If you have young kids now and are very happy with everyday life

[Anonymous]

One kid, medium earner, but lots of household help. Lots of classes and community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids, 6/4/2. It is not 100% sunshine and roses but we are very happy! I think it basically comes down to these things

1) DH and I both work from home and have an extremely egalitarian household. Everything from who walks the K kid to the bus stop is on an alternating routine. Large household chores don't alternate but are split up (IE, DH does ALL laundry, I do ALL food)

2) Kids have care. 2 year old is in daycare, 4 year old is in preschool, 6 year old is in K. This gets their energy out and it gives us time to recharge. I honestly don't know how people SAH. And that isn't a dig, it is an admission that I would lose my mind if I did it.

3) We live by routine. Every day is the same, the kids have a routine for almost every part of the day (morning/coming home/after school/dinner/bedtime/etc)

4) Despite 1/3, we roll with the punches. If something doesn't happen right, it isn't a full family meltdown, we just adjust and get back on track later.

5) We all talk really openly about losing our temper. We all do it, me, DH, the K-er, everyone loses their temper. DH and I are big on apologizing for it, in the moment, explaining why it happened, and resolving the emotional moment so to speak. So we aren't walking around in tension angrily, we talk it through to resentment doesn't build (hopefully! I guess I'll check back in when they are teenagers haha)

Almost all of this is also true of us. We just have two (so far, planning a third) who are newly 2 and 5 months (just finished the whole "two under two" thing). And our care is an amazing nanny. But my husband does all food, and I do all laundry. Everything else we alternate. #5 isn't an issue with us (yet!) but that's good advice, and we're definitely still working on #4.

The other thing I would add is I had massive PPD after the birth of my second, and I've just come past it in the last month, and OMG the comparison is also so helpful. I was in such a bad place, and now that I'm "better" not only am I back to loving my life, but I have some that terrible time to compare it to and so it's even better.

Also - gratitude. We work hard to cultivate it.

I'm the poster you're responding to and I should have put this on the list. We do this too. Like another pp said, its an inside job. When I'm feeling down about something I look at all that I have, and I remind myself how incredibly fortunate I am. One of the luckiest human beings to have ever been born in the history of human beings (well off financially, healthy children, a roof over my head, food in our bellies, access to netflix!). There is something to really be said about looking at your life and understanding how good it is. I try to imagine the life of a like, farming serf in 1350 and think wow, do I really have any problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would not put myself in the "very happy" category, but objectively I have a lot of the things folks are listing here. It is an inside job, I think. There are some people who are better than others at seeing the positive, enjoying the day-to-day, etc. I am not one of them, but working on it!

This is VERY true. I have a childless (by choice) friend with lots of money, travels all the time, married to a guy who travels with her, has pets she loves, tons of hobbies, but she's just not a happy person. Never has been, and she says it about herself as well. It's actually the main reason she didn't want to have kids because she acknowledges how objectively good her life is and she can't imagine making it any harder and being more unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that the responses to this thread seem to indicate that the self-professed happy people have either one child or 3+.

My third brought a lot of joy and somehow less stress?

My job was very high stress when I had my first and much lower paying. 8 years later, my priorities have changed and my experience in the market place is higher and demands a higher salary. Our household is two in house attorneys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that the responses to this thread seem to indicate that the self-professed happy people have either one child or 3+.

I'm a PP and we have two kids. My best friend is also very happy with everyday life and has two. The next happiest couple I know does have one kid.

[Anonymous]

Realistic standards based on what I can do on a given day, based on my energy level, schedule etc. Also, I try to embrace whatever I’m doing. Like if I’m doing chores, I’m doing chores, not wishing I wasn’t doing chores or resenting chores. I’m just doing them. The rest of the family is helping or has already contributed in some way.

I have 3…10, 5, 2

[Anonymous]

Reading through this is reminding me to be more grateful for for an equal partner, a flexible job and the budget to hire some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids, 6/4/2. It is not 100% sunshine and roses but we are very happy! I think it basically comes down to these things

1) DH and I both work from home and have an extremely egalitarian household. Everything from who walks the K kid to the bus stop is on an alternating routine. Large household chores don't alternate but are split up (IE, DH does ALL laundry, I do ALL food)

2) Kids have care. 2 year old is in daycare, 4 year old is in preschool, 6 year old is in K. This gets their energy out and it gives us time to recharge. I honestly don't know how people SAH. And that isn't a dig, it is an admission that I would lose my mind if I did it.

3) We live by routine. Every day is the same, the kids have a routine for almost every part of the day (morning/coming home/after school/dinner/bedtime/etc)

4) Despite 1/3, we roll with the punches. If something doesn't happen right, it isn't a full family meltdown, we just adjust and get back on track later.

5) We all talk really openly about losing our temper. We all do it, me, DH, the K-er, everyone loses their temper. DH and I are big on apologizing for it, in the moment, explaining why it happened, and resolving the emotional moment so to speak. So we aren't walking around in tension angrily, we talk it through to resentment doesn't build (hopefully! I guess I'll check back in when they are teenagers haha)

Almost all of this is also true of us. We just have two (so far, planning a third) who are newly 2 and 5 months (just finished the whole "two under two" thing). And our care is an amazing nanny. But my husband does all food, and I do all laundry. Everything else we alternate. #5 isn't an issue with us (yet!) but that's good advice, and we're definitely still working on #4.

The other thing I would add is I had massive PPD after the birth of my second, and I've just come past it in the last month, and OMG the comparison is also so helpful. I was in such a bad place, and now that I'm "better" not only am I back to loving my life, but I have some that terrible time to compare it to and so it's even better.

Also - gratitude. We work hard to cultivate it.

I'm the poster you're responding to and I should have put this on the list. We do this too. Like another pp said, its an inside job. When I'm feeling down about something I look at all that I have, and I remind myself how incredibly fortunate I am. One of the luckiest human beings to have ever been born in the history of human beings (well off financially, healthy children, a roof over my head, food in our bellies, access to netflix!). There is something to really be said about looking at your life and understanding how good it is. I try to imagine the life of a like, farming serf in 1350 and think wow, do I really have any problems?

Ha, I do this all the time!

[Anonymous]

Two little kids, 3.5 and 1.5, and a truly amazing nanny with DH and I both working from home. I always worked from home but DH just started with the pandemic two years ago.

It’s all very good!

[Anonymous]

3 kids; 9, 7, 4.

- 2 flexible jobs from home
- sufficient income (250k in a lower COL location)
- perspective - everything is a phase
- gratitude - we are fed, sheltered, and together
- not comparing ourselves to others
- let the little stuff go
- we make sure everyone is sharing in the labor and responsibilities (this part is never perfect and requires effort to do, but it is worth it)

[Anonymous]

We have all the help we want and need. Nanny, cleaning service, landscaping four times a year, etc. We have as full and calm a life as we want.

[Anonymous]

Three kids, two demanding jobs that permit partial WFH, nanny, au pair. Lots of $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that the responses to this thread seem to indicate that the self-professed happy people have either one child or 3+.

I have two kids, 2 and 5, and am very happy with spouse and every day life. We both work from home, kids go to school and are on the same schedule, eat and sleep well. Also live close to family. Also we don't have stressors about money.

[Anonymous]

"very happy"? I'm not very happy all day long, but if you asked me about my life in general, I am happy with it.

SAHM with 2 and 5 year old + pregnant with third, husband with well paid job with reasonable hours and some flexibility.

If I had to say what makes me happy, it's probably a lot of little things. I get to stay home, which is what i want to be doing. We have enough money for what we need, including a fair amount of childcare! 5 year old is in 3 hr/day preK and we just hired an 18 hr/wk nanny to be with us for the first year of the baby's life.

We have a nice home with lots of light that I like spending time in.

I think my ability to forget bad stuff and move on has improved with time. With my first child, little things could ruin my whole day. Now I just make a conscious decision to not let things ruin my day. I just move on.

And I know no matter what, my spouse and I will be able to relax for a little bit at the end of the day, and I enjoy his company.

Also, I think I have a good ability when things are making me angry or not working for me to be able to see what the problem is and find a solution for it. Usually involving some kind of system to make it not as much of a problem.

But really, I mean, I'm a priviliged person, I guess that's what it comes down to. I have more money and time than the average person.

[Anonymous]

Two kids, also ages 2 and 5, very happy with every day life but there are moments of many days where I'm silently, internally GOING NUTS (getting my kids to put on winter clothes, etc). But those are fleeting and our days are, on the whole, very good.

DH and I are both gov workers, moderate flexibility, 7 hour work days with 30 minute bike commutes if we choose to bike vs take the subway. No real WFH option anymore, if we had that everything would be even better. HHI is roughly $220K. We can afford our mortgage and our childcare and have great retirement accounts, so we feel comfortable long term in our finances.

Our house is very small, so it's easy to clean. The kids are in full day school/aftercare, but we love our local schools and they're 3 blocks from home so that's been great.

DH is a partner in everything. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, but our distribution of labor and salary earnings is pretty near perfectly split.

We're all healthy, for now. No food allergies, no chronic illness, no special needs that chip away at day to day freedom. We all get enough sleep most nights.

We're close to our extended families but not dependent on them (for childcare, financially, etc).

We feel like we have things so good that we considered a third kid but rejected the idea on the premise that, if we have things so good, why rock the boat.