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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been married for 2 years. DH was divorced for 10 years before we met. MIL is still friends with the ex-W. MIL invites her to stay at her home and talks to her every Sunday. DH and his ex-W don’t talk. They didn’t have kids and ended in a weird situation where his ex-W came out as a lesbian.

I have no issue with MIL having whatever type of relationship she would like with DH’s ex. I just think it’s really weird and rude that she talks about her to DH and I. MIL will tell me what’s happening in ex-W’s life. I told DH I think this is rude. He said his mom doesn’t mean any harm. Should I say something to MIL to stop it?  Am I just being insecure?[/quote]

Sounds like DH doesn't mind being updated about his ex, who has essentially remained part of his mother's family. Others have suggested that she's trying to hurt you in some way, but I think it's quite possibly an innocent attempt to share news about people from their lives. Yes, I think you're being insecure.[/quote]

NP. I agree with the response above that MIL may [i]not[/i] really have some unkind agenda here; she honestly might consider former DIL a friend now (they talk weekly--that's more than I talk to some of my closest friends!). MIL truly might be doing as most of us do and talking happily about her friend's life in which she's invested.

However, and it's a big however, MIL seems to have forgotten that her friend was once your DH's wife and that it's insensitive to chat casually about former DIL around you. Again, MIL may not be trying to be cruel or insensitive at all; but she's tone-deaf.

Your DH -- not you, OP, but your DH, the adult son in this equation -- needs to tell his mom, nicely but firmly, "Hey, mom, I know that (name) is a good friend to you and I'm glad you've maintained a friendship with her. But for (OP) it's rough to keep hearing a person she knows is my ex-wife being brought up and her life updated. I've moved on from (name) and while I'm glad she's doing well, it would mean a lot to me if you could keep the updates to just me and not bring it up around (OP)." Or whatever works.

It is DH's role to handle his family (as it is your role to handle your family), and he needs to have your back and understand better that hearing about his ex all the time makes you feel "less than." He and MIL could both say, "But she's not comparing you to Ex! You have nothing to worry about!" And that's true. But it doesn't negate how it makes you feel. You might have to talk to DH and explain why hearing so often about his ex is just too much for you.

I wonder if the fact that the ex came out as lesbian makes MIL (and maybe DH too) feel that it's now no big deal to talk freely about her; they might think, "OP knows the ex is not a threat in terms of wanting to get back with DH" or whatever. That might be in their heads even if they don't realize it's there. And it's kind of understandable. But in your shoes I'd feel the same -- it's bringing up a part of DH's life that was surely difficult, and it reminds you constantly of that past instead of your future with DH. Just don't assume MIL has some bad intent here.

You said he moved across the country to be with you. Does that mean you and he communicate with MIL on the phone/e-mail/text/Zoom? That's actually good. You can just leave the conversation when you need to. But DH does need to step up here, nicely, but clearly.[/quote]

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