Holiday from Hades. Come on in if this was one of the worst

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has a weird pattern of instigating and then speculating how people will react.

For example, we told her privately that we are expecting and would love to announce to the family at Christmas. She immediately told everyone and advised them to "act surprised" when the news came. When we expressed to her that it was hurtful, she started in with "I bet you'll never let me see the baby then. I bet you will cut me off!" I would never do any of that, but the behavior still stings.

I'm not quite sure what this is called, but she does it frequently. She'll bully someone, then propose an equally hurtful reaction.

Google “crazymaking.” It’s what MIL is doing. She does something ridiculous and when you react to it, she responds as if you’re the unreasonable one. If this is a pattern, she is a crazymaker.

[Anonymous]

Thank you 11:41 for the thoughtful answer. My husband died a horrible, possibly preventable death during the Covid shut down. Holidays are still very hard. Sister had been drinking and decided to spill guts and doesn’t even remember what she said. Judging from her reaction exactly what I would have preferred to keep private.
The jewelry is exactly the kind of minor thing my DH would have smoothed over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has a weird pattern of instigating and then speculating how people will react.

For example, we told her privately that we are expecting and would love to announce to the family at Christmas. She immediately told everyone and advised them to "act surprised" when the news came. When we expressed to her that it was hurtful, she started in with "I bet you'll never let me see the baby then. I bet you will cut me off!" I would never do any of that, but the behavior still stings.

I'm not quite sure what this is called, but she does it frequently. She'll bully someone, then propose an equally hurtful reaction.

That is very unkind. It’s your news to tell not hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has a weird pattern of instigating and then speculating how people will react.

For example, we told her privately that we are expecting and would love to announce to the family at Christmas. She immediately told everyone and advised them to "act surprised" when the news came. When we expressed to her that it was hurtful, she started in with "I bet you'll never let me see the baby then. I bet you will cut me off!" I would never do any of that, but the behavior still stings.

I'm not quite sure what this is called, but she does it frequently. She'll bully someone, then propose an equally hurtful reaction.

Don’t tell her anything in future that you don’t want immediately broadcast.

[Anonymous]

OP Sadly you just learned that MIL is not reliable to be discreet. Since you are expecting a baby this is a good thing to know as baby grows up. More like this to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Sadly you just learned that MIL is not reliable to be discreet. Since you are expecting a baby this is a good thing to know as baby grows up. More like this to come.

Yes. Don't share concerns about the baby's health or information about diagnoses or details about report cards or anything you wouldn't post on a billboard for the world to see.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her family are staying with us. On Christmas morning, my sister's spouse's mother passed away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL has a weird pattern of instigating and then speculating how people will react.

For example, we told her privately that we are expecting and would love to announce to the family at Christmas. She immediately told everyone and advised them to "act surprised" when the news came. When we expressed to her that it was hurtful, she started in with "I bet you'll never let me see the baby then. I bet you will cut me off!" I would never do any of that, but the behavior still stings.

I'm not quite sure what this is called, but she does it frequently. She'll bully someone, then propose an equally hurtful reaction.

Don’t tell her anything in future that you don’t want immediately broadcast.

Exactly, this isn't hard. The number one rule of pregnancy is you tell no one until you ar ready to tell everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you 11:41 for the thoughtful answer. My husband died a horrible, possibly preventable death during the Covid shut down. Holidays are still very hard. Sister had been drinking and decided to spill guts and doesn’t even remember what she said. Judging from her reaction exactly what I would have preferred to keep private.
The jewelry is exactly the kind of minor thing my DH would have smoothed over.

Your first complaint is valid. The second complaint isn't at all and is actually a bit snotty. The reality is you are projecting your anger at losing your husband and your sister's drunken outbursts onto your SIL because it's easier for you to be angry at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and her family are staying with us. On Christmas morning, my sister's spouse's mother passed away.

This is very sad.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your loss, OP.

[Anonymous]

Between Covid including a recent family death from Covid and family estrangement Christmas was weird and quiet. Too much booze and people talking trash about family members and their offenses.

[Anonymous]

My son puked after lunch so I didn’t cook the planned roast and we had sandwiches for dinner instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll go first. My sister spread private ugly details as gossip to my family about my recently deceased husband. SIL sent her reject jewelry to my DDs for Christmas. At least it’s over …

wow
first world problem

[Anonymous]

At least you got to have your holidays. I had COVID so had to stay home and cancel all our plans and be sick in bed.