Asked guy for exclusivity- thoughts about his response?

[Anonymous]

Sorry but men lie about this stuff all the time. Better let them initiate the conversation and if they don’t then you know where you stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:reminds me of when Charlotte said "We should get married" to her first dh and he said "Alrighty."

You should probably follow up on this conversation with him and see if you're bf/gf or what.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

He’s just not that into you. Personally, I would end it if you want a proper boyfriend type relationship because you’re not going to get what you want from this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man (39yo) and I (38yo) have been dating (proper dates a few times per week) for the past 2.5 months. Recently, we started having sex.

The other night I asked him if he was dating or seeing anyone else and he said no, but that he had "met a few people a few weeks ago."

I asked if they had slept together and he said no. I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable remaining intimate unless we were exclusive. He said, "that sounds reasonable."

I was fine in the moment but after reflecting on it, I'm not crazy about it. I guess I'm disappointed that a) he didn't bring it up first, and that b) he didn't seem overly enthusiastic about it when I did.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I let this go?

Did he even say he wanted to be exclusive? Sounds like he said what you wanted was reasonable and didn’t commit to what he wanted. Maybe I’m mishearing.

+1. I'm hearing that he's ambivalent about you remaining intimate with him because he'd like to keep his options open. It's reasonable for you to not feel comfortable, but he's just going to do what he wants to do. And if you stop sleeping with him, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man (39yo) and I (38yo) have been dating (proper dates a few times per week) for the past 2.5 months. Recently, we started having sex.

The other night I asked him if he was dating or seeing anyone else and he said no, but that he had "met a few people a few weeks ago."

I asked if they had slept together and he said no. I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable remaining intimate unless we were exclusive. He said, "that sounds reasonable."

I was fine in the moment but after reflecting on it, I'm not crazy about it. I guess I'm disappointed that a) he didn't bring it up first, and that b) he didn't seem overly enthusiastic about it when I did.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I let this go?

Did he even say he wanted to be exclusive? Sounds like he said what you wanted was reasonable and didn’t commit to what he wanted. Maybe I’m mishearing.

OP: he did agree to it, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you. Personally, I would end it if you want a proper boyfriend type relationship because you’re not going to get what you want from this guy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man (39yo) and I (38yo) have been dating (proper dates a few times per week) for the past 2.5 months. Recently, we started having sex.

The other night I asked him if he was dating or seeing anyone else and he said no, but that he had "met a few people a few weeks ago."

I asked if they had slept together and he said no. I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable remaining intimate unless we were exclusive. He said, "that sounds reasonable."

I was fine in the moment but after reflecting on it, I'm not crazy about it. I guess I'm disappointed that a) he didn't bring it up first, and that b) he didn't seem overly enthusiastic about it when I did.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I let this go?

Did he even say he wanted to be exclusive? Sounds like he said what you wanted was reasonable and didn’t commit to what he wanted. Maybe I’m mishearing.

OP: he did agree to it, yes.

Are you sure? Sounds like he just said your stance was reasonable, about not being intimate. Why do you think you're now exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the conversation have the intended effect? Are you now exclusive?

Get over the Hallmark, Rom Com stuff in your head. You have different views /timelines about sex and exclusivity, so he didn’t bring it up. It was important to you, so you did. He agreed with your concern.

No need to make drama where there is none.

Just like the "should I watch a video my bf sent me" thread, some women just cannot live without creating or profligating drama.

It's not drama to want to protect yourself from getting hurt down the line.

? I don’t even understand this.

You stated a need / preference.
He made an agreement that validated your preference, and accommodated it in the relationship.

If you want to not get hurt down the line, don’t put yourself into a relationship at all. There are never guarantees.

Who gave you permission to make a logical statement on this board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you. Personally, I would end it if you want a proper boyfriend type relationship because you’re not going to get what you want from this guy.

I swear there is someone that never wants any woman to have a successful relationship and just has CTRL +P shortcut on her computer to say this to every question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be concerned about it. I want someone who is a “hell yes” about me, not a “that’s reasonable”.

But, I have no filter when it comes to men anymore, so I wouldn’t be shy about bringing it up again. “Hey, I wanted to discuss the other night. What is it that you want? Do you want to be exclusive, or are you just going along with it?”

OMG. YES. "Sounds reasonable" does not mean he will also be exclusive. It is a statement that is saying your stand is normal, but my NO MEANS is he saying that he will also be exclusive.

You need to read 'man speak'. It's like the man that says "I love you [/b]too[b]" when his affair partner utters those three dreaded words. What else is he going to say if he still wants 'no strings' sex? Or the 'timing is just not right', when kids are older, and keeps kicking the can down the road.

Don't be desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the conversation have the intended effect? Are you now exclusive?

Get over the Hallmark, Rom Com stuff in your head. You have different views /timelines about sex and exclusivity, so he didn’t bring it up. It was important to you, so you did. He agreed with your concern.

No need to make drama where there is none.

Just like the "should I watch a video my bf sent me" thread, some women just cannot live without creating or profligating drama.

It's not drama to want to protect yourself from getting hurt down the line.

Any relationship is a risk. You can get hurt at any time. You cannot protect 100 percent against it. You are living in a fantasy.

[Anonymous]

OP. Don’t listen to the negative nellies. You are now in an exclusive relationship. Good for you! I was the one who broach the exclusivity issue with my then bf and he said he was open but not yet. Despite being angry I told him there was a deadline for commitment and i won’t wait around forever. It took another two months and he agreed to be exclusive. We now have two kids and have been married over ten years. Guys sometimes need a little nudge or they are happy coasting forever. Congrats on your new relationship!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good outcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man (39yo) and I (38yo) have been dating (proper dates a few times per week) for the past 2.5 months. Recently, we started having sex.

The other night I asked him if he was dating or seeing anyone else and he said no, but that he had "met a few people a few weeks ago."

I asked if they had slept together and he said no. I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable remaining intimate unless we were exclusive. He said, "that sounds reasonable."

I was fine in the moment but after reflecting on it, I'm not crazy about it. I guess I'm disappointed that a) he didn't bring it up first, and that b) he didn't seem overly enthusiastic about it when I did.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I let this go?

You won't be able to keep him for long with that attitude. Do not think going exclusive as you "own" him. Do not suffocate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be concerned about it. I want someone who is a “hell yes” about me, not a “that’s reasonable”.

But, I have no filter when it comes to men anymore, so I wouldn’t be shy about bringing it up again. “Hey, I wanted to discuss the other night. What is it that you want? Do you want to be exclusive, or are you just going along with it?”

OMG. YES. "Sounds reasonable" does not mean he will also be exclusive. It is a statement that is saying your stand is normal, but my NO MEANS is he saying that he will also be exclusive.

You need to read 'man speak'. It's like the man that says "I love you [/b]too[b]" when his affair partner utters those three dreaded words. What else is he going to say if he still wants 'no strings' sex? Or the 'timing is just not right', when kids are older, and keeps kicking the can down the road.

Don't be desperate.

OP, I'm wondering about this too. Did he say something else that makes you think that you're exclusive? Because the quote you provided doesn't seem like he agreed to be exclusive.