Is it narcissism to think you are better than others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on DCUM believe these things. If you aren't pretty enough, like Carrie Bradshaw, you don't deserve boyfriends. If you are frumpy, you don't deserve a "rich" husband. Same for being too fat, too skinny, or too old. And they can't understand why they aren't "winning" at life despite all their advantages.

Yep. I am a person who is chubby, a couple years older than my very handsome and fit husband, and I haven’t had great career successes- in large part Bc I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and struggled to manage it well until very recently and was in fields that were a complete mismatch for my issues.

My mother and unmarried/no kids sister cannot understand why I seem to “have it all” and don’t worship at the altar of their perfection. If something goes wrong for me, they gloat about it and love to call and ask for all the gory details, and when things go well, they are extra nasty and mean to me or they just avoid me. It’s depressing and hurtful, but I can’t change them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, that's not it. You CAN measure if Person A is wealthier than Person B, or which person scores higher grades or wins at sports. These are facts, rather than opinion. Looks are subjective. If one person is welcomed into a fancy restaurant and another is turned away for violating the dress code, one might say the first person is better dressed than the second. But look at Adam Sandler - he wears baggy b-ball shorts and hoodies to everything and is wealthy and connected and successful. So how you dress isn't everything.

Maybe work in a little something about your fellow humans (mostly) deserving equal respect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, that's not it. You CAN measure if Person A is wealthier than Person B, or which person scores higher grades or wins at sports. These are facts, rather than opinion. Looks are subjective. If one person is welcomed into a fancy restaurant and another is turned away for violating the dress code, one might say the first person is better dressed than the second. But look at Adam Sandler - he wears baggy b-ball shorts and hoodies to everything and is wealthy and connected and successful. So how you dress isn't everything.

Maybe work in a little something about your fellow humans (mostly) deserving equal respect?

Thank you. Even if someone has more money or better grades or is better at sports, they are not more deserving of kindness and respect. People who are ultra competitive and think they should have more simply because they are more successful actually have some of the worst self-esteem. Because what they are saying is "I deserve kindness and respect because of all I've accomplished." What a high wire act! What if they'd failed!

Meanwhile, I just assume I deserve kindness and respect for no other reason than because I'm a human being who is alive. And then I assume all other people deserve the same unless or until they do something so vile that I just can't anymore. It works for me! And makes it a lot easier to deal with inevitable failure, because it can just be a failure and not the end of my humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on DCUM believe these things. If you aren't pretty enough, like Carrie Bradshaw, you don't deserve boyfriends. If you are frumpy, you don't deserve a "rich" husband. Same for being too fat, too skinny, or too old. And they can't understand why they aren't "winning" at life despite all their advantages.

Yep. I am a person who is chubby, a couple years older than my very handsome and fit husband, and I haven’t had great career successes- in large part Bc I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and struggled to manage it well until very recently and was in fields that were a complete mismatch for my issues.

My mother and unmarried/no kids sister cannot understand why I seem to “have it all” and don’t worship at the altar of their perfection. If something goes wrong for me, they gloat about it and love to call and ask for all the gory details, and when things go well, they are extra nasty and mean to me or they just avoid me. It’s depressing and hurtful, but I can’t change them.

Are you me? I have ADHD too and my mother never lets me forget my struggles with organization growing up. She also made fun of me for going to therapy as an adult. She had a miserable marriage. I am happily married and have real friends. My sister, the Golden child, is single, doesn't have many friends and both she and my mother seem to to think I don't deserve to be happy. They are not impressed with my career path because it isn't lucrative. They think I just lucked out with my husband rather than working hard to have a healthy relationship. They refuse to believe one of my kids has special needs even though it is well documented. I swear when anything going wrong for me they are cheering on the sidelines and also want to hear every gory detail which I don't share. I just pick myself up and move forward. Most of their interactions are gossiping and pointing out how people are inferior to them. Needless to say they tight as can be and I am the black sheep. I was more of a daddy's girl, but he passed away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it abnormal for someone to think they are better looking, smarter, richer, more interesting, better dressed, better parent, more athletic, etc than other members of their family? I know someone who believes these things are measurable to some extent and feels they “won” and are therefore “better” than the others. They can’t fathom why others don’t give them credit for all these things and keep them at arms length.

I think to a certain degree it is normal with some traits. E.g. I think I am better dressed than the average person on the street. I think I am better looking than the average person. But I think there are better looking people than me, smarter, richer. Just like there are poorer people, less smart ones etc. I think I was a good parent but I made mistakes and could have been better. I tried my best. There is a woman at work who is very stylish and although I think I'm pretty stylish, I love seeing what she's wearing BC I like her style and have complimented her a couple times.

My brother in law is a complete narcissist. He's an MD and has an overinflated sense of self. He even thinks he has alpha DNA (literally said this) and that he's god's gift to the world. He is very smart but his level of arrogance is unbelievable. He thinks everyone who works with him including other doctors are all dumb. He's the only smart one. He's a classic narcissist and sometimes I think he borders on sociopathy. By the way he's fat and has had some autoimmune issues. The obesity is apparently all muscle. Whatever. As far as autoimmune (digestive mainly), I haven't heard how he can reconcile that with his alpha DNA. He's also said bizarre things that the govt knows who the alphas are and that they watch. Sometimes I wonder if he has other paranoid delusions. He doesn't mind the govt being aware if his illustrious DNA. We try to stay away from him and just send Christmas cards BC we think he's weird. He has a young son who has dyslexia and the school keeps wanting to get the poor kid tested but my brother in law says the school is made up of imbeciles and how dare they critisize his son, who has the iq higher than any of them. By the way, his son is smart. Just dyslexic too. I feel sorry for his son as he gets older.