If you have young kids now and are very happy with everyday life
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Anonymous
| Tell us more about your situation and what makes it work for you? |
Anonymous
| I have one child and an equal partner in a spouse |
Anonymous
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I have 3 kids, 6/4/2. It is not 100% sunshine and roses but we are very happy! I think it basically comes down to these things
1) DH and I both work from home and have an extremely egalitarian household. Everything from who walks the K kid to the bus stop is on an alternating routine. Large household chores don't alternate but are split up (IE, DH does ALL laundry, I do ALL food) 2) Kids have care. 2 year old is in daycare, 4 year old is in preschool, 6 year old is in K. This gets their energy out and it gives us time to recharge. I honestly don't know how people SAH. And that isn't a dig, it is an admission that I would lose my mind if I did it. 3) We live by routine. Every day is the same, the kids have a routine for almost every part of the day (morning/coming home/after school/dinner/bedtime/etc) 4) Despite 1/3, we roll with the punches. If something doesn't happen right, it isn't a full family meltdown, we just adjust and get back on track later. 5) We all talk really openly about losing our temper. We all do it, me, DH, the K-er, everyone loses their temper. DH and I are big on apologizing for it, in the moment, explaining why it happened, and resolving the emotional moment so to speak. So we aren't walking around in tension angrily, we talk it through to resentment doesn't build (hopefully! I guess I'll check back in when they are teenagers haha) |
Anonymous
+1 we also have flexible jobs, which always allow one of us to be available for school, appointments, emergency, etc. |
Anonymous
| We don't allow resentment to creep in. Whenever something starts bugging one of us, we try to sit down and chat about it when we can remove a lot of the negative emotion. We were married for 10 years before we had kids, so I think it helped to fall into a good communication style before we entered the fire of small children. |
Anonymous
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I have 1 kid
Good amount of money, so I can get him into classes Do a load of laundry everyday He eats really well and despite being a sensitive kid has a pretty sunny dosposition He’s cute and shares some of my interests I have my own hobby/work apart from child |
Anonymous
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I have six children, two of which are still young. I would say the teenagers are more stressful TBH. I’m a SAHM and do 99%. My husband is helpful if he’s home but works a lot in a high stress environment.
I think a lot of unhappiness can be resolved with changing your mindset. For me a pivotal moment was one of my kids was a very difficult pregnancy and we thought we would lose that child. She did survive and thrive and, while it was horribly stressful, I’m thankful for the perspective it gave me. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Get off DCUM if it’s making you feel negative and see what’s going on in the rest of the world and how well you have it. Stop comparing yourself to other because I guarantee it’s not as good as they make it look. I’ve also realized how important a good ground of girlfriends are that I can be 100% honest with. My husband is great but he’s not great with emotional stuff. Figure out what you need for self care and take it with no guilt. For me it’s exercise and a bath. When my oldest were young I felt so guilty doing these things and I don’t know why. My husband never felt guilty taking time to himself. Now I don’t either. Your question was fairly open so I’m not sure if you are looking for more practical tips or the keys to happiness. |
Anonymous
Re #2 I SAH and my child goes to school for 3 hours 4x/week. It’s how I recharge. During the pandemic he was out of school for over a year and it really wore me down. I know, a SAHP is supposed to be able to watch and teach multiple kids and clean the house and cook all the meals… but I gotta say just one kid wore me out. |
Anonymous
+2. |
Anonymous
|
1 child
I work part-time with flexible hours We’ve embraced being home and spending time as a family unit. I miss travel and doing more social stuff, but I’m not pining away for it 24/7. I can be as happy with a weekend of parks and hiking near our home, coffee and bagels from the cafe up the street, baking cookies with the kid, and watching a movie at home, as from a weekend trip to NYC. The trip would be more memorable, but in the moment, I get the same amount of pleasure from staying home. I have a long term personal project I work on a little bit each week (oil pastel paintings) that is totally separate from work or parenting, and I think it’s essential to my mental health. I’m not amazing, but good enough to enjoy the process, and it helps round out my identity and is something I can do when I need a break from family life. And yes, a supportive and equal partner with whom I have a strong relationship. |
Anonymous
+3 |
Anonymous
Yep same. My husband does all laundry and dishes. I cook and shop and organize and plan. If either of us had to do the other’s stuff it’d be too much. |
Anonymous
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1- flexible, well paying jobs
2 - husband who understands that I don't work for him and is 100% on board with our family and how to partner with me 3- similar financial goals to DH so that is not a stress point 4 - reliable childcare |
Anonymous
| Oh and as someone who +1d above, I wouldn’t say I’m giddy with joy every day but I am at least fairly balanced and grateful, which is all I feel I can really ask for in this phase of life |
Anonymous
| 3 kids, local grandparents, au pair. |