How do you know you're not straight

[Anonymous]

Sex in the city quote: either you eat p*set or you don’t. If you’re not into it, you’re not into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we are all on a spectrum. You can be mostly attracted to one sex but still be able to appreciate the other, maybe just not as strongly. As for how to explore, well I guess the only ethical way would be with the approval of your partner.

I wish I was. Being straight is a terrible burden, but I just am not sexually attracted to women. I think women are far more beautiful than men, but I could never have sex with a woman. I don't think I could even kiss one. I wish I could explore, but I don't think I could.

A “terrible burden” huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people have to make this a complicated subject. It really is not. The answer is very simple.

You are not straight if you want to have sex with someone of the same gender. That's all there is to it.

If you appreciate and admire someone of the same gender, but have no desire to have sex with that gender, you are not bi or gay.

Do you feel the hunger and desire to do the deed with someone of the same sex? No, a daring kiss isn't it, that's what silly teenagers do to pretend they're being cool. I mean actually getting down to the dirty deeds themselves. Do you have a hunger for sexual organs and exploring them? Are you aroused by them?

All this talk about spectrum is merely invented academia speak. You either want to have sex with someone of the same gender, or opposite gender, and for a very small number of people, both.

OP, I assume you are a woman. Go look at yourself in the mirror. Then picture yourself with another woman. In bed. Rolling around. Performing oral activities on each other. Kissing each other passionately. Hugging each other tightly. Being hot in desire and passion for the other woman because she's a woman.

If you cannot and the idea doesn't arouse you and fill you with desire, and is even perhaps rather repulsive, you are most definitely not bi or a lesbian. Don't worry. It's ok I'm reminded of an episode of SATC where Charlotte falls in with a crowd of power lesbian couples and is enchanted by their world and talks about wanting to be part of their circles, and one of them turns to her and effectively says if you don't munch carpet, you aren't one of us.

Different poster. I never wanted to have sex with either gender. But I did want kids so I married a man. What does that make me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people have to make this a complicated subject. It really is not. The answer is very simple.

You are not straight if you want to have sex with someone of the same gender. That's all there is to it.

If you appreciate and admire someone of the same gender, but have no desire to have sex with that gender, you are not bi or gay.

Do you feel the hunger and desire to do the deed with someone of the same sex? No, a daring kiss isn't it, that's what silly teenagers do to pretend they're being cool. I mean actually getting down to the dirty deeds themselves. Do you have a hunger for sexual organs and exploring them? Are you aroused by them?

All this talk about spectrum is merely invented academia speak. You either want to have sex with someone of the same gender, or opposite gender, and for a very small number of people, both.

OP, I assume you are a woman. Go look at yourself in the mirror. Then picture yourself with another woman. In bed. Rolling around. Performing oral activities on each other. Kissing each other passionately. Hugging each other tightly. Being hot in desire and passion for the other woman because she's a woman.

If you cannot and the idea doesn't arouse you and fill you with desire, and is even perhaps rather repulsive, you are most definitely not bi or a lesbian. Don't worry. It's ok I'm reminded of an episode of SATC where Charlotte falls in with a crowd of power lesbian couples and is enchanted by their world and talks about wanting to be part of their circles, and one of them turns to her and effectively says if you don't munch carpet, you aren't one of us.

Different poster. I never wanted to have sex with either gender. But I did want kids so I married a man. What does that make me?

Literally the definition of asexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex in the city quote: either you eat p*set or you don’t. If you’re not into it, you’re not into it.

I suspect OP has not had opportunity to try yet. Also I don't enjoy giving head and never have. But I have enjoyed other sex acts with men. This is a dumb standard.

OP, I think if you were a teenager now you'd probably see more space and less stigma for a broad range of "not straight." We grew up in a more black and white time. I always identified as straight because I wasn't gay or broadly bi, but as actual pattern I've been more often attracted to gender-non-conforming people than men in my life, I just...didn't know what to do with that because I didnt know what box it fit in and it's easier to go with default labels. I don't even know if there's a term for it, but I think if I were younger I might put myself under a broader queen umbrella or something. I think it's ok to reflect on your life and self conception over time. Doesn't mean you have to get a divorce or sleep with a bunch of people to confirm a label. It's self knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex in the city quote: either you eat p*set or you don’t. If you’re not into it, you’re not into it.

I suspect OP has not had opportunity to try yet. Also I don't enjoy giving head and never have. But I have enjoyed other sex acts with men. This is a dumb standard.

OP, I think if you were a teenager now you'd probably see more space and less stigma for a broad range of "not straight." We grew up in a more black and white time. I always identified as straight because I wasn't gay or broadly bi, but as actual pattern I've been more often attracted to gender-non-conforming people than men in my life, I just...didn't know what to do with that because I didnt know what box it fit in and it's easier to go with default labels. I don't even know if there's a term for it, but I think if I were younger I might put myself under a broader queen umbrella or something. I think it's ok to reflect on your life and self conception over time. Doesn't mean you have to get a divorce or sleep with a bunch of people to confirm a label. It's self knowledge.

Same PP here. I remember spending my teenage years actually scared of NOT being straight and being so, so relieved if I had a crush on a boy. This was probably a sign too.

[Anonymous]

Social stigma pushes people to be straight so if you are think you *might* be gay or bi, I think it’s safe to assume that you definitely are.

I dated and slept with a few woman, but OMG am I attracted to men. The comparison as to my level of sexual attraction in my first experiences with men made that so clear to me.

I went from straight to Kingsley scale 6 gay almost overnight once I realized.

If you are a guy I’d suggest the following. Find some gay men that you know. Friends, co workers any. Ask them if they would take you to a gay bar sometime. They probably won’t ask, but if they ask if you are gay, just tell them that you just wanted to check it out. I promise they will drop the line or questioning and take you. If not your thing so be it. They make ask if you want to go again (even if you are not friends at all). They will never bring it up your social group or colleagues ever unless you actually came out.

I’m pretty confident that will help give you clarity.