Stunned to hear of a dear friends deep depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have struggled with depression for 20 years. I'm doing okay right now, but I have had extremely dark times where I had frequent thoughts of suicide and felt daily that I had no worth as a person and it would be better for my loved ones if I was no longer around. Even when I knew I needed to tell someone about it, it was extremely hard to do so. And when I did, there were occasions when the person I was talking to could not hear me. The vast majority of people I interacted with, including all coworkers and most of my friends and family, had no idea how hard I was struggling. Even the people who knew I was depressed or getting treatment didn't really know how bad it was.

It is the loneliest thing. It must have been so hard for your friend to open up to you. I hope you treat her with kindness.

OP here, so very sorry to hear of your struggle. Though I have not personally had depressive episodes, I have certainty had immense sadness ( a child with mental health issues which will be lifelong). Hope you are doing better. Yes, absolutely treating her with the utmost kindness, was happy she agreed to allow me to take her out this weekend for a day trip. I thought it would be good for her before she leaves next week. I am centering the day totally around what she loves to do and it will be far away from where we could bump into people we know as she said she is trying to avoid seeing people right now.

I adore her and her struggle has really shaken me, to see someone who I thought had it all in such a vulnerable position not only makes me sad but I feel compelled to help her in any way that I can. I came on here mostly to say, the adage "you never know what someone is going through" played out in real life for me. I know that I will certainly move forward in being kinder to everyone, because you really never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is evidence of my depression, but posts like this make me upset. The fact that people are so shocked that people are not okay even when they’re acting like it means that we are doing an extremely poor job educating people about what depression is.

What’s weird about this post is not just the surprise, but the surprise that this could happen to someone she is envious of — someone who seems so blessed by fortune.

It’s like we’re living in the Middle Ages, and rich beautiful people are favored by God? Like what part of you doesn’t understand that diseases don’t care who they touch?

But I suppose if it’s cathartic for you to witness the humbling of your friend, then sure… post away. I don’t see concern for her as a person. Just thinly veiled schadenfreude. Sad. Maybe that’s why she’s depressed.

+1. I agree with your perspective on the op's post.

[Anonymous]

Serious question. Are major depressive issues just another luxury that the rich get to experience? I am in an abusive relationship, with three children all with the same mental health challenges that my DH has. Life is very, very difficult. Life is miserable. I’m abused on a daily basis, always verbally, sometimes physically.

It would be such a relief to actually get some relief from the abuse and go to therapy to deal with my feelings surrounding the trauma. An inpatient stay at a psych ward sounds lovely, like a five star vacation. But I don’t have the luxury to do that, because if I left my family, then everything would fall apart because of my unstable the DH.

How “lucky” to be both majorly depressed, but also have people around you clamoring to help, and a place to go to have a retreat. I mean, I understand it is a chemical disorder, but not everyone is able to walk away from their daily life and responsibilities at the drop of a hat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a new genetic test you can take that tells you which medicine works best for depression.

That’s one possible answer, the other is that here something toxic in her life and her body/mind is telling her it’s in a very bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Are major depressive issues just another luxury that the rich get to experience? I am in an abusive relationship, with three children all with the same mental health challenges that my DH has. Life is very, very difficult. Life is miserable. I’m abused on a daily basis, always verbally, sometimes physically.

It would be such a relief to actually get some relief from the abuse and go to therapy to deal with my feelings surrounding the trauma. An inpatient stay at a psych ward sounds lovely, like a five star vacation. But I don’t have the luxury to do that, because if I left my family, then everything would fall apart because of my unstable the DH.

How “lucky” to be both majorly depressed, but also have people around you clamoring to help, and a place to go to have a retreat. I mean, I understand it is a chemical disorder, but not everyone is able to walk away from their daily life and responsibilities at the drop of a hat.

Same here but I am coming around to making peace with a divorce and mentally disordered spouse can have the kids anytime he wants up to 50%. He won’t know what to do so may not legally or in practice want that much time or responsibility. He certainly hasn’t cared for them anything close to it.

As for the kids, they will have to make their appointments and do their school work the best they can. A peaceful house 50-90% of the time without him in it will be vastly better than what they are seeing and going through now. It won’t be easy for you but it will be easier than current situation.

[Anonymous]

Ongoing trauma like immediately above x2, definitely creates anxiety and depression. Situational but it’s there. Take care. Speak out. Create support groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn. I can’t believe you just wrote this long public post about your friend’s struggle with depression. Yeah, yeah. It’s anonymous. But STILL.

This! Op, pls get it taken down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is evidence of my depression, but posts like this make me upset. The fact that people are so shocked that people are not okay even when they’re acting like it means that we are doing an extremely poor job educating people about what depression is.

What’s weird about this post is not just the surprise, but the surprise that this could happen to someone she is envious of — someone who seems so blessed by fortune.

It’s like we’re living in the Middle Ages, and rich beautiful people are favored by God? Like what part of you doesn’t understand that diseases don’t care who they touch?

But I suppose if it’s cathartic for you to witness the humbling of your friend, then sure… post away. I don’t see concern for her as a person. Just thinly veiled schadenfreude. Sad. Maybe that’s why she’s depressed.

This is my take as well. Plus you are very, very sheltered.

I agree. Tragedy masking “friends” like you posting this and self congratulatedly wringing your hands makes my stomach turn.

I’m attractive, well off and struggle with thoughts of suicide on a daily or weekly basis. Knowing people like you envy me makes it worse.

[Anonymous]

OP…. This is awful. Pls take it down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Are major depressive issues just another luxury that the rich get to experience? I am in an abusive relationship, with three children all with the same mental health challenges that my DH has. Life is very, very difficult. Life is miserable. I’m abused on a daily basis, always verbally, sometimes physically.

It would be such a relief to actually get some relief from the abuse and go to therapy to deal with my feelings surrounding the trauma. An inpatient stay at a psych ward sounds lovely, like a five star vacation. But I don’t have the luxury to do that, because if I left my family, then everything would fall apart because of my unstable the DH.

How “lucky” to be both majorly depressed, but also have people around you clamoring to help, and a place to go to have a retreat. I mean, I understand it is a chemical disorder, but not everyone is able to walk away from their daily life and responsibilities at the drop of a hat.

Same here but I am coming around to making peace with a divorce and mentally disordered spouse can have the kids anytime he wants up to 50%. He won’t know what to do so may not legally or in practice want that much time or responsibility. He certainly hasn’t cared for them anything close to it.

As for the kids, they will have to make their appointments and do their school work the best they can. A peaceful house 50-90% of the time without him in it will be vastly better than what they are seeing and going through now. It won’t be easy for you but it will be easier than current situation.

Me too. Man up PP and leave your husband.

You want us all to pity you but you’re not doing anything proactive. You think your kids living in a home with physical abuse is BETTER for them? It isn’t. So get smart. If he hits you call the police. He will NOT get 50/50. I know, because I escaped an abuser and got my three kids out with me. After being a sahm for over a decade I outearn him and have 80% custody. The 20% gives me a break and my kids are teens now so it gives them a chance to know their father without him hurting them.

Man up, mama. You can do it.

[Anonymous]

Dp. Same for verbal abuse. You need to break the cycle and not let your kids see the terrible dynamic between unhealthy/healthy parent or abuser/absorber parent.

Break the cycle. Extract!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Are major depressive issues just another luxury that the rich get to experience? I am in an abusive relationship, with three children all with the same mental health challenges that my DH has. Life is very, very difficult. Life is miserable. I’m abused on a daily basis, always verbally, sometimes physically.

It would be such a relief to actually get some relief from the abuse and go to therapy to deal with my feelings surrounding the trauma. An inpatient stay at a psych ward sounds lovely, like a five star vacation. But I don’t have the luxury to do that, because if I left my family, then everything would fall apart because of my unstable the DH.

How “lucky” to be both majorly depressed, but also have people around you clamoring to help, and a place to go to have a retreat. I mean, I understand it is a chemical disorder, but not everyone is able to walk away from their daily life and responsibilities at the drop of a hat.

In answer to your question, no: psychiatric issues are not confined to the privileged. But treatment for them often is. So you are fortunate to have the mental resources to cope with your situation but that does not make you more or less privileged in any way, you just don't have mental health problems. Since your husband does you should be able to answer this question for yourself. The world would be a better place if everyone who has them could afford to have mental health problems treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. I can’t believe you just wrote this long public post about your friend’s struggle with depression. Yeah, yeah. It’s anonymous. But STILL.

This! Op, pls get it taken down

Time for you both to take a serious chill pill. We are not in the DC area, far out of state. I was born n MD and still have roots there but have moved away. Some people are so uptight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. I can’t believe you just wrote this long public post about your friend’s struggle with depression. Yeah, yeah. It’s anonymous. But STILL.

This! Op, pls get it taken down

Time for you both to take a serious chill pill. We are not in the DC area, far out of state. I was born n MD and still have roots there but have moved away. Some people are so uptight!

I’m not one of those PPs. You need to do some introspection as to why you feel like you’re entitled to share details of someone’s personal struggle like this, even when faced with reasons why it’s in advisable. It’s not just that this individual might find out. It’s that you’re sharing somebody the details of somebody’s intensely private struggle, which doesn’t involve you in the least, to dissect for no discernible good. You totally lack compassion and if you were my friend I would not share my mental health struggles with you, even though I’m generally pretty open about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. I can’t believe you just wrote this long public post about your friend’s struggle with depression. Yeah, yeah. It’s anonymous. But STILL.

This! Op, pls get it taken down

Time for you both to take a serious chill pill. We are not in the DC area, far out of state. I was born n MD and still have roots there but have moved away. Some people are so uptight!

I’m not one of those PPs. You need to do some introspection as to why you feel like you’re entitled to share details of someone’s personal struggle like this, even when faced with reasons why it’s in advisable. It’s not just that this individual might find out. It’s that you’re sharing somebody the details of somebody’s intensely private struggle, which doesn’t involve you in the least, to dissect for no discernible good. You totally lack compassion and if you were my friend I would not share my mental health struggles with you, even though I’m generally pretty open about them.

Yes...it's not that someone will read your post and think "hey that's Barb!" It's the fact that you thought it was okay to share her story on an open anonymous board and dive into her story without her knowledge or consent. OP, I agree with your message that "no one knows the battle each person is facing" but you could have posted about that in a more sensitive and less intrusive way.