IL’s comments about trust funds

[Anonymous]

He is anxious about not leaving what he hoped to his son. He is likely jealous of this situation and is speaking his mind without thinking first.

I would forgive him and move on. Don't talk about these things in front of them EVER again, it's not their business. As soon as it becomes a conversation, you're in trouble.

[Anonymous]

Your FIL is jealous and is lashing out to try to hurt your feelings. He sucks. I interpreted your DH telling your ILs about your trust so they would F off and stop being so worried about you getting any of their money, but I could be wrong.

Never talk about money with them again. Your step dad sounds like an awesome human. Use the trust money as he intended to honor his memory.

[Anonymous]

It was made because he’s (FIL) feeling insecure and jealous. Let it go and never never discuss this with them again. Your dh should never have brought it up.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I suspect they are bitter by all the bad decisions and bad luck that depleted the trust, and probably (hopefully) a little embarrassed that they made it a point that you wouldn’t be included in the trust distributions well before it was even necessary to have such a conversation. Sounds like they may have enjoyed (even if unknowingly) an element of control over you and DH via their money. On top of this, they must now be mortified that your discreet and successful stepdad has left you a trust thats presumably more significant than whatever is left in DH’s trust. Heavy hangs the head that last night wore the crown.

I would ask DH not to discuss finances in front of them. Is he maybe a little too close to them on other topics, too? I also think DH should let them know those comments were out of line and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it was one comment.
Surely they are good people or they are not good people.
But base it on your entire experience with them.
This is all sounding too catty. You and them.

You sound like someone who can’t handle conflict. I bet the performance reviews at your job don’t go well, if you even work for a living.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. How unbelievably rude. Your DH should have shit that down then and there.

If he ever says something like that again, I'd just smile and say "Yep, they sure did! Would you please pass the pie?" Eff them - let then stew in their bitterness.

[Anonymous]

"DH’s parents always made it very clear, though politely, that this was their family’s money. In my mind this was obvious and all good."

I'd let it go this time, but based on this comment and other information you've provided, if he brings it up again, I'd come back with, "Carl, I was under the impression that was precisely what you did with the trust you and Betty had established. What's your point?"

Call him out. Maybe he'll have the grace to be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

my god

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"DH’s parents always made it very clear, though politely, that this was their family’s money. In my mind this was obvious and all good."

I'd let it go this time, but based on this comment and other information you've provided, if he brings it up again, I'd come back with, "Carl, I was under the impression that was precisely what you did with the trust you and Betty had established. What's your point?"

Call him out. Maybe he'll have the grace to be embarrassed.

Yes, I would not have been able to resist a remark along these lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"DH’s parents always made it very clear, though politely, that this was their family’s money. In my mind this was obvious and all good."

I'd let it go this time, but based on this comment and other information you've provided, if he brings it up again, I'd come back with, "Carl, I was under the impression that was precisely what you did with the trust you and Betty had established. What's your point?"

Call him out. Maybe he'll have the grace to be embarrassed.

Yes, I would not have been able to resist a remark along these lines.

NP I would have been able to resist, but they would have gotten a very long look from me, while I thought this in my mind.
There is nothing for you to say. Tell DH not to mention this again to them and shut down his parents if this happens again. You live your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of horrified that your DH brought your financial situation up to his parents. Not appropriate and not any of their business. I wouldn’t say a word until the ILs open their big fat mouths again and I would shut the discussion down. Your money = your voice.

I sound so mean here ^^ and I am generally not a confrontational person, but their comments were rude.

I agree. I never, ever mentioned anything about my family and finances to my ILs, including when my mom died. Never ever.

[Anonymous]

I hate when people respond with "Jealous" but this is cut-and-dried jealousy. Move on.
My FIL was always perfectly cordial to my parents until he saw their house and realized that my parents had way more money than he did. Ever since then he's been ice cold.

[Anonymous]

I would tell them to keep the money as its not worth the stress and hassle. Lets be real. You have needed the money over the years and they didn't give you any. They are trying to control you with money that doesn't exist or by the time you get it, it will not be needed or too late to enjoy.

My parents are like that but I don't think they have any intention of leaving me any money and just to my sibling. I have asked to see the will and they say no. So, I told them I am assuming they are lying, there is no money and if there is by the time I get it I'll be too old to care and they can keep it. I refuse to take any money and any time a comment comes up I remind them they haven't helped us financially and don't get us gifts so there is no need for them to threaten or discuss money as there is none. Take the control back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it was one comment.
Surely they are good people or they are not good people.
But base it on your entire experience with them.
This is all sounding too catty. You and them.

I agre. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Op, fyi my family has a lot of trusts and I am a lawyer and FYI yours sounds pretty strict. I would not rely on it too much. A family trust with several beneficiaries with a corporate trustee....it’s going to be hard to get money out. Corporate trustees can be very strict.

In contrast, my family set it up so that each of the siblings has her own trust and is her own trustee.

If you want to have more insight into how much you may be able to rely on this money for things like tuition and medical expenses, I’d get a copy and have a good estate attorney review it. For example, it is possible the disabled brother is the primary beneficiary. And therefore it’s possible the trustee will be stingy about whether or not they give you tuition etc. They might have the discretion to preserve the funds for the disabled brother. Etc.

Just be careful planning on this money.