Leaving 3 y.o. for 9 days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids went on a trip with DH for 9 days around that age. My only advice is to understand it might be easier for her and your DH if you don’t call/FaceTime. My kids were fine - until they talked to me. You won’t know until you try, though.

+1 to this. My oldest always melts down when he FaceTimes with the parent who is away. He hates saying goodbye and also gets emotional when reunited, even when it’s just a 2 day trip. For him, it’s better to keep him distracted with other fun things while DH or I are gone, but every kid is different.

[Anonymous]

Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

But does DH want his MIL in his space for 9 days? Maybe he wants some extra help over the weekend but DD must be in daycare/preschool or with a nanny until late afternoon if both parents are working. I would let him decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

But does DH want his MIL in his space for 9 days? Maybe he wants some extra help over the weekend but DD must be in daycare/preschool or with a nanny until late afternoon if both parents are working. I would let him decide.

I missed that DD is only in preschool half days. That makes a difference in terms of coverage. But still make sure DH is okay with MIL there for the whole time.

[Anonymous]

I think it will be fine, but I'd find a reason to go away for one or two nights this spring or summer, so she's used to the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

Well maybe I have helpless mom syndrome because I’ve absolutely asked my parents or ILs to help when DH travels for more than a couple of days. They are available and willing, so why not? I don’t get an award for being a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

Well maybe I have helpless mom syndrome because I’ve absolutely asked my parents or ILs to help when DH travels for more than a couple of days. They are available and willing, so why not? I don’t get an award for being a martyr.

Maybe, but the phenomenon seems to be much more common with fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

Kid isn't in daycare and doesn't have a nanny and her DH works full time? I don't understand what's hard to understand about a working parent needing childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

Kid isn't in daycare and doesn't have a nanny and her DH works full time? I don't understand what's hard to understand about a working parent needing childcare

I am assuming that both parents work full-time and there is some other care in place aside from part day preschool. If the mother is responsible for the care of the child part of the day, then of course an additional person would be necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids went on a trip with DH for 9 days around that age. My only advice is to understand it might be easier for her and your DH if you don’t call/FaceTime. My kids were fine - until they talked to me. You won’t know until you try, though.

I agree. No FT at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -Why does your mom have to fly in? If your husband was leaving for nine days, would you have to fly in a grandparent?

Not OP, you don't sound curious, you come across as judgemental. I like having help and company when DH is away. I could survive without it, but it's nice to have the extra set of hands.

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

You’re a jerk but more importantly, you’ve completely missed the point of OP’s post. She isn’t concerned about her husband’s ability to care for her daughter. Her entire concern centers around her daughter’s emotional wellbeing simply because of her absence. As a feminist I share your rage at pathetic dads but that’s absolutely not the point of OP’s post. Do you find it impossible to believe that some women don’t want to leave their collagen just because they are concerned about the emotional distress it will cause them?

Because I relate 100% to this concern. I have a 2 year old I have never left because she is extremely attached to me. This is despite my husband waking up with her at 5 am and taking care of her alone for hours every morning, sharing overnight wake ups, and generally being an amazing, present parent pulling more than his weight. My daughter is still totally obsessed with me and greatly prefers me over my husband because biology. It happens.

[Anonymous]

What kind of travel is it that you have an important work trip that is 9 days long yet you just work half days? If your company is that family friendly, could you bring your kid with you?

[Anonymous]

Can dh (and grandma) plan something special for one of the weekends - a trip to Dutch Wonderland, chocolate tour factory, stay at a hotel w/ pool etc?

It'll give her something to look forward to, gets her out of the house so she isn't reminded of your absence, and you can spin it as Daddy-Daughter week.