. So you're almost to the first six weeks; can you tell yourself you'll keep pumping until then, and then you can start the transition to formula?

Also, are you still trying to nurse? Sometimes babies who had a hard time nursing at first get better at it at about the 4-6 week mark, as they get a little stronger and more coordinated. You might consider trying again, so you can just nurse rather than pump, if that's what you'd like to do.

[Anonymous]

It's really not worth losing sleep or sanity over. I would quit

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written your subject line! Except, we're at almost seven months. Nearly every day (for months now) I contemplate quitting. I do wonder if I will look back on this time and shake my head at why I did not stop sooner! Baby is not a good nurser, so while I nurse once a day, I otherwise pump and he is still exclusively breastfed (though my supply is now starting to dwindle). I do not like pumping, but I feel inexplicable annoying guilt over quitting. So, two evils -- the dislike of pumping or the guilt -- both of which are annoying/uncomfortable in their own way. Not sure which is worse, so I just keep doing what I'm doing. We are going to start doing 1/4 formula in his bottles, however, starting next week.

OP, if you hate pumping, I think you should quit (do as I say, not as I do, right?). However, if you don't want to deal with the guilt, could you just pump less? It sounds like you've got a stellar supply, so could you transition to pumping 3-4 times a day? I was not able to do this initially, but a few months in, I was able to slowly reduce the number of pumps per day to 4, which helped.

[Anonymous]

If you really dig into the scientific studies there is really almost no long term benefit to breast milk vs formula. If there is a benefit it is so small that the the studies can't tease it out from all of the other factors that are involved (bonding between child and mom, saving money by not having to spend it on formula, the fact that higher income women feed breast milk more often, etc.) That said the breast milk vs formula decision is purely emotional for most people so they aren't convinced by this sort of factual type evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who pumped exclusively for six months, I don’t think it’s worth it. There are all these hypotheses about day and night milk and the mother’s body “reading” what the baby needs through their saliva and providing it in the milk.

I got into a rhythm with pumping and didn’t hate it. I just think it was a waste of time now.

OP here. It’s hard to believe there is no nutritional benefit from pumped milk? Is there really no benefit?

No one knows. All breastfeeding studies are tough to tease out causation and correlation, plus they use nursing moms (not pumping ones), so who knows if pumping provides whatever small benefits suggested by the studies.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I was exactly where you are at 1 month postpartum. My recommendation is actually to keep trying to breastfeed. I thought it would never work because it really didn’t for the first month. I have flat nipples and it was impossible to get baby to latch. But I just kept occasionally trying. I tried nipple shields, different positions, times of day, etc. Every day I would try at least once and finally around a month And a half it started working, and by three months postpartum I stopped pumping altogether. I also combo fed from birth to make my life easier, and I think that was one of the smartest things I did, so I recommend starting supplementing a bit with formula to give yourself a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been pumping for the last month for my newborn who didn’t want to nurse. It’s manageable, but rough at times. Some days I start to wonder if it’s really worth it and if I should switch to pumping. I hate all of the time pumping takes, but I do have a really good supply, and my baby seems to prefer breast milk over formula. It almost seems selfish to stop pumping because I have a good supply and I know it’s the best nutrition for him. Every time I have a hard day and want to quit, I instantly feel guilty, and then the next day is smooth and I forget about the hard day. This is a constant cycle I find myself in every week. I know he will be fine with formula but the thought of not being able to give him breast milk when I know I can leaves me with lots of guilt.

People will jump on me for suggesting this, but I would talk to your OB about this, and see if you can get a referral to a therapist or counselor (preferably one that does virtual sessions) so you can talk through this with a neutral party. She might be able to help you understand your guilt and sort out your feelings.

Ha ha! Everyone was waiting for you, PP. Telling a poster they need therapy is the free spot on DCUM bingo!

Post partum anxiety is real, and for many years, no one was willing to talk about it because of jerks like you who would make fun one them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who pumped exclusively for six months, I don’t think it’s worth it. There are all these hypotheses about day and night milk and the mother’s body “reading” what the baby needs through their saliva and providing it in the milk.

I got into a rhythm with pumping and didn’t hate it. I just think it was a waste of time now.

OP here. It’s hard to believe there is no nutritional benefit from pumped milk? Is there really no benefit?

Of course there's a benefit, especially in the very beginning, but there is also a trade off between your mental health and the time you can spend with the baby vs. pumping all day long. IME with two kids - one with whom I EP'd and one that I formula fed, there's no difference. Formula fed child is just as happy and healthy and active as breast milk fed child. They're 11 and 9 FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth it, OP. Either supplement with formula or switch to it altogether. Don't make yourself miserable. Having a happy and healthy mom is important for the baby, too.

This. Looking back at how much time I wasted and how much I hated it, wish I'd quit.

[Anonymous]

For all 3 of my kids, I felt very intense guilt and sadness when I stopped pumping but about a month after that felt such relief every time I thought “thank god I’m not trying to pump right now” and no lingering guilt about any of the 3. I think the guilt and sadness are the hormones and the finality and how drawn out the decision is (it’s not like you can just stop over night…it’s a drawn out process) but after the fact I’ve never heard anyone regret stopping when they did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I was exactly where you are at 1 month postpartum. My recommendation is actually to keep trying to breastfeed. I thought it would never work because it really didn’t for the first month. I have flat nipples and it was impossible to get baby to latch. But I just kept occasionally trying. I tried nipple shields, different positions, times of day, etc. Every day I would try at least once and finally around a month And a half it started working, and by three months postpartum I stopped pumping altogether. I also combo fed from birth to make my life easier, and I think that was one of the smartest things I did, so I recommend starting supplementing a bit with formula to give yourself a break.

OP may not want to breastfeed. She didn’t list that as a possibility so it’s either not possible or not something she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

I’m well on the other side of this with elementary age kids old enough that no one asks me how they were born, how they sleep, how I fed them or if they are potty trained.

It’s not worth it if it is detrimental to your mental or physical health. It is not worth it if it impacts your quality of life or ability to bond with your child. Formula is fine. Your child will still thrive and grow and have a healthy life if you use formula. There are so many ways to show your child you love them and to care for them that don’t involve squeezing milk out of your breasts for a few months.

I breastfed my kids so I have no personal reason to defend my own choices. I just don’t think BM is sooooooo magical it’s worth being a martyr over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who pumped exclusively for six months, I don’t think it’s worth it. There are all these hypotheses about day and night milk and the mother’s body “reading” what the baby needs through their saliva and providing it in the milk.

I got into a rhythm with pumping and didn’t hate it. I just think it was a waste of time now.

OP here. I do have a good rhythm and most days I’m fine, but like once a week when I’m tired I think about quitting. I make 32-40 ounces a day and freeze up to 12 ounces a day after he eats. It’s hard to give that up when I know I have a good supply and he prefers breast milk. I’ve bought extra pump parts and bottles and feel like I invested a lot of money in this to make it work. I feel guilty about all of it when I have those days that I want to quit.

So keep pumping and set a “quit date” (after another three months or six months) and the reassess when the day comes. But knowing there is an end in sight helps on the hard days. This is not your life forever.

This. I made it exclusively pumping by knowing I was going to stop when he was eating solids at six months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who pumped exclusively for six months, I don’t think it’s worth it. There are all these hypotheses about day and night milk and the mother’s body “reading” what the baby needs through their saliva and providing it in the milk.

I got into a rhythm with pumping and didn’t hate it. I just think it was a waste of time now.

OP here. I do have a good rhythm and most days I’m fine, but like once a week when I’m tired I think about quitting. I make 32-40 ounces a day and freeze up to 12 ounces a day after he eats. It’s hard to give that up when I know I have a good supply and he prefers breast milk. I’ve bought extra pump parts and bottles and feel like I invested a lot of money in this to make it work. I feel guilty about all of it when I have those days that I want to quit.

How many times a day are you doing it? I started cutting back on my sessions and didn’t lose any supply.