Would you forgive sexual abuse?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I forgive you but that does not mean I want to see you, or be part of your family, or not want you to do jail time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the message of forgiveness in the different world religions is really beautiful. But are some things just not forgivable, like being sexually abused by a parent? What's the hardest thing you've forgiven and how did you get there?

You are duty-bound to forgive
That doesn't mean you cannot say no or do what is in your power to stop the abuse.

Oh no no no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. "Forgiveness" is really about doing whatever it takes to preserve your mental health and lead you to healing. Vengeance may be satisfying in the short-term, but the main thing is to move on and be happy, in whichever way you can. When people move on, with the passage of time, they find that they are amenable to forgiving their tormentors. Personally as a biologist, I think it's just some physiological function of our brains, that our memories dim past pain, like the pain of childbirth, and that hazy memories help us forgive.

2. I don't think we should ever forget or forgive institutional abuse. Something as deliberate and planned as the Holocaust, or something unplanned but still terrible like the abuse of children by priests. The only way to make sure it doesn't happen again is to legislate, enforce laws and guard against hate.

I agree that “forgiveness” can mean just finding peace in your brain, but I strongly disagree that sexual abuse, especially by a family member, is remotely akin to the pain of childbirth. At least for now, pregnancy and childbirth are risks knowingly undertaken, generally speaking with only short term pain and a delightful outcome (again, all generalities; I am aware that birth violence is real and that not every mother gets to take home a living, healthy baby), plus a whole evolutionary cocktail of hormones to help with the forgetting. It’s godawful in the short term, but there’s a reason for the pain.

Sexual violence? There’s no point for any of that. There’s no reason a child should be hurt physically, mentally and spiritually. There is no consent, there is no positive outcome. There is just a child who will be damaged and left to solve this trauma her or himself. The damage doesn’t dim, the memories do not become hazy. It is a crime and it is inexcusable.

If “forgiveness” helps a survivor of sexual abuse find peace, have at it! But frankly I can only hope that the perpetrators are held responsible in this realm and burn off their sins in hell until they are cleansed of the damage they did.

[Anonymous]

I also agree with the sentiment around forgiveness is a tool that can be used by the victim to start to heal mentally. But it’s personal and certainly not something that can be demanded by anyone or even a duty.

I hate that “forgiveness” is used as a weapon against victim and as a false tool to not hold people accountable. Those videos of pastors who have abused people making tearful “confessions” of their “sins,” and the sanctuary bursts into applause for the “brave” man who “confesses” his sins. It’s gross and disgusting. Meanwhile wives of cheating and abusive husbands are shamed and kicked out of their churches for not “forgiving” their POS husbands.

[Anonymous]

Forgiveness does not mean I will see or talk to you.

Yes I forgive my abuser, should they still go to jail, yes. Do I want to see you when you get out? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I forgive you but that does not mean I want to see you, or be part of your family, or not want you to do jail time.

+10000

Sure, I can “forgive” — but I also demand that sex abusers are locked up for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgive you but that does not mean I want to see you, or be part of your family, or not want you to do jail time.

+10000

Sure, I can “forgive” — but I also demand that sex abusers are locked up for the rest of their lives.

That sounds vengeful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgive you but that does not mean I want to see you, or be part of your family, or not want you to do jail time.

+10000

Sure, I can “forgive” — but I also demand that sex abusers are locked up for the rest of their lives.

That sounds vengeful

Expecting someone to be held accountable is nit vengeful. Cutting off his d!ck is vengeful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the message of forgiveness in the different world religions is really beautiful. But are some things just not forgivable, like being sexually abused by a parent? What's the hardest thing you've forgiven and how did you get there?

Being raped at knife point for five hours and the murder of a family member. Forgiveness is a gift to self not the person who hurt you. Forgiveness means that you do not give them free rent in your head because the chances are good that they don't give a damn about what they did to you. Make no mistake, it took a very long time.