I think I am the victim of Verbal abuse, what to do next?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.

Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there.

You shouldn't be surprised there's a lot of dysfunctional posters on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.

Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there.

If you’re not married then honestly you’ve got no room to talk.
I’ve been married 16 years and sometimes we tell and curse at each other. We have a very strong relationship and always work it out. Not every relationship will look the same.

I was raised in an extremely abusive household. Mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. I have been married for 14 years and my husband and I NEVER call each other names. We just don’t do it. We do fight, but really work to make sure there are no insults or cursing. If you do, you have crossed a line and I would not be okay with this. I understand every relationship is different, but I also worked very very hard as a single person to learn how to express my feelings before I started seriously dating because of my history. I don’t think insults and belittling are okay in a marriage. I do know that if you belittle and name call your chances of divorce are much higher than people who can talk it out. Best of luck to you, but I think there is a level of dysfunction you are comfortable with if you insult regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can just say to him “it’s been on my mind, you calling me a b—-, it really hurt my feelings.”

I think this is a start. since you are not willing to leave him. You have to start drawing some boundaries. This book is part of a series but you might find it helpful https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Marriage-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310243149/ref=pd_bxgy_2/132-2247517-9942406?pd_rd_w=SncuX&pf_rd_p=c64372fa-c41c-422e-990d-9e034f73989b&pf_rd_r=AEQMZG72VAC6RA91WBZF&pd_rd_r=3d4889f9-4bcc-487d-b5b6-7b057c7a5a0b&pd_rd_wg=RUvha&pd_rd_i=0310243149&psc=1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.

Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there.

If you’re not married then honestly you’ve got no room to talk.
I’ve been married 16 years and sometimes we tell and curse at each other. We have a very strong relationship and always work it out. Not every relationship will look the same.

+ 1
I have been with my DH for 35 years. He is my rock and we have a strong marriage. Do we have fights? Absolutely. We both have a temper. We both will get grumpy. We both can say things in anger to each other but we don't carry a grudge after the fight is over. We find that if we keep cleaning the air on a regular basis, we do not have any built up resentment. We are very secure with each other and we will tell each other what we don't like - sometimes without any filter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.

Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there.

If you’re not married then honestly you’ve got no room to talk.
I’ve been married 16 years and sometimes we tell and curse at each other. We have a very strong relationship and always work it out. Not every relationship will look the same.

+ 1
I have been with my DH for 35 years. He is my rock and we have a strong marriage. Do we have fights? Absolutely. We both have a temper. We both will get grumpy. We both can say things in anger to each other but we don't carry a grudge after the fight is over. We find that if we keep cleaning the air on a regular basis, we do not have any built up resentment. We are very secure with each other and we will tell each other what we don't like - sometimes without any filter.

-1 fighting is one thing. Calling each other names and curing at each other is not fighting, it's toxic. Stop normalizing toxicity and abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.

Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there.

You shouldn't be surprised there's a lot of dysfunctional posters on DCUM.

If you’re not married then you don’t understand that you lose your leverage when you do marry. “I won’t put up with that” doesn’t get you very far when the person you’re married to says, “watch me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.

Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there.

You shouldn't be surprised there's a lot of dysfunctional posters on DCUM.

If you’re not married then you don’t understand that you lose your leverage when you do marry. “I won’t put up with that” doesn’t get you very far when the person you’re married to says, “watch me.”

You don't have to stay married to an abuser or tolerate an abusive dynamic that's a choice.

[Anonymous]

Married 22 years. Never has my dh called me a b. Or verbally abused me. He’s never said F you. I think it’s a big deal.

[Anonymous]

My parents have been married for 55 years. I heard them argue a lot when I was a kid, but I never heard either of them so much as raise their voice toward the other.
I can't believe the way couples talk to each other out in public. I don't think I'd even go on a second date with someone I hated so much that I'd speak to them that way.

If that's what marriage is these days, I'll pass.