MIL always talks about DH’s ex-wife
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Anonymous
Are you 12? |
Anonymous
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I think she does it to keep some sort of bind with DH. It’s a time I wasn’t in the picture and just between them.
DH helped his mom out for awhile after his divorce. MIL seemed to think he was going to live with her forever. Then he moved across the country to be with me. I’m indifferent on developing a relationship with her. I’m not close with my parents, and MIL is difficult sometimes. I bought her a birthday gift that she complained about so I had to have it returned. I wouldn’t talk to her again if she wasn’t DH’s mom. |
Anonymous
| Nod and let it go. |
Anonymous
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My MIL just died. I regret the stupid petty stuff that I let get to me.
Ignore it. |
Anonymous
Mine died too but I don't regret being firm and having boundaries |
Anonymous
Sounds like DH doesn't mind being updated about his ex, who has essentially remained part of his mother's family. Others have suggested that she's trying to hurt you in some way, but I think it's quite possibly an innocent attempt to share news about people from their lives. Yes, I think you're being insecure. |
Anonymous
| MIL doesn't like you as much as her former DIL, the lesbian. And she likes you more than the one who will replace you because of your irrational ongoing whining. So there's that! |
Anonymous
NP. I agree with the response above that MIL may not really have some unkind agenda here; she honestly might consider former DIL a friend now (they talk weekly--that's more than I talk to some of my closest friends!). MIL truly might be doing as most of us do and talking happily about her friend's life in which she's invested. However, and it's a big however, MIL seems to have forgotten that her friend was once your DH's wife and that it's insensitive to chat casually about former DIL around you. Again, MIL may not be trying to be cruel or insensitive at all; but she's tone-deaf. Your DH -- not you, OP, but your DH, the adult son in this equation -- needs to tell his mom, nicely but firmly, "Hey, mom, I know that (name) is a good friend to you and I'm glad you've maintained a friendship with her. But for (OP) it's rough to keep hearing a person she knows is my ex-wife being brought up and her life updated. I've moved on from (name) and while I'm glad she's doing well, it would mean a lot to me if you could keep the updates to just me and not bring it up around (OP)." Or whatever works. It is DH's role to handle his family (as it is your role to handle your family), and he needs to have your back and understand better that hearing about his ex all the time makes you feel "less than." He and MIL could both say, "But she's not comparing you to Ex! You have nothing to worry about!" And that's true. But it doesn't negate how it makes you feel. You might have to talk to DH and explain why hearing so often about his ex is just too much for you. I wonder if the fact that the ex came out as lesbian makes MIL (and maybe DH too) feel that it's now no big deal to talk freely about her; they might think, "OP knows the ex is not a threat in terms of wanting to get back with DH" or whatever. That might be in their heads even if they don't realize it's there. And it's kind of understandable. But in your shoes I'd feel the same -- it's bringing up a part of DH's life that was surely difficult, and it reminds you constantly of that past instead of your future with DH. Just don't assume MIL has some bad intent here. You said he moved across the country to be with you. Does that mean you and he communicate with MIL on the phone/e-mail/text/Zoom? That's actually good. You can just leave the conversation when you need to. But DH does need to step up here, nicely, but clearly. |
Anonymous
| It’s unusual, but why *rude*? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
I was wondering this, too. |
Anonymous
| I'd wonder if MIL was closet-gay and I'd ask her why she was so fixated... I really would. But then, I'd have shut it down years ago. |