Refusing car as a graduation gift?

[Anonymous]

You already received a car (the old one). If you don’t want a new car, you say “no thank you”. Why does this need a post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why’d you accept the education or the property if you didn’t want anyone to be able to throw what they gave you in your face?

+1

You are drawing a random line and your mom knows it.

[Anonymous]

Did you post the “Was I Neglected” thread? If so, it seems like you’ve got a lot of anger and unresolved issues from your parent’s divorce. Holidays have a way of bringing up past wounds, anger, and hurt. Once the holidays are over, maybe you could find someone you trust (therapist, clergy, friend) to help you work through your past. No parent or family is perfect and realizing that while forgiving them can bring peace and healing. Forgiveness isn’t always for the other person — it’s also for the person who has been hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP. You are sticking to your principles.

So accepting school to be paid for, plus living expenses paid, but a car is where she draws the line? Yes, OP, stick to those principles!

[Anonymous]

You need a.lot.of.therapy.

If you didn’t take the car that is fine but you seem to trying to show you are superior so that’s an issue you need to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom offered me a new car a graduation gift. I graduated from university in 2019. I refused then and have maintained my stance. She herself was given a car when she graduated in the mid-70s. However, I am respectful towards her. I did get her old car from my sister and I am perfectly content with that.

Even though she paid for my undergrad and living expenses I wouldn't say she was the best mom. There are many reasons why I don't wan a new car and one of them is that I don't want to be tethered to her or for her to use that gift as leverage. "I bought you a new car, I bought you this and that"

Am I in the wrong?

You "refused" the new car and instead took a used car from her. It's not exactly the line in the sand you think it is. But either way, who cares? This was 2 years ago, what's to be "in the wrong" about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

My older sister got an Acura as her grad gift. She had a troubled history with my mom and dad. They still bicker and my mom occasionally will use her grad gift to make her look good and my sister look like a brat. Perhaps it is deserved.

I personally think parents should avoid giving large gifts like this to their kids and instead focus on nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect.

I will continue to refuse the gift because I don't want my mom to ever use this gift as leverage or have a leash over me.

As I said, I am happy with my 2012 Rav4, a perfectly adequate car. I inherited some property from my Grandfather and don't need the money or help. I consider myself lucky. Meanwhile many of my friends have debt.

Your parents paid for your education and gave you a car and your grandfather gave you property. No kidding you "consider" yourself lucky. But you do sound like an ingrate.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you should return the college tuition as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

My older sister got an Acura as her grad gift. She had a troubled history with my mom and dad. They still bicker and my mom occasionally will use her grad gift to make her look good and my sister look like a brat. Perhaps it is deserved.

I personally think parents should avoid giving large gifts like this to their kids and instead focus on nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect.

I will continue to refuse the gift because I don't want my mom to ever use this gift as leverage or have a leash over me.

As I said, I am happy with my 2012 Rav4, a perfectly adequate car. I inherited some property from my Grandfather and don't need the money or help. I consider myself lucky. Meanwhile many of my friends have debt.

Sell the property and pay back the college tuition. Then you would really prove to yourself and to your mom that you have principles and don't need help.

Oh just grow up OP and stop being an ingrate and a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

OP - you're in the wrong if you're sassy
Problems with your Mom doesn't mean you get to be rude

Be an adult. Handle this as an adult. Calm, no drama. You are continuing to spin drama if you are still bringing-up this issue after all these years.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to guess that your “problems with mom” mostly center around you being an entitled, spoiled, ungrateful brat with a superiority complex.

You refusal to accept the car is just histrionics. Let me guess, your parents still pay your housing, insurance, utilities, and groceries, but accepting those things is ok because you NEED that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom offered me a new car a graduation gift. I graduated from university in 2019. I refused then and have maintained my stance. She herself was given a car when she graduated in the mid-70s. However, I am respectful towards her. I did get her old car from my sister and I am perfectly content with that.

Even though she paid for my undergrad and living expenses I wouldn't say she was the best mom. There are many reasons why I don't wan a new car and one of them is that I don't want to be tethered to her or for her to use that gift as leverage. "I bought you a new car, I bought you this and that"

Am I in the wrong?

Pay her back for the under grad and living expenses. And you're not respectful towards her.

[Anonymous]

My graduation gift was my parents' 8 year old car. They bought a new one. I think it was the best gift possible. The car I got was perfectly functional They took good care of it. As a guy, while you are under 25, your insurance rates will be terrible. I got a car that was perfectly serviceable, did what I needed (it was fine for driving to and from work, wherever I needed to go, and still good for trips), and I saved a lot on insurance. I had friends who had new cars and they had car payments and were paying like 2.5x-3x what I was paying in insurance (and all of us had clean driving records at the time).

If your mom is still pushing to give you a new car, just tell her until you are age 26 and your insurance rates can drop due to age, you are not interested in a new car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom offered me a new car a graduation gift. I graduated from university in 2019. I refused then and have maintained my stance. She herself was given a car when she graduated in the mid-70s. However, I am respectful towards her. I did get her old car from my sister and I am perfectly content with that.

Even though she paid for my undergrad and living expenses I wouldn't say she was the best mom. There are many reasons why I don't wan a new car and one of them is that I don't want to be tethered to her or for her to use that gift as leverage. "I bought you a new car, I bought you this and that"

Am I in the wrong?

If your mom has a history of doing this....of pushing back with every thing she has bought you when she doesn't get her way...then yes, don't take the car. It's true you already took the education but you have to start somewhere.

It also sounds like you are setting a boundary and your mom is ignoring it. Does she do that a lot? You have ever right to turn down a gift.

If this is all a pattern, you may want to find a therapist. They can help you work on this and make choices in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

My older sister got an Acura as her grad gift. She had a troubled history with my mom and dad. They still bicker and my mom occasionally will use her grad gift to make her look good and my sister look like a brat. Perhaps it is deserved.

I personally think parents should avoid giving large gifts like this to their kids and instead focus on nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect.

I will continue to refuse the gift because I don't want my mom to ever use this gift as leverage or have a leash over me.

Some parents can do both.