How to ask a guy what he’s looking for?

[Anonymous]

Yiu don’t have to ask. I’ll tell you the answer: sex.

[Anonymous]

A woman said to me something like "I am looking for an emotional connection that will lead to a committed relationship." Too early to tell for sure, but I think this means "I understand that sex is going to have to precede long term commitment."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman said to me something like "I am looking for an emotional connection that will lead to a committed relationship." Too early to tell for sure, but I think this means "I understand that sex is going to have to precede long term commitment."

Um no. That is not what that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He'll give you the answer he thinks you want, even if it isn't the truth.

Yes.

Pretty much any time a woman asks "what are you looking for" they mean "I will only sleep with you if we have an exclusive, committed relationship."

Men know this so will reply in affirmative. Some men meet it. Others go on to band the other chicks in his Bumble queue.

Yep. Even in affairs- men will lie and say they are looking to leave their wives or very least that they “love you too”. Lying out their buttholes to keep having sex.

Sooo basically everything’s a gamble.

Well a man an affair is obviously a liar. And your already know the stats: you have a 2% chance of happily ever after. And then, what he does with you (cheat), he will do to you (if you one of the APs in the 2%). Hardly a catch

With singles, you turn on your radar. You get to know other people in his life. You judge his actions not the crap he spews out if his mouth. And you hear what he is actually saying, instead of hearing what you want to hear.

OP: this is good advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I really want to sleep with him. But also don’t know if I want to go through possibly being ghosted after.

Only way to find out if to have sex and see what happens

Who the hell ghosts after having sex? At least say no thanks goodbye. Tasteless/classless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going on date 3 tmrw with someone I like a lot so far, and I think it’s mutual, so far. Is it too soon to ask what he’s looking for? And what is the best way to ask him without sounding so forceful?

This conversation should have happened before you even went on a date, if you met online.

Say, "I am looking for _____, what do you think? What are you looking for?" Or, I just say, "What are you looking for?" Most men are honest about what they want, especially before you meet, if you are really hot.

[Anonymous]

I ask and get a variety of answers:

--looking for my person
--looking for companionship
--looking for someone to go to dinner and have sex with
--looking for marriage
--looking for someone to have fun with and not monogamy
--"I am not sure" (this means FWB)

[Anonymous]

When my DH met me, he didn’t know if he wanted a LTR or marriage. After we slept together, he started thinking it could be a LTR but he needed time to spend together and the chemistry piece was key. After a few more weeks, I told him what I was looking for (kids and a true partnership) and he said he wants something similar. But he will admit, he just really wanted to have sex with me first and those other things just weren’t on his mind. But by the time we slept together (3rd date), I knew about his last relationship which was 5+ years and he was kind, generous, intelligent and didn’t brag or try to impress me with material things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He'll give you the answer he thinks you want, even if it isn't the truth.

Yes.

Pretty much any time a woman asks "what are you looking for" they mean "I will only sleep with you if we have an exclusive, committed relationship."

Men know this so will reply in affirmative. Some men meet it. Others go on to band the other chicks in his Bumble queue.

Yep. Even in affairs- men will lie and say they are looking to leave their wives or very least that they “love you too”. Lying out their buttholes to keep having sex.

Are you surprised that two cheaters might lie to each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DH met me, he didn’t know if he wanted a LTR or marriage. After we slept together, he started thinking it could be a LTR but he needed time to spend together and the chemistry piece was key. After a few more weeks, I told him what I was looking for (kids and a true partnership) and he said he wants something similar. But he will admit, he just really wanted to have sex with me first and those other things just weren’t on his mind. But by the time we slept together (3rd date), I knew about his last relationship which was 5+ years and he was kind, generous, intelligent and didn’t brag or try to impress me with material things.

Thank you for sharing this. I think it’s important to realize that some great guys really don’t know what they want when you first meet. It’s okay to give it a little time. Of course, after several weeks you should break it off if it’s not progressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask and get a variety of answers:

--looking for my person
--looking for companionship
--looking for someone to go to dinner and have sex with
--looking for marriage
--looking for someone to have fun with and not monogamy
--"I am not sure" (this means FWB)

Nice that people are so upfront. I would think at an older age you want to be on the same page. Different than dating in your 20s when you have more time to F around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask and get a variety of answers:

--looking for my person
--looking for companionship
--looking for someone to go to dinner and have sex with
--looking for marriage
--looking for someone to have fun with and not monogamy
--"I am not sure" (this means FWB)

Nice that people are so upfront. I would think at an older age you want to be on the same page. Different than dating in your 20s when you have more time to F around.

Yes and no. I’m 43 and divorced, already have my kids so I’m not in a rush to get married again/don’t have a bio clock ticking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask and get a variety of answers:

--looking for my person
--looking for companionship
--looking for someone to go to dinner and have sex with
--looking for marriage
--looking for someone to have fun with and not monogamy
--"I am not sure" (this means FWB)

Nice that people are so upfront. I would think at an older age you want to be on the same page. Different than dating in your 20s when you have more time to F around.

Yes. I am PP and in my 50s. I myself and unsure if I want dinner/sex, or something more. It depends on that man, really. I like to meet interesting men and then sort out what they might be good for.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I am PP and in my 50s. I myself and unsure if I want dinner/sex, or something more. It depends on that man, really. I like to meet interesting men and then sort out what they might be good for.



LOL. I love that answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use the words, “what are you looking for?” prior to meeting them. If it’s not aligned why waste anyone’s time.

Same! If they are just looking for something casual and a hook up then I don't waste my time meeting them as I am looking for a serious relationship.