A guy told me I look like Shrek

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:People are a-holes, op. That’s just a fact. There are some great ones, but many suck. He’s letting you know he’s one of the sucky ones.

Here’s the wisest thing I ever heard about self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from doing. It’s about how you value yourself, and doing things gives you something to value about yourself. Don’t sit around mulling over bad things. Find positive things to focus on. School, sports, a hobby, a volunteer opportunity, something outside yourself that you can do.

Another bit of advice, that might sound weird. Many years ago I listened to this program on self-esteem, and it really helped lift me up. It’s old now, but I think it could help you. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/239610.Self_Esteem_Peak_Performance

Wishing you well, op.

Thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you. Know that high school is not life, and some high schoolers are the absolute worst. You may not find your people in this high school, but they’re out there in college or the real world.

Meanwhile, treat yourself well, because you deserve it. I’m sure you’re not ugly, but can you get yourself a new outfit, or haircut, or a pedicure that only you know about? More in the spirit of valuing yourself than trying to measure up to childish high school standards. Therapy might help, if you can talk to your parents about this.

Thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:Insulting a woman’s appearance is the easiest and laziest insult. It is what weak men/boys do when they’ve got nothing else they can think of. Kind of like when a girl makes a small penis joke. It says nothing about you and everything about him. Not only is he awful and insecure. He is also not creative or very smart. He wanted to feel big by making you feel small. Don’t give him that. Don’t let him or his words live in your head. Your value isn’t even in your appearance. Your value is who you are, what you do and how you treat people. You are worthy. Look for ways to be kind to others this weekend. Do something nice for someone - that will make you feel better and it will also make the person you help feel better. I’m sorry this happened and I know it hurts. I’m 51 and I still remember the names I was called in high school. Be better than him. ❤️

thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT a waste of space.

I am sorry this happened. People are a-holes. First, do something kind for yourself - take a beautiful hike, a bubble bath, schedule time with someone who makes you happy, a dance party in your room with a hairbrush microphone.

And NOT because he said this, but because you mention struggling with self esteem, and that you aren't in good shape - is there something YOU would like to improve for yourself? Would YOU like to dress differently, feel healthier, play a sport etc? If so, how can you get that done? Do you have family support to help you join a team or class, a personal shopper for some new clothes, a nutritionist or trainer? Think about what you want to change and what some steps are that you can take. Baby steps, small changes. Maybe even before that, some therapy to help you figure that out, or figure out what's holding you back.

I wish you luck. He's the problem for acting that way, not you.

thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insulting a woman’s appearance is the easiest and laziest insult. It is what weak men/boys do when they’ve got nothing else they can think of. Kind of like when a girl makes a small penis joke. It says nothing about you and everything about him. Not only is he awful and insecure. He is also not creative or very smart. He wanted to feel big by making you feel small. Don’t give him that. Don’t let him or his words live in your head. Your value isn’t even in your appearance. Your value is who you are, what you do and how you treat people. You are worthy. Look for ways to be kind to others this weekend. Do something nice for someone - that will make you feel better and it will also make the person you help feel better. I’m sorry this happened and I know it hurts. I’m 51 and I still remember the names I was called in high school. Be better than him. ❤️

+1 to this. I came here to say that him saying this to you reflects volumes about him and nothing about you.

You are not a waste of space. You are loved and you are important. Don't let the ba$tard$ get you down.

thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry he was such a jerk. People are randomly cruel sometimes and I hope it doesn’t happen to you often.
You have a full right to look and dress anyway you choose! If you want to change something - do, if you don’t - that’s totally fine too! Nobody knows what everyone else is going through.

thAnk you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on the friends you have. Enjoy your time with them.

He is not confident. Confident people don't make comments like he did.

thank you so much<3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this jerk. And he IS a jerk. He may seem to be confident but no one who has a lot of self worth and/or confidence feels the need to intentionally hurt another person.

Please be kind to yourself.

thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:This is not about you, this is about him, and what a cheap and insecure person he is that he needs to get validation this way.
My guess is that it was a bet or dare with a friend—that he had to tell some girl she looks like shrek and you just happened to be the unlucky one that walked by at the wrong time. It’s totally not about you. It’s about jerks being jerks. I’m way too old but I’ve come to the conclusion that 10-15% of people are just jerks. Some of them hide it better as they get older. You can’t let them shake your sense of self though. Just ignore them, minimize your interaction with them, and know that, as they move through life, they will eventually alienate more people than they attract.

thank you so much<3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:He was feeling bad about himself, and was cruel to you in an effort to make himself feel better. It is way, way better to be you - kind, quiet, self-reflective - than him, and if he were my son, I’d be ashamed and appalled. I would not give that a-hole another second of your consideration. Kudos to you for ignoring him; he didn’t get the satisfaction of the reaction he was hoping to elicit.

thank you so much <3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:Awww, hugs to you OP. Mom of two teen girls who’ve been through similar.

Let me share my story. I was a late bloomer-one full year younger than my classmates and tiny. Often was the new girl as we moved a lot for my dad’s job. I was the new girl for the last time my sophomore year of high school and made the cheerleading squad over the summer. I also wore orthodontic braces for five years.

I felt like I really, finally belonged at a school and my confidence soared. Early in the school year, I was leaving school in my super adorable uniform, feeling great. I heard a guy behind me call my name-and I turned to see the cutest senior guy - the quarterback-and smiled shyly and expectantly! Wow! He knows my name!

Then, he simply said, “Natalie? You’re gonna look so pretty when you get those braces off.” And then he walked away.

I dissolved into tears-absolutely mortified and hurt and embarrassed. What an absolute, colossal jerk that guy was-although I can say this now at 50-but my reaction as a teen was to take this comment seriously and allow it to affect me.

Please please please try to dismiss this weird comment you got. This guy is a colossal d**k.

You are worthy and kind and sensitive (just like I am) and that makes you beautiful! You can use your sensitivity and even this experience to affect change! You’d never say such a thing to anyone and are outraged by such rudeness. We need more kindness in the world!

thank you so much<3

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:11:49 PP.

I re read your post (and got choked up by your account). You are an excellent writer. I wish I knew you IRL.

So I can tell you that that you are mature, articulate, intelligent and sensitive - all comes through in your writing.

I hope you have a mentor or two in your life; a non family member but a trusted adult (ideally female) who can support and guide you in all aspects of your teenage life now.

Do you journal? Have any creative ways as outlets for your emotions? Can you try to find your people whether that’s in a school sponsored activity or club? Like minded friends are out there, I promise. Any volunteer opportunities you could do with peers?

I love to say that I let my “freak flag” fly only when I hit middle age: then I began following my seemingly odd interests like genealogical research and presidential history and pop culture and amassing a very niche collection that I won’t even mention! When I was teen I was heavily focused on being cool and accepted and popular. Only got 2/3 - never was popular.

thank you so much <3

[Anonymous]

In college, a guy friend once said I looked like the snake from the cartoon version of the Jungle Book. I still can’t see the resemblance but it really bothered me at first and I am pretty confident. People can say hurtful things and you can’t control that so I suggest focusing on what you can control including your response to him. I’m not saying to not feel hurt, that’s completely normal, but try to not dwell too much or think there was some meaning behind it. As a women, we deal with a lot of BS and judgment about everything, it’s unfair so I always try to be kind to people. I’ve also noticed that some of the meanest people are miserable and have something going on that makes them lash out including insecurity (even the hottest people!), trauma, having shitty parents, etc. Be kind, learn to love yourself and do what makes you happy. BTW, the shallow “popular” kids from high school usually turn out to be very unhappy people and struggle to find success post-high school.

[amandbaac]

Anonymous wrote:In college, a guy friend once said I looked like the snake from the cartoon version of the Jungle Book. I still can’t see the resemblance but it really bothered me at first and I am pretty confident. People can say hurtful things and you can’t control that so I suggest focusing on what you can control including your response to him. I’m not saying to not feel hurt, that’s completely normal, but try to not dwell too much or think there was some meaning behind it. As a women, we deal with a lot of BS and judgment about everything, it’s unfair so I always try to be kind to people. I’ve also noticed that some of the meanest people are miserable and have something going on that makes them lash out including insecurity (even the hottest people!), trauma, having shitty parents, etc. Be kind, learn to love yourself and do what makes you happy. BTW, the shallow “popular” kids from high school usually turn out to be very unhappy people and struggle to find success post-high school.

thank you <3 i have been dwelling so much. I literally will look at a picture of shrek for hours to see what I truly look like. It’s sad I know. But a part of my brain thinks, why would he say Shrek of all things? That must mean I look like Shrek... anyway you and everyone replying made me feel better. So thank you

[Anonymous]

Tell him he looks like the donkey.