How long to do you go not knowing your hs senior's whereabouts?

[Anonymous]

Tracking is really helicoptering. Parents claim this is a safety measure. Sorry, I am not buying it. This is not parenting. Why can’t your kid simply tell you their plans?

[Anonymous]

Not until 18. Because I’m legally responsible for 17 and unders. My eldest stayed out all night on 18th birthday. It was a planned thing and I slept like a baby.

[Anonymous]

It's a courtesy thing, not a control thing in our household among all members. "Hey, I'm doing XX, will be back around YY."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a courtesy thing, not a control thing in our household among all members. "Hey, I'm doing XX, will be back around YY."

This. And with increasing independence comes increased responsibility. Rational adults just let other household members know where they are going and approximately when they will be back. Same for teens who want to think of themselves as adults. If there is some deviation, no big deal. I might say I'm running errands but run into a friend and have lunch somewhere else instead. I don't need to know that level with my kid. If he goes over Joe's house but they end up going to a high school football game instead, no biggie. Or whatever. But if he says he will be home by dinner and he's not home by 10 or 11, without texting about a change of plans, then there is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tracking is really helicoptering. Parents claim this is a safety measure. Sorry, I am not buying it. This is not parenting. Why can’t your kid simply tell you their plans?

+1 It's probabaly the worst thing to happen to parenting in our generation. If we suggested you microchip your teenager, that would sound crazy, yet tracking their every move through their phones is okay? It's not. I never did it with my son. He is now a happy college freshman--made it through high school despite me not tracking him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family living under the same roof, as a courtesy you let people know what you’re doing and when you plan to be home. I do this with my spouse. Why wouldn’t I with my child?

I’m not talking every minute blow by blow. But…Sam and I are going over to Tom’s house to shoot hoops and then grab dinner. I’ll be home by 10.

Same here. We all notify each other because that’s the polite thing to do. My oldest is 22 and he still lets us know if he’ll be home for dinner and generally what he’s doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, where are they going in the pandemic? It is usually school, home, fast food place to pick up lunch, meeting BF/GF and shooting hoops with some friends. We all have location sharing so all of us know where we all are at any given moment.

We all are living in the same house. I can imagine if the children are living in split household that parents won't know where they are.

Right now...they are just working on college apps and school. Life is pretty grim right now. So, yes, next room, lights on, finger flying on the keyboard.

Pssst…kids this age are vaccinated and back to pretty much regular life.

Most are actually into college applications, school work and ECs right now. Truly. The responsible kids are doing responsible things.

I guess regular means different things to different kids.

[Anonymous]

Zero minutes. I drum into my kids when they’re young that I need to know where they are all the time. They know where their parents are all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, where are they going in the pandemic? It is usually school, home, fast food place to pick up lunch, meeting BF/GF and shooting hoops with some friends. We all have location sharing so all of us know where we all are at any given moment.

We all are living in the same house. I can imagine if the children are living in split household that parents won't know where they are.

Right now...they are just working on college apps and school. Life is pretty grim right now. So, yes, next room, lights on, finger flying on the keyboard.

Pssst…kids this age are vaccinated and back to pretty much regular life.

Most are actually into college applications, school work and ECs right now. Truly. The responsible kids are doing responsible things.

I guess regular means different things to different kids.

Who are all these kids going to homecoming?

[Anonymous]

I always know where my kid is (or where he says he is, at least—and so far I have no reason to distrust him).

Like pp said, it’s not tracking, it’s him telling me his evening plans, and what time he will be home. “Hey mom, is it cool if John and I head to chipotle and then go to Erik’s house to watch a movie? I’ll be home by 11.” He is driving my car, using the phone I pay for, and living under my roof—it is 1000% reasonable that I know what he is up to.

It’s also training him to be a decent spouse one day—you let the people who love you know what you’re up to so they don’t have to worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family living under the same roof, as a courtesy you let people know what you’re doing and when you plan to be home. I do this with my spouse. Why wouldn’t I with my child?

I’m not talking every minute blow by blow. But…Sam and I are going over to Tom’s house to shoot hoops and then grab dinner. I’ll be home by 10.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, where are they going in the pandemic? It is usually school, home, fast food place to pick up lunch, meeting BF/GF and shooting hoops with some friends. We all have location sharing so all of us know where we all are at any given moment.

We all are living in the same house. I can imagine if the children are living in split household that parents won't know where they are.

Right now...they are just working on college apps and school. Life is pretty grim right now. So, yes, next room, lights on, finger flying on the keyboard.

Pssst…kids this age are vaccinated and back to pretty much regular life.

Just the ones with irresponsible parents.

I had to check the dates after reading these to see if someone bumped an older post. It’s 2021, not a year ago. It’s back to normal but a responsible normal. We don’t know anyone still isolating.

I never used Life360. It seemed a little much for all of us. So generally, I want to know where they will be and we agree on a time to be home. I expect to be contacted if plans change. Where does it end? I don’t want to track them when they are away in college.

[Anonymous]

I expect my kids to be able to function as adults by the time they are 17. They'll be adults in a year, so they should be able to hit the ground running. They would be highly offended if I tracked them. I raised them to be competent adults, and adults do not need to be micromanaged. My youngest of six is 16 now, and I pull way back at 16. I do not understand parents who do not let their kids be in charge of their own lives. You are handicapping them. My kids do not need me, which is as it should be. I have my life, they have theirs. They know how to get in touch with me if there is an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I expect my kids to be able to function as adults by the time they are 17. They'll be adults in a year, so they should be able to hit the ground running. They would be highly offended if I tracked them. I raised them to be competent adults, and adults do not need to be micromanaged. My youngest of six is 16 now, and I pull way back at 16. I do not understand parents who do not let their kids be in charge of their own lives. You are handicapping them. My kids do not need me, which is as it should be. I have my life, they have theirs. They know how to get in touch with me if there is an emergency.

How are they not in charge of their lives in the scenario where they are simply expected to let you know their general plans and when they’ll be back?

I think you’re teaching your kid to lack basic courtesy.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

He tells me when he is leaving and where he is going.

Often when he is out plans change (they go to eat or someone's house or something.) I don't expect him to tell me every change of plans. I check in with him about when he is expecting to be home or if he is staying out or he tells me.

He is almost 18 and I don't want to be asking every few hours where he is.

This really is not the same thing as a partner, IMO.