What does love yourself before you can find love mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is an awful, dismissive, condescending thing that coupled people like to say to single people. Like, if you can't find love, it must be because you don't love yourself enough, or aren't *truly* happy on your own, or some BS like that (unlike us, because *we* must be more emotionally healthy than you, which is why *we* are partnered). Some people love themselves plenty, but still have a hard time meeting the right person.

I’m a PP - single after divorcing 2 years ago. Bring partnered isn’t more elevated than bring single. Many people have sh&t relationships and are terrified to be by themselves - for the exact reason that they don’t love themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is an awful, dismissive, condescending thing that coupled people like to say to single people. Like, if you can't find love, it must be because you don't love yourself enough, or aren't *truly* happy on your own, or some BS like that (unlike us, because *we* must be more emotionally healthy than you, which is why *we* are partnered). Some people love themselves plenty, but still have a hard time meeting the right person.

I’m a PP - single after divorcing 2 years ago. Bring partnered isn’t more elevated than bring single. Many people have sh&t relationships and are terrified to be by themselves - for the exact reason that they don’t love themselves.

Yes, I was also going to respond to the PP by saying that loving yourself isn't about being more worthy of finding love. Quite often, finding love can be dumb luck. This advice is about working on a healthy sense of self which puts you in the best position to have a happy, healthy relationship. I don't view it as dismissive or condescending at all. In fact, if you work on loving yourself as you are, you will realize that you deserve a relationship with someone who treats you with care and respect. That might actually make it harder to find a relationship. People with poor self-esteem always tend to be in relationships, as they feel incomplete without a partner.

[Anonymous]

Loving yourself can sound like some new age stuff but it’s practical. You should be able to come up with a fairly long list of things you do to take care of yourself and be nice to yourself. How do you feed yourself, physically emotionally and spiritually? Who do you surround yourself with? Are you aware of your own needs and how to meet them? Are you kind and supportive of yourself?

In practical terms, it’s much easier to be in a relationship with someone who knows how to cultivate a happy and peaceful mindset for themselves. People who don’t know how to do this unfortunately can get into co dependent or abusive situations, and also mistreat their loved ones because they can’t take responsibility for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loving yourself can sound like some new age stuff but it’s practical. You should be able to come up with a fairly long list of things you do to take care of yourself and be nice to yourself. How do you feed yourself, physically emotionally and spiritually? Who do you surround yourself with? Are you aware of your own needs and how to meet them? Are you kind and supportive of yourself?

In practical terms, it’s much easier to be in a relationship with someone who knows how to cultivate a happy and peaceful mindset for themselves. People who don’t know how to do this unfortunately can get into co dependent or abusive situations, and also mistreat their loved ones because they can’t take responsibility for themselves.

Also, I think it’s practical in the following sense — if you have had a lot of parrots before you know what they need and how to make them happy. So in a sense, your first pet is yourself. If you don’t even have a handle on that you probably can’t take care of another person and give them the love they need.

[Anonymous]

When you’re in love with someone you overlook what they may consider to be flaws about themselves. For example your partner may be bald, or overweight, or not perfect in every way but to you they’re perfect. You don’t care if they’re bald, overweight or whatever because you love them.

Being in love with yourself gives you the same grace you’d give someone who you’re in love with. For the PP, it means embracing crooked teeth, being comfortable in your body. It’s looking at yourself in a way that someone who truly loves you would look at you. That’s the best way I can describe it.