How to be ok being alone

[Anonymous]

I consider it like this: it’s better to be alone than to be lonely in a partnership. The latter feels much more like a betrayal of the partnership expectations.

I think being comfortable being unpartnered starts with understanding that you will feel loneliness sometimes. Instead of pretending you won’t, or brushing off those feelings of loneliness when they crop up, ride them like a wave to the other side.

[Anonymous]

I spent time investing in myself. Fortunately, I have a well paying job and it affords me to by cars, motorcycles, and a beach house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced over 20 years ago I asked myself if I would be okay if I never had another love relationship. I decided then that I would be okay and that I still wanted to divorce even if I never met anyone else I really connected with.

It's been a long time and I've had a few good relationships but haven't met another life partner. Turns out I'm fine with that, being unattached has many many benefits that I enjoy.

This is so depressing it makes me want to die. -divorced 4 years

Makes you want to die??? Wow. I am very thankful I have never needed a man to have a happy life. I was married for 25 years, mostly good, and I am now enjoying being single very much.

If that really makes you want to die you might want to seek some therapy to get some insight into why you feel that way.

Says the person who was mostly happily married for 25 years.

Yes, it was a pretty good marriage until it wasn't. Your point? I have enjoyed the post-marriage years quite a bit. I would go into detail if I knew you but, no. Someone wanting to die rather than face possibly living a life without being in a love relationship is baffling to me. I do get it to some degree because I've known both men and women who can't seem to relax, enjoy life and their own company without desperately having to find another partner, often before the previous relationship is quite over. If I felt that way I would seriously get into therapy. Not being snarky either.

How can you be this obtuse? The point is, you had the experience, FOR 25 YEARS and probably in your prime of life, that this PP is missing and sounds like NEVER had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced over 20 years ago I asked myself if I would be okay if I never had another love relationship. I decided then that I would be okay and that I still wanted to divorce even if I never met anyone else I really connected with.

It's been a long time and I've had a few good relationships but haven't met another life partner. Turns out I'm fine with that, being unattached has many many benefits that I enjoy.

This is so depressing it makes me want to die. -divorced 4 years

Geez then you are very prone to depression. There is nothing depressing about this, on the contrary it’s uplifting that this person is content and had a series of good relationships in their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start small go to dinner alone. Think about some things you have always to go. Start planning a trip.

NP here, struggling with the same issue as OP. I'm actually an extreme introvert, to the point I'd rather sit on the couch with my dog than go anywhere or talk to anyone. And yet even I can't think of anything more depressing than specifically going to restaurants or travelling alone. Those are the two things I want a life partner for (and sex and conversation, but those needs can be met more casually). I don't have kids or siblings to do those things with either. It sucks. And it's the only reason I'm sticking with my boyfriend, who is not emotionally mature enough for a relationship, even though I know I deserve better. I just don't think we get what we "deserve."

You can’t think of anything more depressing than traveling alone or going to restaurants alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced over 20 years ago I asked myself if I would be okay if I never had another love relationship. I decided then that I would be okay and that I still wanted to divorce even if I never met anyone else I really connected with.

It's been a long time and I've had a few good relationships but haven't met another life partner. Turns out I'm fine with that, being unattached has many many benefits that I enjoy.

You got too used to living alone, and you forgot how to flex your relationship muscles. Ouch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get into having fun in your life, you’ll forget about “being alone.” What’s fun for you? I could fill years of my life with plans that I would do alone and be ok with it…

You can still go to restaurants and movies with friends. Travel with tour groups. Join a meditation or gardening or running group. Cooking, exercise, scuba diving classes. Volunteer in your community. Be a Big Sister or Big Brother. If you get active and happy you’ll attract other people and you’ll never be alone or even think about it much.

Are you living in the same pandemic as the rest of us? Because in my world, opportunities to do all these things are severely limited and/ or risky. It sucks to be single right now, more than it usually does, so I can see why OP is having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

after my "life partner" left.... I fill my time with:

extra work
podcasts
audiobooks
extra sleep
walking in circles around the house talking to myself
Some house remodeling
stock strategies
made a few friends with my neighbors

Bottom line is you do you what you do and mostly those are things that you are required to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced over 20 years ago I asked myself if I would be okay if I never had another love relationship. I decided then that I would be okay and that I still wanted to divorce even if I never met anyone else I really connected with.

It's been a long time and I've had a few good relationships but haven't met another life partner. Turns out I'm fine with that, being unattached has many many benefits that I enjoy.

This is so depressing it makes me want to die. -divorced 4 years

Makes you want to die??? Wow. I am very thankful I have never needed a man to have a happy life. I was married for 25 years, mostly good, and I am now enjoying being single very much.

If that really makes you want to die you might want to seek some therapy to get some insight into why you feel that way.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married to the love of my life. The past three years I have seen so many losses in our family (COVID and other deaths) that I have realized that there are no guarantees in our lives. I hope I am not alone in the end and I pray that I die before my DH, but nothing is in our hand, is it.

Even the happiest married people, usually do not die together. One person is always left alone. We all are alone. Our families, our households, our wonderful run homes - everything ends and we move on to living situations and life circumstances that we cannot fathom we will be in.

All I can say is that don't live in fear. Embrace the change that will happen in your life. Don't look at others (with families, siblings, kids, spouse) and think that they are immune. Life is an individual journey.

I read dcum for responses like this one. Nice.

How is this a nice or helpful post? "We all die alone, so don't sweat living the 50 years before death all alone too."

DP but I also agree with that post. We are small little specs in existence. Life went on way before us and after us, nobody will know who we are after our immediate families are gone, too. It’s way lonier in a bad relationship than to be on your own.

[Anonymous]

Divorced for a couple years now and I just can't relate to this way of thinking at all. I get that we're all different, not everyone handles their post-marriage life in the same way, but this isn't healthy at all. I'm an only child so I suppose that's part of why I can't relate. I never feel lonely at all. I have a child here with me, family and friends that I communicate with frequently. I think there's so much energy put into finding the perfect relationship and having a "life partner," but I've alway side-eyed people who can't hack being alone. If you don't like being with you, why wouldn't anyone else??

You need to focus on other things. Dig into your interests, find new interests, travel, grab coffee/lunch/drinks with a friend. Go alone! Meet new people, hang out with old friends. Take a class, learn something new. Being in a romantic relationship is not the end all be all to life. Life is far too short to sit around wondering if you'll spend the rest of your life alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced for a couple years now and I just can't relate to this way of thinking at all. I get that we're all different, not everyone handles their post-marriage life in the same way, but this isn't healthy at all. I'm an only child so I suppose that's part of why I can't relate. I never feel lonely at all. I have a child here with me, family and friends that I communicate with frequently. I think there's so much energy put into finding the perfect relationship and having a "life partner," but I've alway side-eyed people who can't hack being alone. If you don't like being with you, why wouldn't anyone else??

You need to focus on other things. Dig into your interests, find new interests, travel, grab coffee/lunch/drinks with a friend. Go alone! Meet new people, hang out with old friends. Take a class, learn something new. Being in a romantic relationship is not the end all be all to life. Life is far too short to sit around wondering if you'll spend the rest of your life alone.

Preach. This is the right way to approach life IMO

[Anonymous]

+1000

[Anonymous]

What about sex and affection?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start small go to dinner alone. Think about some things you have always to go. Start planning a trip.

NP here, struggling with the same issue as OP. I'm actually an extreme introvert, to the point I'd rather sit on the couch with my dog than go anywhere or talk to anyone. And yet even I can't think of anything more depressing than specifically going to restaurants or travelling alone. Those are the two things I want a life partner for (and sex and conversation, but those needs can be met more casually). I don't have kids or siblings to do those things with either. It sucks. And it's the only reason I'm sticking with my boyfriend, who is not emotionally mature enough for a relationship, even though I know I deserve better. I just don't think we get what we "deserve."

You can’t think of anything more depressing than traveling alone or going to restaurants alone?

... in the context of being single, correct.