Accomodating special diets on Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think if we were just told that the family was vegan now, I could just accomodate that. I would not change the standard menu that the rest of the family look forward to but I would add 1-2 vegan dishes and a vegan dessert. This is more complicated.

It's likely only complicated because you haven't asked them what it means for you, in practice. I'm guessing they can tell you. (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far do you go to acomodate diets of people that are not battling specific conditions or even obese. I want to be welcoming/accomodating but we have the same menu every year and every one else just kind of eats it and goes back to whatever they consider healthy the next day. WHen they visited the last time everything revovled around their food needs. The husband and wife are on very different diets too. They do not eat the same meals at home. Add 1 steamed plain veggie dish and call it a day? Or be a better person and call them to ask how best to accomodate them? They are traveling so I can not ask them to bring anything.

Are you certain of this? I have a gluten sensitivity that exacerbates an auto-immune disease. I won't end up in the ER, but I'll be miserable for days and have to increase my medication regimen if someone serves me gluten (which has happened). They probably won't know what happened since I'm private about my medical history.

In general, if I'm a guest and the host knows of my condition, I hope they will at least make sure I won't leave with a growling stomach (which means being able to eat more than some steamed veggies). I don't expect every dish to have a GF version, though. If you are hosting, I don't see what the issue is with asking them how you can accommodate them...especially since they are traveling and likely won't be able to get something easily when they get back to the hotel. If you don't plan to accommodate them, you should also let them know that so they can figure out an alternative. Right now you just sound judgmental and bitter than you have to host and feed these people. Don't invite them over in the future.

NP. Why are you making up fiction? There’s no reason not to take OP at her word that they don’t have medical issues or significant food allergies or what have you. And if someone chooses to be “private” about their condition, great, but then you can’t expect your hosts to magically accommodate you. OP says in her original post that last time “everything revolved around their food needs,” so not sure why you needed to bring your gluten sensitivity and suffering-in-silence dynamics into this situation, which is entirely different and has zero to do with you.

My point is that the guests may not have shared the medical reasons for their diets, but they may still exist. I don't think that it's a requirement that you share with your hosts why you have a specific diet. I have accommodated all kinds of diets as a host. I don't expect a medical history or not from someone's pastor to justify it.

I obviously let my hosts know I'm GF, but some people refuse to believe there could be non-celiac medical reasons to eat GF...so if they sneakily serve you gluten (which people definitely do) and you don't end up in the hospital right away, they may think it didn't do any harm. But it does for me.

OP doesn't sound like she cares to be a gracious host to these guests. Maybe they are really annoying. The point is that they are her guests. She knows they have dietary restrictions, so the obvious thing to do is ask them what would make the meal work for them. If it's not something OP is willing or able to do, she should let them know that. No matter why someone is on a restricted diet, nothing sucks worse than arriving somewhere that you can't eat a full meal without expecting it. Especially if you're traveling and not going back to your home with a stocked kitchen afterward.

I’ll start by saying I always accommodate known allergies/restrictions, no problem, and that I have two kids with peanut/tree nut allergies. But here’s what: you can’t hit a moving target, and you can’t hit an unclear target. If there are actual, medical restrictions, they must be clear and known. And for you to essentially call an OP a liar when she has given no indication that she is such is just a stupid projection and fantasy on your part.

Do tell how someone “sneakily” served you gluten. Anyway, if you are going to be traveling, you can still come prepared with your own food to supplement if this is such a problem, if nothing but a packet of almonds and a stick of string cheese in your purse. I am always, always prepared with supplemental things for my kids to eat just in case, even when air travel is involved. And if your restrictions are that intense and precious, simply decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think if we were just told that the family was vegan now, I could just accomodate that. I would not change the standard menu that the rest of the family look forward to but I would add 1-2 vegan dishes and a vegan dessert. This is more complicated.

That’s why I recommend that you TELL them what you are making with plenty of lead time for them to make other plans accordingly. As long as your side dishes include a salad and one or two other plain or plain-ish vegetable dishes, there’s no reason why a Noom type and an “other” type of non-medical-restriction dieter can’t make it work for one damn meal.

Restrictions and allergies are one thing. Mysterious, moving-target preferences and “just kidding now I DO eat sweet potatoes” dieters are quite another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think if we were just told that the family was vegan now, I could just accomodate that. I would not change the standard menu that the rest of the family look forward to but I would add 1-2 vegan dishes and a vegan dessert. This is more complicated.

Not of you just ask them. Tell them the menu. Offer to make one or 2 more things. Then make what they say. You are making this harder than it has to be. If they are like my mom, they will still make a big deal out of what they cannot eat. Just ignore. That is all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of peace, and given that it is just one day, I'd contact them and ask. Specifically, I'd say something like, "We're going to have the regular menu, same as always. Is there anything I can add on to make it good for you, too, as options?" And then do it.

Frankly, I'd do it really well if the asks were limited or small. If they want a lot, some of it would be store-bought, or prepared in advance to be frozen and reheated day of.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’ll start by saying I always accommodate known allergies/restrictions, no problem, and that I have two kids with peanut/tree nut allergies. But here’s what: you can’t hit a moving target, and you can’t hit an unclear target. If there are actual, medical restrictions, they must be clear and known. And for you to essentially call an OP a liar when she has given no indication that she is such is just a stupid projection and fantasy on your part.

Do tell how someone “sneakily” served you gluten. Anyway, if you are going to be traveling, you can still come prepared with your own food to supplement if this is such a problem, if nothing but a packet of almonds and a stick of string cheese in your purse. I am always, always prepared with supplemental things for my kids to eat just in case, even when air travel is involved. And if your restrictions are that intense and precious, simply decline the invitation.

You are weirdly fixated on this. Several PPs have suggested that OP ask the guests what would work for them, but somehow that seems beyond her.

And, yes, people put flour in all kinds of sauces etc...and if they don't take a food restriction seriously they might lie about it. Same with soy sauce. I've had people ask me if I'm celiac, and when I answered honestly that I wasn't make a comment to the effect of my not really having a medical restriction. So, yeah, a person like that might lie about what's in their food. And they do. I've seen people on this forum suggest lying, actually. And, of course I carry food I can eat with me wherever I go. But I don't expect to have to break out a GF bar when I'm an invited guest with known food restrictions at a Thanksgiving dinner.

Once again, OP is making this difficult by refusing to ask the guests what would work for them. She keeps coming up with hypotheticals about why some other dietary restriction would be easier to accommodate...but why not just ask these people?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why we think they are setting a moving target, if there hasn't been a clarification of a target, which then later moved.

Maybe the people in question can be specific about the meal they can eat, and stick to it. I mean, if you tell me you don't eat corn for some reason that doesn't make sense to me (eating corn causes infertility? 5G rays?), but that you do eat green beans, then I will make sure to have green beans.

I'll call it a moving target if you arrive and say you only eat ube potatoes prepared three different ways at once and hate green beans, sure. But that hasn't happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think if we were just told that the family was vegan now, I could just accomodate that. I would not change the standard menu that the rest of the family look forward to but I would add 1-2 vegan dishes and a vegan dessert. This is more complicated.

It's likely only complicated because you haven't asked them what it means for you, in practice. I'm guessing they can tell you. (?)

So I guess the general consenus is that the menu should be geared to them. I know they preapre seperate meals at home so I do not think there is much consensus but maybe the Noom person can be flexible and I will make a vegan/low carb dish.

[Anonymous]

I think the menu should be geared to the guest preferences when you are hosting a family celebration that involves food, yes. It's not the same as hanging art on your wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the menu should be geared to the guest preferences when you are hosting a family celebration that involves food, yes. It's not the same as hanging art on your wall.

I think barring restrictions or actual medical conditions, dieters need to lead to live in the real world. Turkey and a few vegetable sides and a small scoop of stuffing is NBD and it’s rude to make much of your preferences for one holiday meal.

[Anonymous]

I guess that's one definition of being a good host.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a veggie frittata would fit the bill.

[Anonymous]

Make a salad with dressing on the side, a few extra steamed veggies and this should be acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a veggie frittata would fit the bill.

Brilliant! Veggie frittata doesn't include meat, sugar, or grains (and you can easily choose veggies that don't have much natural sugar, if that is also a problem). Noom is mostly about portion control, and the web advice (e.g., https://web.noom.com/blog/thanksgiving-menu-makeover-45-recipes-to-be-thankful-for-your-health/ ) seems to include a lot of classic Thanksgiving stuff. I'm sure that salad, steamed veggies, frittata, and roasted turkey would work with that.

Done and done. PP, you are a genius.

[Anonymous]

Meat/sugar/grains guy can just suck it and eat the mashed potatoes and sprouts, carrots and green beans on Thanksgiving. The Noom person can portion control with what’s there. And this is coming from someone who has to avoid wheat. I shut up and figure something out and on Thanksgiving, I accept the upset stomach and…side effects.