How to be ok being alone
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Anonymous
| I’m recently divorced. I accept that things were not meant to be with my ex, and being apart is best. However I have a hard time being alone. I enjoy spending time with myself. At the same time I really want a life partner, and a relationship that’s healthy. If you’ve divorced how did you get ok with the possibility that you might be alone forever? |
Anonymous
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I am happily married to the love of my life. The past three years I have seen so many losses in our family (COVID and other deaths) that I have realized that there are no guarantees in our lives. I hope I am not alone in the end and I pray that I die before my DH, but nothing is in our hand, is it.
Even the happiest married people, usually do not die together. One person is always left alone. We all are alone. Our families, our households, our wonderful run homes - everything ends and we move on to living situations and life circumstances that we cannot fathom we will be in. All I can say is that don't live in fear. Embrace the change that will happen in your life. Don't look at others (with families, siblings, kids, spouse) and think that they are immune. Life is an individual journey. |
Anonymous
I read dcum for responses like this one. Nice. |
Anonymous
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When I got divorced over 20 years ago I asked myself if I would be okay if I never had another love relationship. I decided then that I would be okay and that I still wanted to divorce even if I never met anyone else I really connected with.
It's been a long time and I've had a few good relationships but haven't met another life partner. Turns out I'm fine with that, being unattached has many many benefits that I enjoy. |
Anonymous
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I divorced because I did not want to be in that relationship. I was and am fine being "alone." I was not "alone" in marriage but I was incredibly lonely.
Now I am alone but not lonely at all. I have always thought that everyone really dies alone anyway. Most of life is not guaranteed. I don't live in fear of being alone. I think of people in my life who have had it harder...and then I am grateful for my own life. For example, my great-grandmother came to this country and never saw her family again...she married as soon as she arrived and was widowed two years later. My grandmother was widowed at 48 and still had 4 kids in the house to raise and had to go to work to support them. Try to make peace with the fact that many people don't have forever life partners. And some life partners are not even worth it and are not what they seem. You can try to find another life partner again but it is not an end all be all and you can have a happy life without that. |
Anonymous
| Just because you're alone now, doesn't mean it's forever. No need to be dramatic. |
Anonymous
This is so depressing it makes me want to die. -divorced 4 years |
Anonymous
| Start small go to dinner alone. Think about some things you have always to go. Start planning a trip. |
Anonymous
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My husband was emotionally and financially and verbally abusive.‘I’ve never been lonelier than I was during our 14
Year marriage. I don’t know if I will find another long term partner- but I confidently know I’ll never cry all night in silence out of fear my pain wakes the monster I do get to have crushes, limerance, and adventure/ that’s good for me! |
Anonymous
NP here, struggling with the same issue as OP. I'm actually an extreme introvert, to the point I'd rather sit on the couch with my dog than go anywhere or talk to anyone. And yet even I can't think of anything more depressing than specifically going to restaurants or travelling alone. Those are the two things I want a life partner for (and sex and conversation, but those needs can be met more casually). I don't have kids or siblings to do those things with either. It sucks. And it's the only reason I'm sticking with my boyfriend, who is not emotionally mature enough for a relationship, even though I know I deserve better. I just don't think we get what we "deserve." |
Anonymous
How is this a nice or helpful post? "We all die alone, so don't sweat living the 50 years before death all alone too." |
Anonymous
Makes you want to die??? Wow. I am very thankful I have never needed a man to have a happy life. I was married for 25 years, mostly good, and I am now enjoying being single very much. If that really makes you want to die you might want to seek some therapy to get some insight into why you feel that way. |
Anonymous
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Get into having fun in your life, you’ll forget about “being alone.” What’s fun for you? I could fill years of my life with plans that I would do alone and be ok with it…
You can still go to restaurants and movies with friends. Travel with tour groups. Join a meditation or gardening or running group. Cooking, exercise, scuba diving classes. Volunteer in your community. Be a Big Sister or Big Brother. If you get active and happy you’ll attract other people and you’ll never be alone or even think about it much. |
Anonymous
Says the person who was mostly happily married for 25 years. |
Anonymous
Yes, it was a pretty good marriage until it wasn't. Your point? I have enjoyed the post-marriage years quite a bit. I would go into detail if I knew you but, no. Someone wanting to die rather than face possibly living a life without being in a love relationship is baffling to me. I do get it to some degree because I've known both men and women who can't seem to relax, enjoy life and their own company without desperately having to find another partner, often before the previous relationship is quite over. If I felt that way I would seriously get into therapy. Not being snarky either. |