I don't want to babysit niece and nephews for the weekend

[Anonymous]

Your sweet SIL wants him to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Op, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s hard to see widowed people move on. I lost my own mom when I was young, and I have a very good friend who lost her husband early in her marriage. It’s a very public loss, and it’s hard to see the spouse left behind develop a new romantic relationship.

But those are your feelings to manage. I say this with love, but you need to work your way through your grief over losing your SIL. Some therapy might not be the worst thing. Some sort of ritualized way of saying good-bye to her. It’s okay for your BIL to date again.

I’m sure he loved your SIL very much, and treasures the time he did have with her. But he doesn’t get to have a future with her. It’s okay for him to find someone else to share that time with. And as much as it’s hard for you, this is a time where you should swallow your feelings, put on a smile, and babysit his children. It’s okay to not want it to be happening. But it is. And it’s okay to support him through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suck.it.up. You should be focused on your b and the kids being happy and part of a stable family unit again one day. Do not make this about you.

Why are women always made to feel they have to suck it up? Op does not owe bil free babysitting.

Op just say no. You are unavailable. Have him figure it out by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s hard to see widowed people move on. I lost my own mom when I was young, and I have a very good friend who lost her husband early in her marriage. It’s a very public loss, and it’s hard to see the spouse left behind develop a new romantic relationship.

But those are your feelings to manage. I say this with love, but you need to work your way through your grief over losing your SIL. Some therapy might not be the worst thing. Some sort of ritualized way of saying good-bye to her. It’s okay for your BIL to date again.

I’m sure he loved your SIL very much, and treasures the time he did have with her. But he doesn’t get to have a future with her. It’s okay for him to find someone else to share that time with. And as much as it’s hard for you, this is a time where you should swallow your feelings, put on a smile, and babysit his children. It’s okay to not want it to be happening. But it is. And it’s okay to support him through it.

OP here. Thank you. I know you are right, in my heart. I don't expect him to remain single for the life honestly I don't. I think I had finally come around to the idea of SIL being gone, and then now there's this new woman who might be in the picture forever. I don't know it's difficult. It's like she's being replaced, and I wonder if my husband would do the same as his brother if I were to pass. I know that no matter what it's harder on him. And to the posters attacking him for dating, he's been nothing but a devoted dad. Even before my SIL passed he was an involved dad, so it's not like he's dumping the kids on us to go out dating and partying. My husband and I have watched the kids for the weekend before so it's not a new thing, and we don't mind doing it. I know I need to just say yes and be kind
Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s hard to see widowed people move on. I lost my own mom when I was young, and I have a very good friend who lost her husband early in her marriage. It’s a very public loss, and it’s hard to see the spouse left behind develop a new romantic relationship.

But those are your feelings to manage. I say this with love, but you need to work your way through your grief over losing your SIL. Some therapy might not be the worst thing. Some sort of ritualized way of saying good-bye to her. It’s okay for your BIL to date again.

I’m sure he loved your SIL very much, and treasures the time he did have with her. But he doesn’t get to have a future with her. It’s okay for him to find someone else to share that time with. And as much as it’s hard for you, this is a time where you should swallow your feelings, put on a smile, and babysit his children. It’s okay to not want it to be happening. But it is. And it’s okay to support him through it.

OP here. Thank you. I know you are right, in my heart. I don't expect him to remain single for the life honestly I don't. I think I had finally come around to the idea of SIL being gone, and then now there's this new woman who might be in the picture forever. I don't know it's difficult. It's like she's being replaced, and I wonder if my husband would do the same as his brother if I were to pass. I know that no matter what it's harder on him. And to the posters attacking him for dating, he's been nothing but a devoted dad. Even before my SIL passed he was an involved dad, so it's not like he's dumping the kids on us to go out dating and partying. My husband and I have watched the kids for the weekend before so it's not a new thing, and we don't mind doing it. I know I need to just say yes and be kind
Thank you.

You're being used. I would say no...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are entitled to your feelings. I think you do need to work past these emotions. However, for now, just tell him you aren't able to that weekend for X reason.

+1. It is okay to say no this time. I would just tell him you have plans you can't change. I think a therapist would help you sort through these feelings. I would also focus on these sorts of things as being time with the kids rather than helping your brother.

[Anonymous]

She passed a few years ago. Years. If you have not moved forward with your grief you may need therapy.

You don't have to babysit if you don't want to.

Your BIL should not have to live alone for the rest of his life.

Your grief should be separate to your BIL. Its not cheating which again comes back to you needing therapy to deal with your own grief and your inability to move forward.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if op doesn’t want another woman to deal with in the family. This may not be all about grief. She probably gets to make more decisions about holidays etc since there is not wife on the brother in law side.

[Anonymous]

You gotta get over it- it’s been years.
Help your brother and his kids to be happy. Being a single parent is HARD. He deserves love. And if the girlfriend is a nice person, it will be good for those kids to have a female influence again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gotta get over it- it’s been years.
Help your brother and his kids to be happy. Being a single parent is HARD. He deserves love. And if the girlfriend is a nice person, it will be good for those kids to have a female influence again.

- signed adult child who is sad that her widowed mom never found love again because she as ALWAYS put her kids first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta get over it- it’s been years.
Help your brother and his kids to be happy. Being a single parent is HARD. He deserves love. And if the girlfriend is a nice person, it will be good for those kids to have a female influence again.

- signed adult child who is sad that her widowed mom never found love again because she as ALWAYS put her kids first

dp Maybe she didn't want the hassle of another man in her life. I love my dh but, I am one and done if he passes before me. So, maybe your mom is happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sweet SIL wants him to be happy.

He can be happy alone. He doesn't need a woman. I would not want DH to remarry. He can focus on the kids, danily, friends, hobbies. It only complicates things for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sweet SIL wants him to be happy.

He can be happy alone. He doesn't need a woman. I would not want DH to remarry. He can focus on the kids, danily, friends, hobbies. It only complicates things for the kids.

How many men do you think are like Liam Neeson?

[Anonymous]

Use your words Op. You are entitled to a preference. For any reason, for no reason. No explanation needed.