If you had PPA, besides meds, what helped? What could family do?

[Anonymous]

Sunshine, fresh air, and uninterrupted sleep.

[Anonymous]

Postpartum rage is a thing. Some influencer I follow had it and talked all about it. Think it’s totally separate from PPA though and not sure what one can do about it, or if it would be wise to offer that up as a possible diagnosis, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop somebody from being a jerk. Pull back unless she asks for your help.

She's asking for help. She's not identifying it as PPA, but she's constantly saying it's overwhelming to have so many kids, and asking for help of some sort. And her family steps up. People are trying to help.

But she still has these meltdowns, and her kids get sucked in. So, for example, I think her child felt hurt that grandparents only came to her Nutcracker once and went to more soccer games. Whereas I don't think that would have occurred to her on her own, that you're supposed to count soccer games vs. ballet performances.

That's not asking for help. That is whining. Asking for help would be "Is there any chance you are available to take my older kids off my hands for a couple hours sometime this week?"

She does both things. She asks for help with childcare, or transportation, or someone to come sit with the baby so she can take a nap, and someone jumps in the car and goes. Or we offer. We call and say "when are your kids off school? Can I take them for the day to make Christmas cookies?" I think asking for help is a strength for her. Like she isn't letting her kids be neglected. She makes sure someone is there. I think her anxiety impacts them in other ways, but I think that's something she deserves credit for.

The example I gave is an example of what I think of as anxiety. She's misinterpreting things and then getting upset. I don't think a person without anxiety would look at the situation I gave and think it means that grandparents don't love her children. But she really does see it that way. I think that's the illness. Of course you'd be upset if you thought your parents didn't love your children. But I don't think a rational parent could look at what I described and come to that conclusion. Her kid had, at a minimum, 3 family members at every performance. That's not a neglected child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s not the ballet vs soccer as much as it’s that she needs grandma (or someone) to help watch the kids more often? It sounds like she’s displacing her frustration over something else onto the ballet performance (seriously, why go to more than one of a performance??) - maybe she needs help getting her kids to their various activities?

My PPA looked different, but I often feel like I’m just barely keeping my head above water right now because there are just too many things going on. And having a 6month old is exhausting, so maybe she needs to hire help so that she’s not so overwhelmed?

I do think she feels that way. But I also think she feels a lot of pressure to have her kids do all the right activities. Her kids have a schedule that would totally overwhelm me or my kids. I think that need for "perfection" for them is part of the anxiety.

But she also gets a lot of family support with those things. Her Dad is up there a lot to help drive kids around. His mom is running "camp Grandma" over Christmas break, and her sister and I take the kids whenever we're asked. Her DH is an active parent. He's off work to pick up the kids after school and take them where they need to go, and handles dinner and bath and bedtime most night. I guess that's what I mean when I feel like everyone's trying to help, and she's still clearly really overwhelmed.

The point about sleep is a good one. She boasts that baby is a very good sleeper, but it's hard to know because she's very competitive. Baby now takes a bottle, which might help, because her DH can get up at night, or a Grandparent can babysit. But that is very recent, so maybe now she'll catch up a little.

Sounds more like a personality disorder than anxiety to me. Is this behavior new with the baby?

It's exaggerated. Before, she might have been upset if our kids had sporting events on the same day and the grandparents picked my kid's to attend. And my in laws are very careful to be very "fair". But she would have expressed it in a more socially appropriate way (e.g. spoken to her mom privately), and been responsive to logic (e.g. if grandparents explained that they were alternating weeks).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop somebody from being a jerk. Pull back unless she asks for your help.

She's asking for help. She's not identifying it as PPA, but she's constantly saying it's overwhelming to have so many kids, and asking for help of some sort. And her family steps up. People are trying to help.

But she still has these meltdowns, and her kids get sucked in. So, for example, I think her child felt hurt that grandparents only came to her Nutcracker once and went to more soccer games. Whereas I don't think that would have occurred to her on her own, that you're supposed to count soccer games vs. ballet performances.

That's not asking for help. That is whining. Asking for help would be "Is there any chance you are available to take my older kids off my hands for a couple hours sometime this week?"

She does both things. She asks for help with childcare, or transportation, or someone to come sit with the baby so she can take a nap, and someone jumps in the car and goes. Or we offer. We call and say "when are your kids off school? Can I take them for the day to make Christmas cookies?" I think asking for help is a strength for her. Like she isn't letting her kids be neglected. She makes sure someone is there. I think her anxiety impacts them in other ways, but I think that's something she deserves credit for.

The example I gave is an example of what I think of as anxiety. She's misinterpreting things and then getting upset. I don't think a person without anxiety would look at the situation I gave and think it means that grandparents don't love her children. But she really does see it that way. I think that's the illness. Of course you'd be upset if you thought your parents didn't love your children. But I don't think a rational parent could look at what I described and come to that conclusion. Her kid had, at a minimum, 3 family members at every performance. That's not a neglected child.

You are very sweet to be interpreting that as anxiety. I would interpret it as a difficult personality. Give her reasonable help and ignore the drama.

[Anonymous]

Meltdowns sounds like rage. Ppa can manifest as rage. She is literally unable to handle emotions. It's like a pot simmering internally. And she may feel it and then try to exact even more control over situations. As if controlling externally will control internal.
I had it. It's hard and I had no help but only one kid. It's almost like a dissociation because you can see yourself acting crazy and lashing out and know it's wrong but it's like all consuming(hot flashes, teeth clenching, jaw tension) and then the guilt comes afterward the self hate and then need to control and show that you aren't out of control. Hold it together for x whatever and then unravel.