I don't want to babysit niece and nephews for the weekend

[Anonymous]

And I feel like the Grinch and my reasoning is totally selfish. I love my nieces and nephews, but I am struggling with BIL having a new girlfriend. My SIL were best friends, neither of us had sisters growing up so we became like sisters, and honestly, I have felt pretty lost since she passed a few years ago, and yes I realize it's worse for my BIL and the kids. My BIL started dating a woman 6 months ago, and things seem to be pretty serious, and she's nice, there's nothing actually wrong with her, but I'm really struggling with the idea of her being around. Anyway, BIL asked me and DH to watch the kids the weekend before Christmas because he wants to go away with his girlfriend for 6-month anniversary. Normally I have no problem babysitting, and we've had plenty of sleepovers in the past and have always had a blast. But I don't want to do this, it feels like we're helping him cheat, even though I know he isn't cheating and isn't doing anything wrong. He's been nothing but a good, but it still feels wrong to me. Of course, my husband doesn't understand why I'm bothered b this. So help me DCUM, help me do the right thing here, and help me not be resentful and be welcoming to his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Suck.it.up. You should be focused on your b and the kids being happy and part of a stable family unit again one day. Do not make this about you.

[Anonymous]

Going away at 6 months is a bit absurd. He needs to put those kids first. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

You know what the right thing to do is. You babysit the kids and let the widower handle his grief in his own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suck.it.up. You should be focused on your b and the kids being happy and part of a stable family unit again one day. Do not make this about you.

No. They are not entitled to an entire weekend of free babysitting and “six month anniversaries” aren’t a thing past high school.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to babysit someone else kids for an entire weekend. That’s a big ask. But if you typically would be fine with doing so - like, let’s say this was a bachelor party or other guys trip or a work trip and you would say yes - I don’t think you should let the fact that it’s a girlfriend trip stop you.

I’m sorry for your loss. But he’s entitled to move on and date others. I would support him in this.

[Anonymous]

One way I like to think of things….if I passed away I would not want my loved ones to live the rest of their lives in grief.

[Anonymous]

I would try to move past your grief for a second and stretch your empathy a little for your BIL. I don’t know the circumstances of the death and how the children feel, but it is incredibly horrible and lonely to be a widow. I don’t begrudge someone for wanting desperately to have a semblance of normalcy and be happy again. No one knows how they would be in his shoes, and I would root for his happiness now. That said, it doesn’t mean you have to babysit the kids either.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of his stated reason, presumably he has not had a weekend off or any respite in a long time. If it were a single mom asking for coverage for a weekend away what would you do? Can you find it in you to do this for him? To give a widow a weekend away from his identity as a dad? At a time of year that might really suck for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suck.it.up. You should be focused on your b and the kids being happy and part of a stable family unit again one day. Do not make this about you.

+1 sounds like your only objection is the fact you don’t want bil to move on. How unbelievably selfish.

[Anonymous]

Is he deserving of happiness? Was he supposed to remain lonely forever? Will she bring joy to both him and the children? Make their lives a little bit easier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suck.it.up. You should be focused on your b and the kids being happy and part of a stable family unit again one day. Do not make this about you.

I disagree. If OP does not want to babysit for him, then tell him do and why. This way he will not ask again. The father of these kids is the one who should be focused on them and give up his weekend with his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to babysit someone else kids for an entire weekend. That’s a big ask. But if you typically would be fine with doing so - like, let’s say this was a bachelor party or other guys trip or a work trip and you would say yes - I don’t think you should let the fact that it’s a girlfriend trip stop you.

I’m sorry for your loss. But he’s entitled to move on and date others. I would support him in this.

He can hire a babysitter or ask his family.

[Anonymous]

If this relationship leads to marriage do you still want a relationship with these kids?

[Anonymous]

I think you are entitled to your feelings. I think you do need to work past these emotions. However, for now, just tell him you aren't able to that weekend for X reason.