I think I am the victim of Verbal abuse, what to do next?
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Anonymous
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I just realized that I was a victim of verbal abuse by my husband a couple weeks ago.
We had a silly fight that I don’t even remember what it was about. At the end he told me “you are a fxxking b$tch” and he claimed that the kids prefer him, which not correct. He just wanted to hurt me and he was successful. This was the first time he called me names like this. A few years ago when we had fights he would say “F$$k you”. I told him I will not tolerate that and he stopped. So here we go again and I don’t want it to become a pattern. We are back to being civil with each other but this has been bugging me. I have been wondering if I should address it with him and name it and tell him I won tolerate it or should I wait if it happens again and said it then. It is yesterday while watching a moving that I realized this was verbal abusive. I am sure if I tell him that it will be another fight, but I would rather cut now. Don’t ask me to run or divorce him, constructive advices only. TIA |
Anonymous
| You may be overthinking it. Both I and dh have said much much worse to each other. This is what happens when anger and hurt runs so deep for so long...not saying it makes it right, but I think when one spouse starts labeling the other, it only escalates the situation. You should absolutely say how hurtful it is and draw some lines on what is not acceptable but I personally don't think it's helpful to start saying things like "you're abusive." |
Anonymous
| Did you call him names back? What does he have to tolerate? |
Anonymous
| You can just say to him “it’s been on my mind, you calling me a b—-, it really hurt my feelings.” |
Anonymous
| I hear things like this every day from my husband. He didn't use to do that, but it has escalated over the last ten or so years. I hope this is just an isolated incident for you. It started slowly for me as well, but continues to grow and grow. I am close to leaving, but it is scary to be alone this late in life. |
Anonymous
| Well you’ve proven that you will tolerate it since he did say it and you did nothing back, and you won’t divorce him. |
Anonymous
| Rarely is a big marital fight a one-sided thing. Both parties usually contribute to it and escalate it. Before you label yourself the victim, ask your husband why he says what he says. You may get some insight as to why it's happening. |
Anonymous
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It’s so severe and trauma inducing that you just now figured it out while ruminating on the past?
Get real. Grow up. People say stuff. Stop jockeying for position in a long over argument, living in the past and looking for ways to manipulate your husband. |
Anonymous
| Can you take the kids to a hotel for a few days? |
Anonymous
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Whatever else you do, be sure to make being a victim your entire identity.
I'm sure it will serve you well down the road. |
Anonymous
| One f*ck you would have been enough for me. IMO, you've let it go on far too long. Clearly you are not equipped to handle that level of abuse. You need reinforcements. Seek couples counseling or get a Louisville slugger. |
Anonymous
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Whew! ….All the women in this thread saying it’s NBD.
Admittedly, I’m not married, but I wouldn’t put up with this, OP. I think you should tell him you don’t like that he calls you those names. Take it from there. |
Anonymous
If you’re not married then honestly you’ve got no room to talk. I’ve been married 16 years and sometimes we tell and curse at each other. We have a very strong relationship and always work it out. Not every relationship will look the same. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Well, I'm not married and calling each other names and cursing at each other is not healthy or a mark of a strong relationship. I don't care how long you have been married. |