Leaving 3 y.o. for 9 days?

[Anonymous]

I’m sure the OP has returned from the trip by now

[Anonymous]

Oh my bad. I meant to CLEARLY come across as judgmental because I can’t stand helpless dad syndrome and am just curious why he can’t handle one child for slightly over a week. I seem to notice frequently that when women travel, it’s a big production and a grandparent has to be for them. But when men travel it’s literally no big deal. The whole post is pathetic. OP has an important work trip and she’s second-guessing whether or not she should be able to take it. If her spouse had an important work trip, do you think he would be hand wringing about it on DCUM and flying in grandma? No. He would just take the trip. OP, your career is as important as that of your spouse, and your spouse is just as capable of taking care of his child as you are.

I agree with this general assessment - women perform so much more childcare and household tasks, even when working full time. Men do so much less and are applauded for the small amounts they contribute.

We oftentimes do not see the disparity or the bias because of the way we have been socialized. Take the trip and hold the partner to the same expectations that women would be held to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Go. She’ll be with the other parent, it’s not going to hurt her. You can FaceTime every day.

When my kids were under 6 I sent pictures or a short video message they could play over and over. I didn’t FaceTime because it was too upsetting for the kid.

[Anonymous]

I have done it and I absolutely would do it again. The break is incredible and they do fine.

[Anonymous]

For our DC, Facetime with the away parent at least once each day made DC much much more comfortable and happy. Our DC wanted reassurance that the travelling parent would come home and also talked with that parent about all the things which happened at school and home that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, in the long run, this trip itself won’t harm your child. Might it be stressful for her at the time, especially in the context of moving to a new state and starting a new school, sure. At her age, and with this much advance notice, there’s plenty you can do to prepare her for the trip. You can practice by leaving her with her dad for a night or two. You can talk to her about the trip and help answer concerns she might have. You can talk about what she’ll do while you’re away and all the things she’ll tell you when you return.

I don’t think it’s accurate to insist that your daughter “won’t mind,” because she might. It might be stressful for her (and you, in some ways). That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. So, I’d say go on the trip and also prepare her for it, along the lines of what I described above. If you have a strong relationship, you can withstand the time apart, even if you end up causing some temporary stress or she’s angry at you for going away or whatever. Those are the kinds of stressors that healthy kids can adapt to.

+1 exactly what this poster says. Most kids will "mind" and it will be tough at points. Even with the very loving ppl who are taking care of them. But it's not damaging, it's just something to work through. You should go OP and DH and your mom will be great and make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of travel is it that you have an important work trip that is 9 days long yet you just work half days? If your company is that family friendly, could you bring your kid with you?

I’m curious about this, too. Maybe OP is a consultant of some type? I haven’t seen this type of travel for a part-time job.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure it will be an adjustment and there could be some behavioral changes while you are gone, but in the long term she’ll be ok. Would I be ok? No. I would be sad to not be spending that time with my kid and probably would skip the trip because of this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Funny to see this thread come back to life! The trip was scheduled for last October. I ended up making the decision not to go, partially because of the reasons I described in my post, but also because I was pregnant and having a very difficult first trimester. Along with a move out of state, it was just too overwhelming to consider taking the trip.