This house never felt like home. Does yours? Normal?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never felt that way. All my homes have felt like homes, even my rooms in weird group houses and the one awful studio. I lived in for 6 months after grad school. I am good at settling into a place. Arranging furniture, displaying art, organizing the kitchen, buying little touches to make it feel homier.

I can’t imagine it any other way. I’m such a homebody. I love to travel but always look forward to returning home. And even when we move to a better place than the last, I feel a pang of sadness. Home is memories and warmth and … life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am thankful that I LOVE my house, and the street, and I do have that feeling of being home when I return from somewhere.

Yet I'm sure it's not a house any of you would have chosen. It's tiny, nearly a 100 years old, needed a gut renovation of the ground floor (should also have done the upper floor), and did I say it was tiny? We're four people to one bathroom upstairs. No closets to speak of.

And yet when I saw it on sale, I knew it was for me: it was the right neighborhood, the exact school cluster I wanted, and I feel in love with the crooked roofline. I didn't want a new house. I wanted a quirky house. I decorated it exactly how I wanted, with expensive foreign wallpaper, and tiles and wood carvings I would not have been able to afford had I needed to cover more space.

The moral of this story is that you really have to know yourself and know what will make you happy, and what imperfections you can live with.

So true. So so true. This place doesn’t make me happy at all. It’s very difficult to live here which is maybe why it’s not “home”.

I hope I can find it in the next one. You’re right. I need to know what will make me
Happy.

PP you replied to. I forgot to add, one tangible thing I noticed when I first visited the empty house was the light distribution. Since the house is small and squarish, and there are windows everywhere, the light comes from all sides. We improved that by doing an open floor plan downstairs - which also made sense given how tiny the space was. Light is very important, since it goes a long way towards making you feel contented and balanced. The side effect is that we don't have much storage space, since all the walls have windows! And paintings have to be placed carefully so as not to fade in the light... anyway. It's interesting to figure out what works and what doesn't for you.

[Anonymous]

I feel similarly. I’ve always loved older homes with a lot of brick and ended up buying a very modern townhouse with high ceilings and big windows. I don’t know how to make it feel homey.

[Anonymous]

No I love my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel similarly. I’ve always loved older homes with a lot of brick and ended up buying a very modern townhouse with high ceilings and big windows. I don’t know how to make it feel homey.

I went along with what my DH wanted. I hate our house. Too big, too modern, not at all cozy. Been here a long time and I think it’s our forever home, which is depressing.

[Anonymous]

My house definitely feels like home. I love it, and it’s so comfortable. We haven’t even finished decorating (just bought/moved in July) and it just feels good to be in.

I think it’s really important for my house to feel that way too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am thankful that I LOVE my house, and the street, and I do have that feeling of being home when I return from somewhere.

Yet I'm sure it's not a house any of you would have chosen. It's tiny, nearly a 100 years old, needed a gut renovation of the ground floor (should also have done the upper floor), and did I say it was tiny? We're four people to one bathroom upstairs. No closets to speak of.

And yet when I saw it on sale, I knew it was for me: it was the right neighborhood, the exact school cluster I wanted, and I feel in love with the crooked roofline. I didn't want a new house. I wanted a quirky house. I decorated it exactly how I wanted, with expensive foreign wallpaper, and tiles and wood carvings I would not have been able to afford had I needed to cover more space.

The moral of this story is that you really have to know yourself and know what will make you happy, and what imperfections you can live with.

So true. So so true. This place doesn’t make me happy at all. It’s very difficult to live here which is maybe why it’s not “home”.

I hope I can find it in the next one. You’re right. I need to know what will make me
Happy.

PP you replied to. I forgot to add, one tangible thing I noticed when I first visited the empty house was the light distribution. Since the house is small and squarish, and there are windows everywhere, the light comes from all sides. We improved that by doing an open floor plan downstairs - which also made sense given how tiny the space was. Light is very important, since it goes a long way towards making you feel contented and balanced. The side effect is that we don't have much storage space, since all the walls have windows! And paintings have to be placed carefully so as not to fade in the light... anyway. It's interesting to figure out what works and what doesn't for you.

OP here and wow, come you come house hunt with me or be my house therapist?!? You’re so right.

This house is DARK and it kills me. There is one beautiful bright room and come to think it, that room evokes the strongest feeling of “home” for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel similarly. I’ve always loved older homes with a lot of brick and ended up buying a very modern townhouse with high ceilings and big windows. I don’t know how to make it feel homey.

I went along with what my DH wanted. I hate our house. Too big, too modern, not at all cozy. Been here a long time and I think it’s our forever home, which is depressing.

OP here and so did it. It’s old, dark, and not functional. It’s not my style at all either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never felt that way. All my homes have felt like homes, even my rooms in weird group houses and the one awful studio. I lived in for 6 months after grad school. I am good at settling into a place. Arranging furniture, displaying art, organizing the kitchen, buying little touches to make it feel homier.

I can’t imagine it any other way. I’m such a homebody. I love to travel but always look forward to returning home. And even when we move to a better place than the last, I feel a pang of sadness. Home is memories and warmth and … life.

So to be clear, my house IS “homey”. There’s no style, but it’s decorated for us and has a ton of photos.

But my heart isn’t here at all. When I come home from a long day, there’s no sense of relief.

[Anonymous]

After 2.5 years living there - if it truly does not bring you any joy OP then it is all a place to hang your hat at the end of the day.

Hope you find your true HOME very soon!

[Anonymous]

No, here for five years and still don't like the neighborhood or home. You get what you can afford to get in this area. Now we are even priced out of our own house if we were to buy it today!

[Anonymous]

So glad you are selling. Now pay attention to this “feeling” as you approach your next home, what’s your feeling driving there, as you turn on the street, stand out front. When you’re inside, I would ask myself do I want the realtor to leave me here because it’s home?
Some of us are highly intuitive and everyone else doesn’t feel that strongly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am thankful that I LOVE my house, and the street, and I do have that feeling of being home when I return from somewhere.

Yet I'm sure it's not a house any of you would have chosen. It's tiny, nearly a 100 years old, needed a gut renovation of the ground floor (should also have done the upper floor), and did I say it was tiny? We're four people to one bathroom upstairs. No closets to speak of.

And yet when I saw it on sale, I knew it was for me: it was the right neighborhood, the exact school cluster I wanted, and I feel in love with the crooked roofline. I didn't want a new house. I wanted a quirky house. I decorated it exactly how I wanted, with expensive foreign wallpaper, and tiles and wood carvings I would not have been able to afford had I needed to cover more space.

The moral of this story is that you really have to know yourself and know what will make you happy, and what imperfections you can live with.

So true. So so true. This place doesn’t make me happy at all. It’s very difficult to live here which is maybe why it’s not “home”.

I hope I can find it in the next one. You’re right. I need to know what will make me
Happy.

PP you replied to. I forgot to add, one tangible thing I noticed when I first visited the empty house was the light distribution. Since the house is small and squarish, and there are windows everywhere, the light comes from all sides. We improved that by doing an open floor plan downstairs - which also made sense given how tiny the space was. Light is very important, since it goes a long way towards making you feel contented and balanced. The side effect is that we don't have much storage space, since all the walls have windows! And paintings have to be placed carefully so as not to fade in the light... anyway. It's interesting to figure out what works and what doesn't for you.

OP here and wow, come you come house hunt with me or be my house therapist?!? You’re so right.

This house is DARK and it kills me. There is one beautiful bright room and come to think it, that room evokes the strongest feeling of “home” for me.

I knew my realtor was for us when she told me which way the morning light would come in and where it would be in the evening…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel similarly. I’ve always loved older homes with a lot of brick and ended up buying a very modern townhouse with high ceilings and big windows. I don’t know how to make it feel homey.

I went along with what my DH wanted. I hate our house. Too big, too modern, not at all cozy. Been here a long time and I think it’s our forever home, which is depressing.

OP here and so did it. It’s old, dark, and not functional. It’s not my style at all either.

NP. Ah, some insight here. So it’s not really a house you chose in the first place. I duked it out with my dh when we were house hunting. It was really hard. After the first serious weekend of looking (we had come in from out of state), he had a favorite that I hated and I had a favorite that he hated. It was bad and we had a super-tense drive home afterwards. I give 100% credit to our realtor for getting us through it. He was better than any marriage counselor. He managed to explain to me what my husband’s thought process was in a way that my husband could not. And he kept in mind what dh wanted and what I wanted. Took us two more months of hard-core looking before we found the right place that worked for both dh and I. I’m grateful that we found it and it worked out. I would not have been happy in a house that only met dh’s needs, not mine.

[Anonymous]

I feel unsettled whenever I’m in one of those new vinyl boxes they say are houses now. I’ve lived in old homes and buildings for the last 25 years and they always feel welcoming and like home. When I visit my friend in her McMansion on Maryland I wonder how they feel peace at such an awkward design, faux everything, no love or care went into building the house.