Grieving friend with unrealistic expectations mad at me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that you're sooo busy that you can't possibly help her, yet here you are wasting time on DCUM complaining about her.

Some "friend" you are.

OP here - 90 seconds to make a post doesn't compare to committing several hours for me to make a 10 minute montage with music and intro/outro which is what she wanted. I'm competent enough to make something, but not skilled enough to crank it out in 15 minutes.

It's not like I've said "no" to the dozen other help requests immediately before/after her mom's death. I'm human too and I'm hurt.

God you are pitiful.

Ignore this pp.

OP, it is an unfair ask. She probably does not realize how many hours it would take to do a decent job. But her reaction to your saying no was also childish.

When my mom passed away I asked a close friend to come and keep me company while I sorted out her stuff. She came a couple of times and I was always cognizant of the demand on her time and potential impact on her family's schedule. Grief does not give us blank excuses for acting unkindly toward our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny that you're sooo busy that you can't possibly help her, yet here you are wasting time on DCUM complaining about her.

Some "friend" you are.

OP here - 90 seconds to make a post doesn't compare to committing several hours for me to make a 10 minute montage with music and intro/outro which is what she wanted. I'm competent enough to make something, but not skilled enough to crank it out in 15 minutes.

It's not like I've said "no" to the dozen other help requests immediately before/after her mom's death. I'm human too and I'm hurt.

God you are pitiful.

Ignore this pp.

OP, it is an unfair ask. She probably does not realize how many hours it would take to do a decent job. But her reaction to your saying no was also childish.

When my mom passed away I asked a close friend to come and keep me company while I sorted out her stuff. She came a couple of times and I was always cognizant of the demand on her time and potential impact on her family's schedule. Grief does not give us blank excuses for acting unkindly toward our friends.

I agree, ignore the hateful pp

[Anonymous]

Just tell her that there just isn’t enough time available to do justice for her mother’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d reconsider the friendship if my friend acted this way. Many of my friends have lost a parent and they did not make demands on me other than asking me to be at the funeral/memorial.

I think it’s harsh to drop the friend over this. Give it time. It’s okay to say no to this request, attend the memorial and see how she is. If she’s still acting like this after 6 months have passed, I would reevaluate but even then it would be to pull back, not necessarily end the friendship.

[Anonymous]

OP put your professionalism aside. Do 5-7 photos on PowerPoint and set to 8-10 minutes each. Voila 45 minutes. Works perfectly on zoom also. The quick easy way. But depending on the friend she may ask for more. Remember Marie Kondo: when it comes to pictures less is more.

[Anonymous]

A service will do it but it’s $1000. I’m sorry you are in this position. I don’t think even a service will do it by Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP put your professionalism aside. Do 5-7 photos on PowerPoint and set to 8-10 minutes each. Voila 45 minutes. Works perfectly on zoom also. The quick easy way. But depending on the friend she may ask for more. Remember Marie Kondo: when it comes to pictures less is more.

8-10 minutes per photo? Much too long for a montage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d reconsider the friendship if my friend acted this way. Many of my friends have lost a parent and they did not make demands on me other than asking me to be at the funeral/memorial.

I think it’s harsh to drop the friend over this. Give it time. It’s okay to say no to this request, attend the memorial and see how she is. If she’s still acting like this after 6 months have passed, I would reevaluate but even then it would be to pull back, not necessarily end the friendship.

Has your friend been there similarly for you, OP? Or is this a heavily one-sided friendship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny that you're sooo busy that you can't possibly help her, yet here you are wasting time on DCUM complaining about her.

Some "friend" you are.

This is complete nonsense, and so silly that it has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

In this situation, I would do what I can, turn it back to her, and say, "I'm sorry I couldn't devote more time to this, but I've got some prior commitments."

If you even devoted an hour to this, that would have been a kindness and an act of support and good faith. Instead, you posted to DCUM and will no doubt be eating up every reply. You can't say that won't take up an hour of your day.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend dumped me because we didn't run over there when she was having a bad night. It was late and I had to get up for work, and frankly we had already done a lot.

I even tried to convince her to keep her home because it was going to go way up. She sold it for peanuts. Today it's worth 6 times that, and she would have been set for her retirement. Glad she is out of my life though. Sometimes you can't help people who won't help themselves. Yes let it go, and be happy OP!

[Anonymous]

Hire it out on Fiverr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny that you're sooo busy that you can't possibly help her, yet here you are wasting time on DCUM complaining about her.

Some "friend" you are.

Some A-hole you are.

A-hole, tell us an example how many unreasonable hoops you jumped through for your friends in their times of need.

[Anonymous]

People have no idea how much time these things take. Though honestly I would probably try to pull something off, even if it wasn’t up to my usual standards, or find someone else who could help. Even just a rotating series of photos with music might do for what she wants. Is she using a funeral home? This was a few years ago, but ours was able to upload pictures and they had a preset template they put it into with backgrounds and music and that came out lovely. Maybe the funeral home she’s with could do something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny that you're sooo busy that you can't possibly help her, yet here you are wasting time on DCUM complaining about her.

Some "friend" you are.

Leave her alone. It takes 5 seconds to post on DCUM.

She's trying to figure out how to deal with unrealistic expectation from friend. If you have nothing to contribute, move along.