If you have young kids now and are very happy with everyday life
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Anonymous
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4 kids, ages 1-9
- I work very part time with max flexibility - DH works from home, very high earner - we are very happily married and put our marriage first - amazing nanny - great school - kids are good sleepers and eaters and generally well behaved - we are minimalists |
Anonymous
| When I read these, my question is always where are the flexible and well paying jobs? Did you have them before kids or what? |
Anonymous
Define well-paying. I was one of the PPs and our HHI is 240k. Govt and non-profit workers. But we could swing our mortgage on my DHs salary so it takes a lot of pressure off. |
Anonymous
| 3 kids (0, 2, 4), some family is local, amazing nanny, we live well below our means so that we can save and never feel financially stressed, two WOH parents (and higher earner is mom) but we have enough flexibility for things like appointments, equal marriage in which we value openness and communication so if any issues arise they're immediately dealt with and resolved, kids all have routines and know what to expect every day, no special needs or allergies or major health/behavioral issues... |
Anonymous
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- My husband is just as involved in all things (kids, pets, house, finances, etc.) as I am
- We have cleaners, so while we all work to keep the house neat, we don't have to clean toilets or do the more time-consuming things - We both work from home now so my husband and I get to have lunch together without the kids M-F - We schedule everything in advance of the week so we always know who is doing what when - this helps us plan our work days, avoid arguments, and keeps thing humming along nicely - We try to keep a nice balance between quiet/down time and time with friends/activities I'm sure there's more but those are the main things that come to mind |
Anonymous
This is us. We rotate each day who gets the kids ready, who walks them to the bus, who picks them up from the bus, who feeds and walks the dogs, who cleans up after breakfast, who makes dinner, etc. Some things we take on more of (i.e. my husband is pretty much always in charge of trash and dog poop, I am pretty much always in charge of laundry), but everything else we split down the middle and go back and forth. Obviously some times it has to change if someone is out of town or whatever, but within each week we do our best to split things down the middle. |
Anonymous
| OP, I would not put myself in the "very happy" category, but objectively I have a lot of the things folks are listing here. It is an inside job, I think. There are some people who are better than others at seeing the positive, enjoying the day-to-day, etc. I am not one of them, but working on it! |
Anonymous
I'm another PP and basically exactly the same. Fed and a consultant, had the jobs pre kids, transitioned them to WFH pre COVID (both had been with our employers a long time). HHI about 240k. |
Anonymous
+1 one kid and low expectations. I expect to be like a single mom and my spouse is like a bonus even when it's pretty equal |
Anonymous
Neither my husband nor I had the jobs we have now before we had our kids. I worked downtown at a very high stress, high earning job. After my kids were born I stuck it out for a couple of years and then realized I couldn't do it anymore so I took a slightly lower paying and far more flexible job. My husband worked his butt off at a company toiling away for other people and then once he was comfortable enough struck out on his own. So now we both have a lot of flexibility but are senior enough in our jobs that we still make good money and enjoy what we do. |
Anonymous
Almost all of this is also true of us. We just have two (so far, planning a third) who are newly 2 and 5 months (just finished the whole "two under two" thing). And our care is an amazing nanny. But my husband does all food, and I do all laundry. Everything else we alternate. #5 isn't an issue with us (yet!) but that's good advice, and we're definitely still working on #4. The other thing I would add is I had massive PPD after the birth of my second, and I've just come past it in the last month, and OMG the comparison is also so helpful. I was in such a bad place, and now that I'm "better" not only am I back to loving my life, but I have some that terrible time to compare it to and so it's even better. Also - gratitude. We work hard to cultivate it. |
Anonymous
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We 3 kids in 4 years
Honestly, my husband is a saint compared to the useless men I read about on here. He’s 100% in it with me. |
Anonymous
| Full time nanny, cleaning service |
Anonymous
My husband and I both have them. We both really hustled in our 20s and paid our dues - lots of jobs with long hours and low pay. We didn't have kids until our mid 30s. He worked his way up at a couple places. I hopped around a lot (jobs and geographically). I would say we both started making work/life balance a priority right around age 30, but by then we had been in our careers 8 years (neither of us went to graduate school) and had good reputations and experience. When we landed at jobs that were respectful of 9-5 hours, we stayed. There are moments when each of us have considered a move - either for more money, more interesting work, or because there were things we didn't like about our jobs, but we are completely unwilling to extend our work hours, which limits our options. And we're really comfortable with that. Also - adjust your idea of well paying. We make about equal amounts and our HHI is $195k. Plenty, as far as we're concerned. And we live in DC. |
Anonymous
| Interesting that the responses to this thread seem to indicate that the self-professed happy people have either one child or 3+. |