Q re dorm etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son should ask and if the roommate says no your son should try to book a private room in a library.

+1

And for those who are saying "you can't kick someone out of their home" - 1) No one is talking about kicking them out or forcing them, but rather making a request. 2) if my husband is having a private conversation with a sibling or friend in our room, I go elsewhere in the house. If I have tele therapy in our room, he goes elsewhere in the house. It's common courtesy to give people a little privacy, especially for such a small amount of time (2 hrs a week) and on a college campus, there's plenty of other places for the roommate to go for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son should ask and if the roommate says no your son should try to book a private room in a library.

+1
But make it a gentle ask, e.g., "I have tutoring at x time and find it hard to focus if I'm not on my own. Any way I could have the room to myself at this day/time? If not, I can probably work something out at the library."

Asking each other for private time in the room is not that unusual (my kid is an RA and they advise roommates and having designated times you leave the room is pretty normal to establish).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should ask and if the roommate says no your son should try to book a private room in a library.

Why would the son ask or expect the roommate to vacate his home at a given time every time? No way.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should ask and if the roommate says no your son should try to book a private room in a library.

+1
But make it a gentle ask, e.g., "I have tutoring at x time and find it hard to focus if I'm not on my own. Any way I could have the room to myself at this day/time? If not, I can probably work something out at the library."

Asking each other for private time in the room is not that unusual (my kid is an RA and they advise roommates and having designated times you leave the room is pretty normal to establish).

Exactly. I don't get why folks think this is such a big thing. Sounds like the kid never gets alone time in the room. This seems like a reasonable request.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm wondering why the son cares if the roommate is there for the tutoring or not. Son should just say to roommate: I have tutoring each week at xx times and I can't really think of anywhere else to go to do it. Are you okay if I just do it here? Then the roommate will decide what to do. Frankly when I'm in the room with my daughter and she has earpods on and talking to someone she is NOT paying attention to me at all and it doesn't seem a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's inappropriate to even ask. Your kid can do the tutoring sessions while roommate is there, or find a private spot elsewhere.

What? Inappropriate to ask? Were you THAT roommate?

[Anonymous]

What happens when your son brings a girl in the room? Or has this not been addressed yet?

Anyways, part of growing up is asking for what you want. Just tell him to ask and if the roommate says no, then either have him in the room or find another place to hold the session. It's a college...there are tons of places to conduct a tutoring session in the dorm or outside of it.

I'm not sure why OP, as a parent, is even involved in this. A freshman should already have the lifeskills to handle this small issue.

[Anonymous]

I would just let the roommate know about the tutoring. He can stay or go. When all classes were virtual when Covid started, kids had class when their roommate was there all the time. They used headphones but it was not silent.

[Anonymous]

Yes, its rude to ask him to leave. Your son should secure a quiet spot in the library or another spot for his tutoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look for a private study room to have the tutoring if he wants privacy.

+1 This is my thought as well. Dorm room is a shared space and while DC certainly has the right to ask it is a bit of an imposition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just let the roommate know about the tutoring. He can stay or go. When all classes were virtual when Covid started, kids had class when their roommate was there all the time. They used headphones but it was not silent.

Most kids at DS's schools worked out shifting being in the room around classes--it's hard to participate in discussions in different classes simultaneously. Fine if it's a large lecture class or whatever, but lots of kids worked out schedules of when they had classes and tried to give space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look for a private study room to have the tutoring if he wants privacy.

+1 This is my thought as well. Dorm room is a shared space and while DC certainly has the right to ask it is a bit of an imposition.

But it also gives the other person space to ask for privacy too. This is SO common in schools--I can't believe there's anyone objecting or thinking it's an imposition. It's a basic thing roommates work out so they have some privacy sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look for a private study room to have the tutoring if he wants privacy.

+1 This is my thought as well. Dorm room is a shared space and while DC certainly has the right to ask it is a bit of an imposition.

But it also gives the other person space to ask for privacy too. This is SO common in schools--I can't believe there's anyone objecting or thinking it's an imposition. It's a basic thing roommates work out so they have some privacy sometimes.

Seriously. Part of living in the same room as someone is figuring out how to communicate and problem-solve. In absolutely no world is your son being rude by asking if it's possible for the roommate to leave. Of course it is well within the roommate's rights to say no but there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking.

[Anonymous]

Good for him to learn how to work these things out.

I wonder if he is trying to keep other kids from knowing he get tutoring?

Many schools suggest contracts between roommates, which could well include a section on privacy.

When my DD’s roommate brought some random guy into the room overnight (which violated their mutually agreed upon rules), she posted their agreement in the door for them both to see when they woke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look for a private study room to have the tutoring if he wants privacy.

+1 This is my thought as well. Dorm room is a shared space and while DC certainly has the right to ask it is a bit of an imposition.

But it also gives the other person space to ask for privacy too. This is SO common in schools--I can't believe there's anyone objecting or thinking it's an imposition. It's a basic thing roommates work out so they have some privacy sometimes.

Seriously. Part of living in the same room as someone is figuring out how to communicate and problem-solve. In absolutely no world is your son being rude by asking if it's possible for the roommate to leave. Of course it is well within the roommate's rights to say no but there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking.

If anything the roommate could be seen as being kind of rude/oblivious by being there all the time. Most kids pick up on the basic flow that you try and give your roommate some space, even without being directly asked.