Q re dorm etiquette

[Anonymous]

My DS is a freshman in college this year.

He has a nice roommate, but the roommate rarely leaves the room. Even for food, the roommate gets his meals to go at the dining hall, and takes it to the room to eat.

My son likes to get out and about a bit more, and to give his roommate some time to himself. And when my son talks on the phone, he walks into the staircase, so as not to disturb his roommate.

Here's a quick question -- my son has virtual tutoring 2x per week for 1 hour. During this time, it would be ideal if his roommate would leave the room. Is it rude for my son to ask his roommate to leave the room just during the virtual tutoring?

(I've heard of this issue coming up in terms of one roommate having a virtual therapy session, and the other roommate having the courtesy to leave the room during this time.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is a freshman in college this year.

He has a nice roommate, but the roommate rarely leaves the room. Even for food, the roommate gets his meals to go at the dining hall, and takes it to the room to eat.

My son likes to get out and about a bit more, and to give his roommate some time to himself. And when my son talks on the phone, he walks into the staircase, so as not to disturb his roommate.

Here's a quick question -- my son has virtual tutoring 2x per week for 1 hour. During this time, it would be ideal if his roommate would leave the room. Is it rude for my son to ask his roommate to leave the room just during the virtual tutoring?

(I've heard of this issue coming up in terms of one roommate having a virtual therapy session, and the other roommate having the courtesy to leave the room during this time.)

Would be ideal if the roommate occasionally made self scarce but doesn't sound like that is going to happen. I think it is an appropriate request though the roommate may not honor it. Maybe not ask to leave, but request if roommate could afford him privacy for those sessions. Ideally they are same time every week so roommate can plan for it.

GL to your DS!

[Anonymous]

It’s fair for him to ask. Do they get along? My DC and their roommate get along and would come to an understanding.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a very valid ask- but, if the roommate won’t comply (for social anxiety reasons around leaving the dorm, or whatever other reason) I don’t think there is much your son can do other than perhaps try to reserve a private study room in the library (i remember this being a think when I was in college at least)

[Anonymous]

It’s fair to ask, but he should be ready with a plan if the answer is no. A small study room in the library? Where would they meet if it were in person and they needed quiet/privacy?

[Anonymous]

DD is in the dorm room more, while her roommate is rarely there. She's talked about wanting her roommate to feel more welcome, so I think she'd be glad to oblige if her roommate asked for the room to herself sometimes.

[Anonymous]

You can ask anyone to do anything, but it's not fair or reasonable to expect someone to vacate their own home for whatever reason, and the room is his home. So, no.

[Anonymous]

Ideally the room mate would take the hint and leave but yes, I think it's rude to ask him to leave.

[Anonymous]

I would look for a private study room to have the tutoring if he wants privacy.

[Anonymous]

Your son should ask and if the roommate says no your son should try to book a private room in a library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son should ask and if the roommate says no your son should try to book a private room in a library.

Why would the son ask or expect the roommate to vacate his home at a given time every time? No way.

[Anonymous]

Ideally, the roommate would get the hint, and let your son have a little bit of time in the room by himself. But 19-year-olds are not always very self-aware.

[Anonymous]

I think it's inappropriate to even ask. Your kid can do the tutoring sessions while roommate is there, or find a private spot elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's inappropriate to even ask. Your kid can do the tutoring sessions while roommate is there, or find a private spot elsewhere.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ideally, the roommate would get the hint, and let your son have a little bit of time in the room by himself. But 19-year-olds are not always very self-aware.

Why should he "get the hint" and always have to vacate on the roommate's precise schedule?