If your kid hit you would you ever hit him back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my DH thinks I am a terrible mom when I do that (I am French, there may be a cultural difference here). I never hit my kids as a punishment or out of irritation but if they hit me (which is exceedingly rare, can probably count the occasions on one hand and they are 6 and 8) I tend to hit back. I remember even when my daughter was probably 18 months she hit me because she was upset and I hit back. She was stunned and furious and I was not sorry … (I didn’t hurt her fwiw it was just a swat, she hit me harder)

I should add for the record : on the spot I don’t think it is the most efficient.. it tends to escalate. But I never felt I was doing something morally wrong, feels like self defense. And it did make the point afterwards that hitting mom is out of the realm of ok.

[Anonymous]

Kids need to learn consequences. Good for the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm, OP said they were goofing around and maybe that extended to the conversation, in which case I would probably give it a pass.

I do NOT believe in hitting kids, OR telling them you will hit them back if they hit you in any sort of serious conversation, and I do have reservations about saying it in casual or joking conversation.

Well you should teach your kid better. If your kid hits someone they will respond.

[Anonymous]

Okay d give one warning. Then if they did it again yes.

[Anonymous]

No - your job as an adult is to de-escalate, not behave the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No - your job as an adult is to de-escalate, not behave the same way.

This is the way to handle it for a first time offence if its possible.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to hit a toddler back, but a big kid (like OP's)...well if they dared to hit me, I probably would.

None of my kids did that though (outside of toddler fits).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for her. Its not even something to joke about at age 10.

Nanny is wiser than you know. She is teaching the kid a valuable lesson.

[Anonymous]

I like the nanny’s response. A 10 year old needs to understand that hitting someone is not ok and that if you do it, that person has the right to do it back as self defense. Another thing she could have said is that she would call the police because it’s illegal to hit someone.

Note that the nanny has just used strong words and I bet that kid will never hit her in the future or even talk about hitting her again.

[Anonymous]

It isn't that I think your nanny is morally wrong, she isn't. But legally, you cannot hit your child. I'm guessing if we are talking a 10 yr old, if you "hit them back" it isn't going to be a the gentle swat on the bottom you'd give a 2 yr old- it would need to be a much harder more significant hit. Which is child abuse, like it or not.

[Anonymous]

No. The whole point of teaching your child not to hit is to teach them conflict resolution without resorting to physical violence. If you hit back, you're basically confirming that sometimes you *need* to resolve conflict with violence. But, I don't think it's okay to just let a child hit without consequence. My DC is going through a hitting phase and I've had to put in strong consequences, along with teaching skills to use instead of resorting to hitting or threatening to hit, because often the excuse is "I can't help it!" If you truly can't, let's learn and practice things you can do instead.

And all that being said, I do think some ADULT dudes need the crap beaten out of them. I've known men who abuse women, guys need a whoopin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. The whole point of teaching your child not to hit is to teach them conflict resolution without resorting to physical violence. If you hit back, you're basically confirming that sometimes you *need* to resolve conflict with violence. But, I don't think it's okay to just let a child hit without consequence. My DC is going through a hitting phase and I've had to put in strong consequences, along with teaching skills to use instead of resorting to hitting or threatening to hit, because often the excuse is "I can't help it!" If you truly can't, let's learn and practice things you can do instead.

And all that being said, I do think some ADULT dudes need the crap beaten out of them. I've known men who abuse women, guys need a whoopin'.

PP. I do want to add - of course there are exceptions, like if someone attacks you to cause harm, you get to fight back and defend yourself. We teach DC that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If yes, at what age?

My son is ten and was goofing around with his former nanny who is now a close family friend. My son said something about hitting her and she replied that she’d hit him back and hit him hard. My son was surprised but she said after ten, I hit back so keep that in mind. I doubt it’s ever going to happen (he isn’t a hitter and she loves him to bits) but it’s an interesting statement.

Your focus is on the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

What kind of upbringing does your kid have that they think they can hit people?

[Anonymous]

Yes.
I have done so reflectively and it had a profound effect.