Accomodating special diets on Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

My mom was a vague, move-the-goalpoasts dieter like this for a long time. What was especially frustrating is that I would go to all the trouble of making special food for her, only then she wouldn’t eat it and would choose to indulge “for the day.” So the mashed cauliflower and squash soup and other things made specially for her went untouched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’ll start by saying I always accommodate known allergies/restrictions, no problem, and that I have two kids with peanut/tree nut allergies. But here’s what: you can’t hit a moving target, and you can’t hit an unclear target. If there are actual, medical restrictions, they must be clear and known. And for you to essentially call an OP a liar when she has given no indication that she is such is just a stupid projection and fantasy on your part.

Do tell how someone “sneakily” served you gluten. Anyway, if you are going to be traveling, you can still come prepared with your own food to supplement if this is such a problem, if nothing but a packet of almonds and a stick of string cheese in your purse. I am always, always prepared with supplemental things for my kids to eat just in case, even when air travel is involved. And if your restrictions are that intense and precious, simply decline the invitation.

You are weirdly fixated on this. Several PPs have suggested that OP ask the guests what would work for them, but somehow that seems beyond her.

And, yes, people put flour in all kinds of sauces etc...and if they don't take a food restriction seriously they might lie about it. Same with soy sauce. I've had people ask me if I'm celiac, and when I answered honestly that I wasn't make a comment to the effect of my not really having a medical restriction. So, yeah, a person like that might lie about what's in their food. And they do. I've seen people on this forum suggest lying, actually. And, of course I carry food I can eat with me wherever I go. But I don't expect to have to break out a GF bar when I'm an invited guest with known food restrictions at a Thanksgiving dinner.

Once again, OP is making this difficult by refusing to ask the guests what would work for them. She keeps coming up with hypotheticals about why some other dietary restriction would be easier to accommodate...but why not just ask these people?

This isn’t a restaurant. Guest preferences (we’re not talking allergies or restrictions, we’re talking *prererences*) do not dictate a menu that by default already includes a lean protein, vegetables, and varied sides.

They can be informed of the menu so they can plan accordingly. But they should not be asked, because random diets should not dictate a meal for multiple guests and the effort and time of a host on a holiday.

[Anonymous]

It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

[Anonymous]

Be thankful you don’t have food sensitivities/ allergies. It’s really difficult when people insist they want too cook for you, but won’t take input. I’d rather bring food than risk it, and so often a host is offended by that. It’s difficult all around.

My suggestion? Ask them for a few recipes to pick from. It’s meeting them partway and they need to be specific, bit vague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful you don’t have food sensitivities/ allergies. It’s really difficult when people insist they want too cook for you, but won’t take input. I’d rather bring food than risk it, and so often a host is offended by that. It’s difficult all around.

My suggestion? Ask them for a few recipes to pick from. It’s meeting them partway and they need to be specific, bit vague.

Specific not vague. Typo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

Do you mean like…turkey? And some green beans? And some salad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

Do you mean like…turkey? And some green beans? And some salad?

Yeesh! How hard is it to pick up the phone and simply ask to confirm?! It would have taken less time than reading this entire thread. Seriously, OP, tell these guests not to come, since you clearly have no interest in hosting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

Do you mean like…turkey? And some green beans? And some salad?

Yeesh! How hard is it to pick up the phone and simply ask to confirm?! It would have taken less time than reading this entire thread. Seriously, OP, tell these guests not to come, since you clearly have no interest in hosting them.

You missed the issue. The guests know the menu because it is the same every year. Does it change because Frank wants/needs Noom friendly and Doris is a low carb vegetarian now? The other 20 guests are happy to keep the traditional menu. Obviously it is no one's typical diet. Once the call is made, the hostess needs to start planning a Lentil loaf or roasted cauliflower chili in additional to all the usual fare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

Do you mean like…turkey? And some green beans? And some salad?

Yeesh! How hard is it to pick up the phone and simply ask to confirm?! It would have taken less time than reading this entire thread. Seriously, OP, tell these guests not to come, since you clearly have no interest in hosting them.

You missed the issue. The guests know the menu because it is the same every year. Does it change because Frank wants/needs Noom friendly and Doris is a low carb vegetarian now? The other 20 guests are happy to keep the traditional menu. Obviously it is no one's typical diet. Once the call is made, the hostess needs to start planning a Lentil loaf or roasted cauliflower chili in additional to all the usual fare.

She doesn't need to change the menu, and it's not clear that it's the same menu every year. Most Thanksgiving menus change slightly. A gracious host who knew that her guests had dietary concerns would ask if there was anything she could do to accommodate. If the answer is something complicated vs. leaving one ingredient out of a dish or putting the dressing on the side instead of pre-dressing the salad, the OP can decide how out of her way she wants to go. But right now, she hasn't even asked...because she's invited guests over that she's decided are PITA that she doesn't care to accommodate. It's fine not to want to accommodate people, but it's rude to invite them to your home and not even try. The OP didn't even say what the restrictions were, just that she judged them. Later she indicated some knowledge of the restrictions, but not enough to be sure that steamed veggies etc would be a sufficient accommodation.

OP is being rude, and she's hoping that she can turn it into her guests being rude because they have a diet she doesn't respect. It's a rude thing to do as a host, and OP sort of knows it or she wouldn't have asked. She was hoping that DCUM would absolve her of her rudeness, and unsurprisingly some of you are more than willing.

OP, no worries. Just let your guests know there's a Burger King and gas station down the road...and of course a bowl of fruit they can eat outside on the front stoop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

Do you mean like…turkey? And some green beans? And some salad?

Yeesh! How hard is it to pick up the phone and simply ask to confirm?! It would have taken less time than reading this entire thread. Seriously, OP, tell these guests not to come, since you clearly have no interest in hosting them.

You missed the issue. The guests know the menu because it is the same every year. Does it change because Frank wants/needs Noom friendly and Doris is a low carb vegetarian now? The other 20 guests are happy to keep the traditional menu. Obviously it is no one's typical diet. Once the call is made, the hostess needs to start planning a Lentil loaf or roasted cauliflower chili in additional to all the usual fare.

+100. Some of you don’t get that the menu is known because it’s…what this hosts prepares and serves every year. So if you have a special need or request, you should be the one to pick up the phone, and not the other way around. Or you should bring some healthy snacks to share (or just to have in your purse). The burden of extra effort is on YOU if it’s just preference-based, and not an actual restriction or allergy.

If you are a dieter who can’t serve yourself some turkey, a roasted vegetable, some salad and one small indulgence like a sliver of pie or a bit of dressing, then no one is going to be able to help you navigate the real world.

[Anonymous]

I guess that's one definition of a good host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be gracious to make a dish with some protein that the meat/grain/sugar guy can eat, but he’s not going to starve on the normal Thanksgiving sides that meet his criteria. The noom person can portion control. If this were my family, I’d say “hey I’m making the normal stuff, is there something else we should add to the menu?”

Do you mean like…turkey? And some green beans? And some salad?

Yeesh! How hard is it to pick up the phone and simply ask to confirm?! It would have taken less time than reading this entire thread. Seriously, OP, tell these guests not to come, since you clearly have no interest in hosting them.

You missed the issue. The guests know the menu because it is the same every year. Does it change because Frank wants/needs Noom friendly and Doris is a low carb vegetarian now? The other 20 guests are happy to keep the traditional menu. Obviously it is no one's typical diet. Once the call is made, the hostess needs to start planning a Lentil loaf or roasted cauliflower chili in additional to all the usual fare.

She doesn't need to change the menu, and it's not clear that it's the same menu every year. Most Thanksgiving menus change slightly. A gracious host who knew that her guests had dietary concerns would ask if there was anything she could do to accommodate. If the answer is something complicated vs. leaving one ingredient out of a dish or putting the dressing on the side instead of pre-dressing the salad, the OP can decide how out of her way she wants to go. But right now, she hasn't even asked...because she's invited guests over that she's decided are PITA that she doesn't care to accommodate. It's fine not to want to accommodate people, but it's rude to invite them to your home and not even try. The OP didn't even say what the restrictions were, just that she judged them. Later she indicated some knowledge of the restrictions, but not enough to be sure that steamed veggies etc would be a sufficient accommodation.

OP is being rude, and she's hoping that she can turn it into her guests being rude because they have a diet she doesn't respect. It's a rude thing to do as a host, and OP sort of knows it or she wouldn't have asked. She was hoping that DCUM would absolve her of her rudeness, and unsurprisingly some of you are more than willing.

OP, no worries. Just let your guests know there's a Burger King and gas station down the road...and of course a bowl of fruit they can eat outside on the front stoop.

Go back and read. It is clear that it’s the same menu every year.

Dietary restrictions and allergies should be accommodated. Dieters should do what they allegedly do in every other life situation: plan ahead and make it work. Don’t you think these two guests go on vacation, or out to dinner, or on a cruise? With a large meal like Thanksgiving that centers on a lean protein and includes many side dishes, you see what’s available and you make your plate. Turkey, fine. Green vegetable, fine. Salad, fine. A little treat like a bit of mashed potatoes, maybe some cranberry sauce (which actually has good vitamins in it)? Fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a vague, move-the-goalpoasts dieter like this for a long time. What was especially frustrating is that I would go to all the trouble of making special food for her, only then she wouldn’t eat it and would choose to indulge “for the day.” So the mashed cauliflower and squash soup and other things made specially for her went untouched.

OMG, isn't that always the way!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’ll start by saying I always accommodate known allergies/restrictions, no problem, and that I have two kids with peanut/tree nut allergies. But here’s what: you can’t hit a moving target, and you can’t hit an unclear target. If there are actual, medical restrictions, they must be clear and known. And for you to essentially call an OP a liar when she has given no indication that she is such is just a stupid projection and fantasy on your part.

Do tell how someone “sneakily” served you gluten. Anyway, if you are going to be traveling, you can still come prepared with your own food to supplement if this is such a problem, if nothing but a packet of almonds and a stick of string cheese in your purse. I am always, always prepared with supplemental things for my kids to eat just in case, even when air travel is involved. And if your restrictions are that intense and precious, simply decline the invitation.

You are weirdly fixated on this. Several PPs have suggested that OP ask the guests what would work for them, but somehow that seems beyond her.

And, yes, people put flour in all kinds of sauces etc...and if they don't take a food restriction seriously they might lie about it. Same with soy sauce. I've had people ask me if I'm celiac, and when I answered honestly that I wasn't make a comment to the effect of my not really having a medical restriction. So, yeah, a person like that might lie about what's in their food. And they do. I've seen people on this forum suggest lying, actually. And, of course I carry food I can eat with me wherever I go. But I don't expect to have to break out a GF bar when I'm an invited guest with known food restrictions at a Thanksgiving dinner.

Once again, OP is making this difficult by refusing to ask the guests what would work for them. She keeps coming up with hypotheticals about why some other dietary restriction would be easier to accommodate...but why not just ask these people?

Flour is a thickening agent, so if I had an issue with gluten, I would not do any gravy.
But Thanksgiving typically has turkey, and guests get to choose whether they put gravy on it.
Harder with other items. I do a sweet potato casserole, and a small amount of flour is mixed with the brown sugar and pecan crumb topping.
The official recipe for green bean casserole has soy. Sometimes I add or, sometimes I don’t.
Mashed potatoes typically only have butter and milk, salt and pepper added.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You missed the issue. The guests know the menu because it is the same every year. Does it change because Frank wants/needs Noom friendly and Doris is a low carb vegetarian now? The other 20 guests are happy to keep the traditional menu. Obviously it is no one's typical diet. Once the call is made, the hostess needs to start planning a Lentil loaf or roasted cauliflower chili in additional to all the usual fare.

She doesn't need to change the menu, and it's not clear that it's the same menu every year. Most Thanksgiving menus change slightly. A gracious host who knew that her guests had dietary concerns would ask if there was anything she could do to accommodate. If the answer is something complicated vs. leaving one ingredient out of a dish or putting the dressing on the side instead of pre-dressing the salad, the OP can decide how out of her way she wants to go. But right now, she hasn't even asked...because she's invited guests over that she's decided are PITA that she doesn't care to accommodate. It's fine not to want to accommodate people, but it's rude to invite them to your home and not even try. The OP didn't even say what the restrictions were, just that she judged them. Later she indicated some knowledge of the restrictions, but not enough to be sure that steamed veggies etc would be a sufficient accommodation.

OP is being rude, and she's hoping that she can turn it into her guests being rude because they have a diet she doesn't respect. It's a rude thing to do as a host, and OP sort of knows it or she wouldn't have asked. She was hoping that DCUM would absolve her of her rudeness, and unsurprisingly some of you are more than willing.

OP, no worries. Just let your guests know there's a Burger King and gas station down the road...and of course a bowl of fruit they can eat outside on the front stoop.

Go back and read. It is clear that it’s the same menu every year.

Dietary restrictions and allergies should be accommodated. Dieters should do what they allegedly do in every other life situation: plan ahead and make it work. Don’t you think these two guests go on vacation, or out to dinner, or on a cruise? With a large meal like Thanksgiving that centers on a lean protein and includes many side dishes, you see what’s available and you make your plate. Turkey, fine. Green vegetable, fine. Salad, fine. A little treat like a bit of mashed potatoes, maybe some cranberry sauce (which actually has good vitamins in it)? Fine.

Agree. But if my typical menu had food smothered in some sort of gravy or sauce, I would add a simple steamed vegetable.