Refusing car as a graduation gift?

[Anonymous]

My mom offered me a new car a graduation gift. I graduated from university in 2019. I refused then and have maintained my stance. She herself was given a car when she graduated in the mid-70s. However, I am respectful towards her. I did get her old car from my sister and I am perfectly content with that.

Even though she paid for my undergrad and living expenses I wouldn't say she was the best mom. There are many reasons why I don't wan a new car and one of them is that I don't want to be tethered to her or for her to use that gift as leverage. "I bought you a new car, I bought you this and that"

Am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Cool story

[Anonymous]

Nice to have options where no matter what you choose you start adulting with no education debt and a free car. She gave you an education. How much more tethered would be by accepting her gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

My older sister got an Acura as her grad gift. She had a troubled history with my mom and dad. They still bicker and my mom occasionally will use her grad gift to make her look good and my sister look like a brat. Perhaps it is deserved.

I personally think parents should avoid giving large gifts like this to their kids and instead focus on nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect.

I will continue to refuse the gift because I don't want my mom to ever use this gift as leverage or have a leash over me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

My older sister got an Acura as her grad gift. She had a troubled history with my mom and dad. They still bicker and my mom occasionally will use her grad gift to make her look good and my sister look like a brat. Perhaps it is deserved.

I personally think parents should avoid giving large gifts like this to their kids and instead focus on nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect.

I will continue to refuse the gift because I don't want my mom to ever use this gift as leverage or have a leash over me.

Ok then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 years, get over it.

I do think you were wrong.

My older sister got an Acura as her grad gift. She had a troubled history with my mom and dad. They still bicker and my mom occasionally will use her grad gift to make her look good and my sister look like a brat. Perhaps it is deserved.

I personally think parents should avoid giving large gifts like this to their kids and instead focus on nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect.

I will continue to refuse the gift because I don't want my mom to ever use this gift as leverage or have a leash over me.

As I said, I am happy with my 2012 Rav4, a perfectly adequate car. I inherited some property from my Grandfather and don't need the money or help. I consider myself lucky. Meanwhile many of my friends have debt.

[Anonymous]

Stupid question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid question.

To me the obvious answer is that it is fine to do so. Particularly because my mom might also have an ulterior motive. The car could be a little trinket to dangle over me. What's next?

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. You are sticking to your principles.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a question of right and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Don't take it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but if your parents paid for your whole UG degree refusing this gift isn’t going to make you free from leverage. Frankly it’s chump change comparatively.

[Anonymous]

It's not clear if you're wrong or simply histrionic.

[Anonymous]

Why’d you accept the education or the property if you didn’t want anyone to be able to throw what they gave you in your face?