Does your MIL drive you crazy?

[Anonymous]

Mine was awesome and very diplomatic. RIP

My mom is similar to what you describe though. I ignore the comments, l know they’re more about her than me.

[Anonymous]

No.

She figured out a way to escape her war-torn country despite a severe restriction on passports, with three young boys in tow, my husband included. She then lived in very straightened circumstances for years, before clawing her way back up to a middle class lifestyle.

We are not of the same culture or religion, and don't see eye to eye on certain things (she has very traditional views on families and gender roles), but I have immense respect for her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, sigh.

My MIL is kind of a wackadoodle. She had a full blown mid life crisis and left FIL for a very inappropriate person (don't want to share bc of identifying details). That didn't work out, shocker, but not before she'd lost the paid-off house she received in the divorce. Now she's married to someone who is constantly getting fired but always has these elaborate stories about how he was a victim of some malevolent person . . . funny how this happens to him over and over again.

MIL talks in this little girl voice and laughs with my kids like she's some kind of Disney villain, or maybe on drugs. Just imagine the loudest, most annoying fake laugh you can, over and over. It's like she can't relate to my kids just by being a . . . person.

So I'd say that given all of that, I am a saint who is generally tolerant of my crazy pants MIL. I learned long ago not to stress about being the bridge between her and DH. She's his mother. He can see her, or not see her, if he wants!

Sometimes my MIL irks me because, given the lack of invitations forthcoming from our side, she will name a time and place that she wants to see us. I would prefer she say, "I'd like to see you . . . what works for you?" instead of, "I would like to see you on Saturday at X Place." But at least she takes "no" well. And she knows I am direct and will say no if I need to. She doesn't take it personally. So I guess she's a mixed bag. Sometimes I wonder how someone with such poor judgment and such an immature personality raised my DH . . .

Given her total lack of savings and life situation, I'm sure we will need to support her financially in the end. Again, I try not to sweat this kind of thing. It's just money, and what is it for if not to protect our loved ones? Of course, the ones who squander and make ill advised choices are harder to support with enthusiasm . . .

[Anonymous]

No but my FIL does

[Anonymous]

One of my greatest regrets is that I probably won't be around to watch when all of you are MILs. That would be fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And the nominees for the most original post of the day are . . . not you.

Hi MIL! 👋

[Anonymous]

My MIL and I get along and really care about each other, but she has a terrible habit of saying the wrong thing. It’s never intentional; her instincts are just terrible.

[Anonymous]

No. She has her quirks but I love her. Her husband (my H's step) is dying and my heart is breaking for her. I'm trying to be the best DIL I can be but I wish I could do more. My H is with her now.

[Anonymous]

Nope - I aspire to be even half a good a person as her …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my greatest regrets is that I probably won't be around to watch when all of you are MILs. That would be fun.

This the kind of thing my dad (who is an abusive jerk) used to say to us when we stood up to him as kids: "I can't wait until you have kids and you find out I was right."

That's not how it worked out, and he's had to eat some serious crow.

There's really no excuse for being unkind, overly critical, meddling, etc. as an MIL. Sure, it might be tempting to do those things because the relationship to your children's spouses is unique and can be hard to adjust to. But people don't dislike their MILs (or FILs, as a PP mentioned) because they are simply ungrateful or don't understand how hard it is to be in this situation. sometimes they dislike them because their ILs are awful.

My experience is that when you can clearly articulate what is wrong with a relationship, you are far less likely to repeat it. So while I get along fine with my MIL, there are things she does that drive me nuts, and I think my ability to see and articulate those things make it less likely I'll be like that. Just like my ability to identify my dad's abuse and explain it helped me become a different kind of parent.

The "oh you'd do the exact same terrible thing in my situation" explanation is the response of a coward who can't take responsibility for their own actions.

[Anonymous]

Of course she does, as does my own mother, but she means well and she loves me and my kids, so I smiles and nod. I hope when I’m an old lady my children humor me and tolerate my quirks.