Looking for words to make me feel better

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. Whenever I start to think about the things my kids lost and won't get back because of the pandemic, I get very sad. And some of it is very frivolous, so it feels silly to talk to others about them, but they still make me sad.

-- My second grader losing out on a year of social connections last year. I feel like all the families in his grade are strangers, whereas I know a lot of families in my older kids year.
-- My 6th grader basically transitioned from kid to teen during the pandemic. She went from kid who was on no screens (and just played in person with friends) before to kid who is on a lot because she had no other way to connect with her friends. I felt like we lost a year of childhood. Now that they are in the routine of connecting via chat, it's hard to get them to connect other ways.
-- My 6th grader losing out on performance opportunities in the Nutcracker, which she really wanted to do. She's basically too tall now. This is something's that's really frivolous, yet it still makes me sad.

It's ok to mourn what we lost and what we won't get back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. Whenever I start to think about the things my kids lost and won't get back because of the pandemic, I get very sad. And some of it is very frivolous, so it feels silly to talk to others about them, but they still make me sad.

-- My second grader losing out on a year of social connections last year. I feel like all the families in his grade are strangers, whereas I know a lot of families in my older kids year.
-- My 6th grader basically transitioned from kid to teen during the pandemic. She went from kid who was on no screens (and just played in person with friends) before to kid who is on a lot because she had no other way to connect with her friends. I felt like we lost a year of childhood. Now that they are in the routine of connecting via chat, it's hard to get them to connect other ways.
-- My 6th grader losing out on performance opportunities in the Nutcracker, which she really wanted to do. She's basically too tall now. This is something's that's really frivolous, yet it still makes me sad.

It's ok to mourn what we lost and what we won't get back. [/

Yes, PP. All this. Its been a tough pill to swallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi- I am under the care of a therapist and starting despression/anxiety medication this week. My ds started first grade and Ive been terribly upset over how he lost a year of his childhood. I see the kindergarteners now living a normal life (despite masks), playing at recess, allowed to play in the classroom together, having fun learning, making friends, etc. My ds did not have any of that last year obviously because of covid. He didnt have this positivr, consistent introduction to school and essentially lost out on the last year (plus end of prek) of childhood before academics take over. Everytime I think about it or notice, my stomach drops. I know there are way worse issues- kids with cancer, people who have lost a loved one, etc. I am fully aware. I am just struggling with this. I have two kids and their early childhood experiences for them have been very different. He is my youngest and knowing that he basically just went from a cut off prek year to first grade makes me upset. My older son is in 3rd grade and I have not had this reaction at all because he had already had that early childhood experience before Covid hit and his foundation was already there. They are only kids once so Im having trouble with this for my younger one. Is there any way for me to feel better about this??

Yes. Grow up! We had a pandemic. Would you rather he be dead? Idiots like you make me livid!

[Anonymous]

Teachers will be especially empathetic and creative. Kids will have more outdoor play, projects vs sit in seat work. Plus, all that togetherness with you and older sibling will have lasting positive effects. School is a long slog. That extra year may wind up being a gift you don't fully realize at the moment. Think of the many things you taught him, and spending time outdoors together. Make a treasure box (boys love these) of things that made his K year special (his favorite mask, drawings, rocks found on walks, graded schoolwork with stickers, family pics...anything really). He was your pandemic baby. Most of all, big hugs and kisses when you see him after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi- I am under the care of a therapist and starting despression/anxiety medication this week. My ds started first grade and Ive been terribly upset over how he lost a year of his childhood. I see the kindergarteners now living a normal life (despite masks), playing at recess, allowed to play in the classroom together, having fun learning, making friends, etc. My ds did not have any of that last year obviously because of covid. He didnt have this positivr, consistent introduction to school and essentially lost out on the last year (plus end of prek) of childhood before academics take over. Everytime I think about it or notice, my stomach drops. I know there are way worse issues- kids with cancer, people who have lost a loved one, etc. I am fully aware. I am just struggling with this. I have two kids and their early childhood experiences for them have been very different. He is my youngest and knowing that he basically just went from a cut off prek year to first grade makes me upset. My older son is in 3rd grade and I have not had this reaction at all because he had already had that early childhood experience before Covid hit and his foundation was already there. They are only kids once so Im having trouble with this for my younger one. Is there any way for me to feel better about this??

Yes. Grow up! We had a pandemic. Would you rather he be dead? Idiots like you make me livid!

My friends kids in other states went to school full day last year and not only are they still alive, they also did not get Covid. So OP's kid was home missing out on kindergarten for no reason. The schools are operating just fine right now with masks, as they would have been last year, had it been attempted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers will be especially empathetic and creative. Kids will have more outdoor play, projects vs sit in seat work. Plus, all that togetherness with you and older sibling will have lasting positive effects. School is a long slog. That extra year may wind up being a gift you don't fully realize at the moment. Think of the many things you taught him, and spending time outdoors together. Make a treasure box (boys love these) of things that made his K year special (his favorite mask, drawings, rocks found on walks, graded schoolwork with stickers, family pics...anything really). He was your pandemic baby. Most of all, big hugs and kisses when you see him after school.

Thanks- these are nice ideas. The year was all a blur for me though, so Im not sure too many great memories were made...sadly :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be sad. It does suck. (I have a first grade kid too.)

But: my kid is so happy to go to school. HE doesn’t care he “missed” a year of school. And he didn’t miss a year of childhood - it just looked different. He played, learned to read, fought with his brothers, taught the dog to roll over, etc. He had a decent year, even though he missed out on things. Try not to be sad for someone where that person isn’t sad.

+1

I think it was less noticeable for 5 year olds than for older kids, actually. Try to look for the positives in the experience, like he got to spend more time with his family last year, more time playing independently, mornings wren't rushed, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can be sad. It does suck. (I have a first grade kid too.)

But: my kid is so happy to go to school. HE doesn’t care he “missed” a year of school. And he didn’t miss a year of childhood - it just looked different. He played, learned to read, fought with his brothers, taught the dog to roll over, etc. He had a decent year, even though he missed out on things. Try not to be sad for someone where that person isn’t sad.

+1

Your kid didn't miss a year of childhood. He had a different year. My ES student LIKED staying home with us. She thought it was fantastic that we all got to spend more time together. She was happy to go back, but she wasn't sad to be home.

Agree with both PP. Similar situation. Perspective is everything. Both kids loved being home with us and doing things as a family. It wasn't always pretty, but for the most part it was really good. Only one really wanted to go back to school. He's my social kid and the other is a total introvert.

[Anonymous]

The younger kids didn’t really know what they were missing out on. It’s more us parents who know what their life would have looked like otherwise and compare.
I’m sad too for the things my kids missed out on, but they are fine and don’t harp on what things could have been like

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I was also in your position. But my first grader seems fine. And - last year was just a blip in his existence. For me - I think of it as - I am so proud of my kid and family for being resilient and sticking thru the year and having learned some things..this was his one of many difficulties/inconveniences of life.. And —what is a “normal” childhood? I think I’m striving to give my kid a good.. rather than a normal childhood- as long as he is an independent thinker, kind and generous.. then thats all I can ask. I’m sure your kid is just fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I was also in your position. But my first grader seems fine. And - last year was just a blip in his existence. For me - I think of it as - I am so proud of my kid and family for being resilient and sticking thru the year and having learned some things..this was his one of many difficulties/inconveniences of life.. And —what is a “normal” childhood? I think I’m striving to give my kid a good.. rather than a normal childhood- as long as he is an independent thinker, kind and generous.. then thats all I can ask. I’m sure your kid is just fine!

Good perspective for sure! My ds is now being labeled as "low" in terms of his academics when he never was that way pre-pandemic, so its also really tough to know that he didnt get a fair shot at learning and now is starting his education behind. Hes also young for the grade so that doesnt help. Its just all around disappointing and upsetting. I appreciate all everyone on this theead has said- its all very optimistic which is what I need!

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you are working with a therapist and she will guide you in examining your feelings about this issue. But sometimes when we have overwhelming anger and sadness about a child missing out or being denied something, it’s an echo from our own childhood. Is there something you are holding onto, a way you felt very denied in childhood? That can come roaring up and it’s a horrible feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Good perspective for sure! My ds is now being labeled as "low" in terms of his academics when he never was that way pre-pandemic, so its also really tough to know that he didnt get a fair shot at learning and now is starting his education behind. Hes also young for the grade so that doesnt help. Its just all around disappointing and upsetting. I appreciate all everyone on this theead has said- its all very optimistic which is what I need!

Make sure your child is in the best learning situation for them with a teacher that is supportive, encouraging. Not all kids come out of KG ready for the change that is 1st even in a normal year. It's the time to get help if needed. The next goalpost is 3rd grade. With your help, he'll end up on a learning path you can both be happy with.

[Anonymous]

OP you didn't mention what kind of therapy you are in, but I would highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy.

It does a really good job in pointing out flawed thinking and coaches you on how to fix it.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is- we feel exactly the same as you OP.