Grieving friend with unrealistic expectations mad at me
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Anonymous
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Friend lost mother to cancer a little over a month ago. Yesterday, she asked me to prepare a photo/movie montage for a memorial this Saturday (I have done things like this before, but with much more notice). I cannot put something like this together in 3 days especially with work, a volunteer commitment, and general life/home stuff (I do not WAH). She is upset and frustrated that I can't put it together in these next few days, and has since stopped responding to my texts (unusual in general for her).
I get that she's grieving, but I also helped her and her family a lot in the days immediately before and following her mom's death. I feel hurt about the unrealistic expectations expected from me, and lack of appreciation for the hours and money I've already spent helping her out. I've long lost my parents so I understand what that's like, but I never had expectations of others and so this disappointment feels very unfair from a woman/friend who is late 40-something. How do you deal with a grieving friend who is not behaving so kindly? |
Anonymous
| Just let it go for now. Chalk it up grief. |
Anonymous
| Agreed: let it go for now. Do what can and are comfortable with, but her request is unreasonable. And please don't feel bad about saying no. And maybe this is something you can do for her in the future....but that's your call. |
Anonymous
| Agreed: let it go for now. Do what can and are comfortable with, but her request is unreasonable. And please don't feel bad about saying no. And maybe this is something you can do for her in the future....but that's your call. |
Anonymous
| So basically she is testing to see who is "there for her" now that her mom has gone and experiencing the sad reality that your mother cannot be replaced and no one is there for you like you mom, not even your good friends. That's okay, just be sensitive to her grief going forward. |
Anonymous
| Tough situation. Either do nothing or put together 10 pictures. They can be spaced apart. BTW I did that for my Covid death DH and it was pure hell. We uploaded on PowerPoint full screen. But you may have problems with limiting it to 10. From your friend. |
Anonymous
| I mean limiting it might be opening the door to more from your friend. |
Anonymous
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Funny that you're sooo busy that you can't possibly help her, yet here you are wasting time on DCUM complaining about her.
Some "friend" you are. |
Anonymous
| Agree with the others just do what you can and let the rest go. |
Anonymous
| No way movie/ video. Too complicated and takes up too much space on cloud server etc. |
Anonymous
| If you did 10 you did “something “ |
Anonymous
OP here - 90 seconds to make a post doesn't compare to committing several hours for me to make a 10 minute montage with music and intro/outro which is what she wanted. I'm competent enough to make something, but not skilled enough to crank it out in 15 minutes. It's not like I've said "no" to the dozen other help requests immediately before/after her mom's death. I'm human too and I'm hurt. |
Anonymous
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Grief is unrealistic.
In our friend group, there is a woman who decided she wants to be a foster mom in the wake of her mom’s death. I know she is going to be rejected during the process, but I don’t tell her that. |
Anonymous
| I’d reconsider the friendship if my friend acted this way. Many of my friends have lost a parent and they did not make demands on me other than asking me to be at the funeral/memorial. |
Anonymous
You're spending a lot more than 90 seconds dwelling on this. |