Can a man and a woman really be just friends?

[Anonymous]

I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

You’d maybe send each other a Christmas card every year, that’s about it. Perhaps a dinner with wife if you are in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In theory, yes, but in reality, one usually has or develops romantic hopes or feelings for the other eve if they never verbalize it to that person

So what, this is probably true in many same sex friendships as well, just completely repressed due to social norms. Some of the feelings I’ve had for women friends have been very intense.

I think we probably have thoughts and feelings of all kinds for all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships — parents, teachers, colleagues, etc. It doesn’t prevent those relationships from going forward. Reality is complicated.

[Anonymous]

The thing I find amusing about this question is the concept that all men want to have sex with all women and therefore can't be friends with a woman without at some point wanting sex with her. If I were a man I'd find this a little insulting. I guess what goes along with that is the idea that a man won't want to be friends with a women unless he also finds her sexually desirable.

Bottom line for me, in my 60s now, is that I have certainly had male friends over the years, both when I was married and when I wasn't. Although there may have been some element of sexual attraction I have never had the problem of either of us not being able to ignore that if, for instance, we were unavailable or if it wasn't mutual.

[Anonymous]

One of my oldest friends is my college girlfriend’s best friend. We have been friends for 30 plus years - both as singles and when we were married to other people. She is one of the most valuable people in my life. I’m also friends with an ex girlfriend who is married and another who is not. We just enjoy each other’s company. I’ve known all three before I was married and if my DW did anything nasty or jealous toward them she could just sod off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but honestly I only made close male friends before marriage; since then it's maintenance of those old friendships, and maybe friendly co-workers/spouses of friends.

This. Purely platonic for the woman. My guy friend would routinely “fall in love” with his female friends but it was never reciprocated. I assumed he was gay when we first met because he never dated and still doesn’t. We’ve been friends for 20yrs. I’ve traveled to see him and stayed at his house and he’s visited my family. Nothing romantic ever.

[Anonymous]

I've had true friendships with women without a sexual thought under the following conditions:
1. She's a gf or DW of one of my friends
2. I'm in a relationship with someone more attractive
3. She's not attractive at all

Otherwise, I was pretending to be a decent person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but honestly I only made close male friends before marriage; since then it's maintenance of those old friendships, and maybe friendly co-workers/spouses of friends.

Same. And my male friends from pre-marriage are all married. Those friendships are maintained very loosely. Maybe a Christmas card and a birthday text. Perhaps we meet up if in town, but not just the two of us- either with my family or theirs or both families.

Now, the male friends I have are through work, kids, or spouse of girlfriends. I don’t text or see them out of the context in which we know each other. We aren’t texting regularly, sharing very personal details (like i would with a girlfriend) or going out just the two of us. It is hard enough to get a date night with my own husband.

[Anonymous]

How old are you that you have never seen When Harry Met Sally?

[Anonymous]

I'm Bi. If it weren't possible to be friends with people platonically, I wouldn't have any friends at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had true friendships with women without a sexual thought under the following conditions:
1. She's a gf or DW of one of my friends
2. I'm in a relationship with someone more attractive
3. She's not attractive at all

Otherwise, I was pretending to be a decent person.

Man here, this is 100% accurate.

And to add, I have absolutely had true female friendships and still do, with attractive women but I want to have sex with them and probably would if they were down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Bi. If it weren't possible to be friends with people platonically, I wouldn't have any friends at all.

But you are a woman. Men feel differently.

Or to flip your premise, men can still be friends with women they want to have sex with. If we couldn't, we wouldn't have many female friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my oldest friends is my college girlfriend’s best friend. We have been friends for 30 plus years - both as singles and when we were married to other people. She is one of the most valuable people in my life. I’m also friends with an ex girlfriend who is married and another who is not. We just enjoy each other’s company. I’ve known all three before I was married and if my DW did anything nasty or jealous toward them she could just sod off.

And if they did anything mean or jealous towards your wife? They could sod off right? I say this as a woan, but female "friends" are notorious for this crap towards the wife or girlfriend because they came first., and play a really manipulative game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had true friendships with women without a sexual thought under the following conditions:
1. She's a gf or DW of one of my friends
2. I'm in a relationship with someone more attractive
3. She's not attractive at all

Otherwise, I was pretending to be a decent person.

Man here, this is 100% accurate.

And to add, I have absolutely had true female friendships and still do, with attractive women but I want to have sex with them and probably would if they were down

Careful now you're going to make some of our posters angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my oldest friends is my college girlfriend’s best friend. We have been friends for 30 plus years - both as singles and when we were married to other people. She is one of the most valuable people in my life. I’m also friends with an ex girlfriend who is married and another who is not. We just enjoy each other’s company. I’ve known all three before I was married and if my DW did anything nasty or jealous toward them she could just sod off.

I think it's really bizarre that you became besties with your girlfriend's best friend, and then you're little rant towards your wife at the end which is totally disrespectful, boundary issues galore.