Stunned to hear of a dear friends deep depression

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who I’ve known for many years. Due to the fact that I went back to work about a year or so ago and Covid we have not seen each other the way we typically do. My job has involved a lot of travel so between that and having three young kids at home heavily involved in activities it has left little time for me to see friends on a frequent basis.

We speak here and there and text even more. I had a sinking suspicion that something was going on but I did not know what it was just a general feeling. Mind you, this is one of those people who seems to have the world at her fingertips. She is extraordinarily wealthy quite beautiful has the life most dream of so my first thought was maybe it was marital. Her H is at the very tip top of his field, high profile and super well connected which made what she is going through that much harder.

We finally got together yesterday and I was stunned when she revealed to me that she has been in a very deep depression not only in this last year but for about three years. And said these last few months, she has been suicidal. She said it has gotten progressively worse that she’s been on several different medications and is going to be going into a treatment facility next week. truly, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I immediately thought back to our many get-togethers,a number of parties that they threw at their home, several vacations that we had been on together thinking about how happy and full of life she seemed. It is amazing to me to think that she was going through all of this while having to put on the strong front (her husband is a bigwig in the big law world).

Bottom line when they say you never know what someone is going through, it is so very true. I was devastated to hear about how far this has gone and really hope that she will get the answers and healing that she has been seeking. if anything it reminded me to give everyone a break because you really never know what’s going on under the surface....this is a case in point.

I used to think she had it all, and often felt inferior to her but looking at her so frail and vulnerable, made me realize does not matter what kind of money or status you have, if you are not happy, the world feels empty.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to keep it to yourself, and let her know how grateful you are that she shred it with you. The secrecy and shame surrounding severe depression is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this often is not evident to the world.

I was deeply suicidal around the same time as I had an injury. I went to PT and on the first day they had me fill out a mental health screener - I checked off "no" on each and every question, although I should have checked yes for all of them. I remember thinking how absurd it seemed to me to expect anyone who is on the verge of suicide to be honest about their despair. I couldn't do it at all. I never opened up to anyone. Luckily I eventually emerged from that phase but I told not a soul throughout.

[Anonymous]

So true! Look at former Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst.

[Anonymous]

There's a new genetic test you can take that tells you which medicine works best for depression.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure you mean well, but please look over your post and ask yourself if the details you’ve provided would allow your fried to recognize herself from this description, or to allow someone who knows her / both of you to do so. If so, then consider deleting this, and instead, post focusing more on your own insights instead of details about your friend and her situation. I think your message is an important one, but IMO, it’s even more important to protect your friend from additional stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you mean well, but please look over your post and ask yourself if the details you’ve provided would allow your fried to recognize herself from this description, or to allow someone who knows her / both of you to do so. If so, then consider deleting this, and instead, post focusing more on your own insights instead of details about your friend and her situation. I think your message is an important one, but IMO, it’s even more important to protect your friend from additional stress.

This, for sure. Please do this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is evidence of my depression, but posts like this make me upset. The fact that people are so shocked that people are not okay even when they’re acting like it means that we are doing an extremely poor job educating people about what depression is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is evidence of my depression, but posts like this make me upset. The fact that people are so shocked that people are not okay even when they’re acting like it means that we are doing an extremely poor job educating people about what depression is.

What’s weird about this post is not just the surprise, but the surprise that this could happen to someone she is envious of — someone who seems so blessed by fortune.

It’s like we’re living in the Middle Ages, and rich beautiful people are favored by God? Like what part of you doesn’t understand that diseases don’t care who they touch?

But I suppose if it’s cathartic for you to witness the humbling of your friend, then sure… post away. I don’t see concern for her as a person. Just thinly veiled schadenfreude. Sad. Maybe that’s why she’s depressed.

[Anonymous]

Damn. I can’t believe you just wrote this long public post about your friend’s struggle with depression. Yeah, yeah. It’s anonymous. But STILL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a new genetic test you can take that tells you which medicine works best for depression.

I did genesight. it was not life changing for me unfortunately but it is worth a try.

[Anonymous]

You sound very sheltered, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anyone can be depressed, no matter how good their life may seem (or even actually be).

I have a good life: wonderful husband, great kids, healthy, loving family. I really have it all. I’ve still suffered from debilitating depression and had suicidal thoughts. It doesn’t go away just by recognizing all the good things in my life. It’s a clinical disease.

[Anonymous]

I have struggled with depression for 20 years. I'm doing okay right now, but I have had extremely dark times where I had frequent thoughts of suicide and felt daily that I had no worth as a person and it would be better for my loved ones if I was no longer around. Even when I knew I needed to tell someone about it, it was extremely hard to do so. And when I did, there were occasions when the person I was talking to could not hear me. The vast majority of people I interacted with, including all coworkers and most of my friends and family, had no idea how hard I was struggling. Even the people who knew I was depressed or getting treatment didn't really know how bad it was.

It is the loneliest thing. It must have been so hard for your friend to open up to you. I hope you treat her with kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is evidence of my depression, but posts like this make me upset. The fact that people are so shocked that people are not okay even when they’re acting like it means that we are doing an extremely poor job educating people about what depression is.

What’s weird about this post is not just the surprise, but the surprise that this could happen to someone she is envious of — someone who seems so blessed by fortune.

It’s like we’re living in the Middle Ages, and rich beautiful people are favored by God? Like what part of you doesn’t understand that diseases don’t care who they touch?

But I suppose if it’s cathartic for you to witness the humbling of your friend, then sure… post away. I don’t see concern for her as a person. Just thinly veiled schadenfreude. Sad. Maybe that’s why she’s depressed.

This is my take as well. Plus you are very, very sheltered.