Let's all come clean

[Anonymous]

Ok, I yell too and hate myself for it. Hmmm perhaps there is a dirty little secret here and more importantly, perhaps there are some ideas to help with the yelling. I really can lose it sometimes with my kids. I have a quick to frustration level (always) which has improved but is no where where I would like it to be. I see it in my kids too (learned/hereditary?) The bad thing, to me at least, is that when I talk to friends about it, they don't really offer any help, as I think no one who knows me can really see me losing it with them (I can keep up appearances pretty darn well). My husband knows and has talked with me about coping ideas, and thankfully is not one to pass judgement, but it stinks and it makes me feel lousy. BTW, I came from a yelling, dysfunctional family and I VOWED to not raise my kids in that environment.

[Anonymous]

wow what a great thread! I am guilty of all of the above as well. I sometimes wish I wasn't so impatient and that I would enjoy the time spent with my kids more. Some days it seems like such a struggle to keep my head up *sigh*

[Anonymous]

While I am not happy that many of us are sharing similar feelings of frustration, etc. I think it is helpful to look behind the curtain a bit and realize so many of us are strugging with the same issues. So perhaps we need to feel less guilty and just go with it and realize the moms we see who seem perfect are likely strugging with the same things. Whew. . . what a relief! Now, if us moms could only talk honestly in real life too! Thanks for the thread and the support, Ladies.

[Anonymous]

I yell at my dd in front of her friends.

[Anonymous]

wonderful thread, thank you. i'm guilty of all of the above too.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 7 months and
_I let her stay in her diaper all night because i was just so tired.
- Yelled at her when she wouldn't stop crying when she was only 2 months old
- Felt i made a bad mistake having a baby when I had a bad long day and had no time to sleep or rest because baby needs came first.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!! I am a working mom and always TRYING to balance being a good mom and and good at my job. I feel guilty that I don't let my nanny let my DD watch TV, but on weekend I let her watch. I feel guilty about being happy when my DD wants me over my DH. I feel guilty that I can't be a SAHM and at the same time I feel guilty that I enjoy my job.

[Anonymous]

All of the above. Feel terribly guilty for the amount of TV my kids watch (am a SAHM) and often think, my kids would surely be better off in daycare where they'd be interacting with kids/learning etc b/c I'm a horrible, disorganized mother who spends too much time on the internet or reading US magazine.

My biggie has to be when #2 was born, my then-2.5 yo daughter really bore the brunt of my post-partum depression/exhaustion and I feel awful for the way I yelled at her at times b/c she was just a baby herself and why couldn't I see that back then. I have a lot of guilt about the way I've treated her.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- I'm glad that so far people are using this thread as I had intended, and I hope this is at least helping some of us feel less guilty knowing that many of us do the same things and feel the same way -- we just have a hard time talking about it face to face. Seems like there's lots of guilt out there about yelling at our kids. I've done it a few times myself, and have felt awful about it, especially since my DS is just a baby and doesn't even know why I'm yelling. It's usually when I'm tired and not feeling well, but still, it shouldn't happen. I also feel guilty that I don't provide enough stimulation/activities and wonder sometimes if he'd be learning more in a daycare situation. I'll start bringing him a play group soon, so that should help. I also feel guilty that sometimes I think about going back to work and how I'd be happier if I at least worked part-time and had a few days away from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the above. Feel terribly guilty for the amount of TV my kids watch (am a SAHM) and often think, my kids would surely be better off in daycare where they'd be interacting with kids/learning etc b/c I'm a horrible, disorganized mother who spends too much time on the internet or reading US magazine.

My biggie has to be when #2 was born, my then-2.5 yo daughter really bore the brunt of my post-partum depression/exhaustion and I feel awful for the way I yelled at her at times b/c she was just a baby herself and why couldn't I see that back then. I have a lot of guilt about the way I've treated her.

I did the same to my 17 month old when I brought my ds home. I yelled at her for spitting, only to realize later that she was imitating his drooling. I also yelled at her for kicking while I changed her diaper. She noticed that my ds's legs kicked ( as an infant should) when I changed him.

[Anonymous]

I am guilty of the too-much TV and computer - for both me and my kids! I am a SAHM and I have to say I am not too bad with yelling, although I am screaming at the top of my lungs inside my head, sometimes...using lots of profanity, too! I am also guilty of not enforcing tooth-brushing, when I am so tired, at night! And my 2.5 yo is still taking a bottle to bed
I rationalize the occasional McDonald - telling myself, at least we don't get the fries! Also, rationalize that my nanny feeds them sooooo much better than me - so on her days - they eat very well!
I feel good about the fact that I am patient with my kids, that we read - a lot - together and that I tell them I love them, al ot! Something my parents did not express.

[Anonymous]

Many of things others have mentioned: sometimes too much TV if DH and I need to get something important done; not being as patient as I would like though I am making a concerted effort to be more patient (the morning, getting-dressed routine is particularly hard on my patience); and sometimes giving junk food (chips for breakfast? OK, but after some cheese!). The patience issue is the one, though, that I feel I really need to work on. The rest I figure is no big deal - TV is limited or off on other days, she mostly eats balanced meals with lots of veggies and fruits, etc. I am glad to hear that others are in the same boat (well, not glad for you, but glad that I am not alone!)...

[Anonymous]

i sometimes let the formula go longer than the 2 hours that it lasts for before you are supposed to throw it away and i heat up bottles in the microwave.

[Anonymous]

22:20, I could have written your post. I'm a SAHM and on bad days where I'm so tired I can barely grunt or smile I worry that my kiddos would be better off in day care, more stimulated and less subjected to my moods or "off"-moments. Or bursts of impatience, etc.

[Anonymous]

8:20. They are still better off with you.