Separation/Divorce when no one will or can move

[Anonymous]

Tak with a good lawyer. You have options but they don’t involve forcing him out. It is telling that he works an hour away, is never home, files for divorced, knows you don’t want to live with him, yet he won’t move out and make a temp custody arrangement even for weekends. Telling in that he seems High Conflict.

[Anonymous]

I met with my attorney and moved out. I rented a house in the same school district. I was lucky that we are high earners. We eventually sold the martial home and we both bought separate houses. This took a couple years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tak with a good lawyer. You have options but they don’t involve forcing him out. It is telling that he works an hour away, is never home, files for divorced, knows you don’t want to live with him, yet he won’t move out[b] and make a temp custody arrangement even for weekends. Telling in that he seems High Conflict.

maybe she was banging other men in the house. you are only hearing her side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tak with a good lawyer. You have options but they don’t involve forcing him out. It is telling that he works an hour away, is never home, files for divorced, knows you don’t want to live with him, yet he won’t move out[b] and make a temp custody arrangement even for weekends. Telling in that he seems High Conflict.

maybe she was banging other men in the house. you are only hearing her side.

Ha. Yeah, with all that childcare happening around me.
No cheating on either side. We are so far gone at this point that I'm not sure I would even consider anything on spouse's part cheating, I'm done, so I can't very well say don't go looking elsewhere. Be my guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tak with a good lawyer. You have options but they don’t involve forcing him out. It is telling that he works an hour away, is never home, files for divorced, knows you don’t want to live with him, yet he won’t move out[b] and make a temp custody arrangement even for weekends. Telling in that he seems High Conflict.

maybe she was banging other men in the house. you are only hearing her side.

Moving out is work!

Caring for children is work!

Saying “I’m not doing anything” is easy, lazy, and an attempt at control.

With these types you need to get the court dates and lawyers talking to get anything done. Living in the same house with this type really won’t work. He won’t man up and move and make temp agreements.

[Anonymous]

If you’d be happy to move out, do it. Life isn’t logical. Sounds like you both like each other, the kids, and/or the house enough that nobody is happy to do anything but stay there.. which is fine. Work on the marriage.


In home separations will be terrible. How does it work, your soon to be ex is watching tv in the den, do you just ignore them? What happens if he’s with the kids watching something, do you just slink back to your room? How do you handle it if a game goes into overtime, “sorry, my turn, go off to your room now and watch the rest on the ipad, and oh by the way, don’t share your joy or disappointment with me, tell the kids, but you’ll have to do it when I’m not around”.

What about food you all enjoy as a family? If you all like cake and you buy it for “you and the kids” because you know tomorrow will be rainy and cake for breakfast always makes the day brighter, do you toss out half of a pretty nice cake just to keep the other spouse from enjoying some?
If he leaves his clothes in the washer, do you let them literally rot so you aren’t “doing his laundry?”

It gets to the level of absurdity, op.


Parenting time won’t be followed, why would it be when you are “literally home with the kids”?

How will you handle home repairs? Our furnace broke, and while we could have “kept it going it was just a matter of time before it bit the big one. We decided to get a new one because we care about each other’s comfort. If I had planned to “move out eventually” I’d not have given a rat’s behind about the furnace. Why would I when I wouldn’t be there to enjoy a nice warm house?

As for a lawyer, find one who will answer youru questions. A lawyer telling you to “come to an agreement” is like a caterer that tells you “go to the grocery store, buy the food, then cook the food, then have your husband cook the rest of the food, and oh my fee for this advice is $500”.

Not all lawyers are good or even helpful to your situation. If you truly are “happy to move out” then find a lawyer that can tell you how to do it given your state laws. My guess is you dont want to move, so you haven’t found the person who can make that happen for you.

Posters are right, you can’t force someone with a legal right to the property to move just because you don’t like them.. which is essentially all a divorce is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’d be happy to move out, do it. Life isn’t logical. Sounds like you both like each other, the kids, and/or the house enough that nobody is happy to do anything but stay there.. which is fine. Work on the marriage.


In home separations will be terrible. How does it work, your soon to be ex is watching tv in the den, do you just ignore them? What happens if he’s with the kids watching something, do you just slink back to your room? How do you handle it if a game goes into overtime, “sorry, my turn, go off to your room now and watch the rest on the ipad, and oh by the way, don’t share your joy or disappointment with me, tell the kids, but you’ll have to do it when I’m not around”.

What about food you all enjoy as a family? If you all like cake and you buy it for “you and the kids” because you know tomorrow will be rainy and cake for breakfast always makes the day brighter, do you toss out half of a pretty nice cake just to keep the other spouse from enjoying some?
If he leaves his clothes in the washer, do you let them literally rot so you aren’t “doing his laundry?”

It gets to the level of absurdity, op.


Parenting time won’t be followed, why would it be when you are “literally home with the kids”?

How will you handle home repairs? Our furnace broke, and while we could have “kept it going it was just a matter of time before it bit the big one. We decided to get a new one because we care about each other’s comfort. If I had planned to “move out eventually” I’d not have given a rat’s behind about the furnace. Why would I when I wouldn’t be there to enjoy a nice warm house?

As for a lawyer, find one who will answer youru questions. A lawyer telling you to “come to an agreement” is like a caterer that tells you “go to the grocery store, buy the food, then cook the food, then have your husband cook the rest of the food, and oh my fee for this advice is $500”.

Not all lawyers are good or even helpful to your situation. If you truly are “happy to move out” then find a lawyer that can tell you how to do it given your state laws. My guess is you dont want to move, so you haven’t found the person who can make that happen for you.

Posters are right, you can’t force someone with a legal right to the property to move just because you don’t like them.. which is essentially all a divorce is.

Have you done an in-home separation? If not, you don't know what you are talking about it. I did. It was fine. We lived that way for YEARS. You don't need to say it is awful when you really have no idea how a couple interacts and if they can or can not do it. And to your question, yes, we just ignored each other and stayed in different parts of the house...our marriage was like that and so was our separation. We always ate separately and did not do any social events for many years. He did nothing until kids were school age. And then we did everythign separately with kids. Just like an in-home separation. It is really not that hard. If you want a divorce, it's not hard. So no need to comment on it so negatively. It is a good way to figure out permanent housing when going through a divorce. It is as hard as the couple wants to make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’d be happy to move out, do it. Life isn’t logical. Sounds like you both like each other, the kids, and/or the house enough that nobody is happy to do anything but stay there.. which is fine. Work on the marriage.


In home separations will be terrible. How does it work, your soon to be ex is watching tv in the den, do you just ignore them? What happens if he’s with the kids watching something, do you just slink back to your room? How do you handle it if a game goes into overtime, “sorry, my turn, go off to your room now and watch the rest on the ipad, and oh by the way, don’t share your joy or disappointment with me, tell the kids, but you’ll have to do it when I’m not around”.

What about food you all enjoy as a family? If you all like cake and you buy it for “you and the kids” because you know tomorrow will be rainy and cake for breakfast always makes the day brighter, do you toss out half of a pretty nice cake just to keep the other spouse from enjoying some?
If he leaves his clothes in the washer, do you let them literally rot so you aren’t “doing his laundry?”

It gets to the level of absurdity, op.


Parenting time won’t be followed, why would it be when you are “literally home with the kids”?

How will you handle home repairs? Our furnace broke, and while we could have “kept it going it was just a matter of time before it bit the big one. We decided to get a new one because we care about each other’s comfort. If I had planned to “move out eventually” I’d not have given a rat’s behind about the furnace. Why would I when I wouldn’t be there to enjoy a nice warm house?

As for a lawyer, find one who will answer youru questions. A lawyer telling you to “come to an agreement” is like a caterer that tells you “go to the grocery store, buy the food, then cook the food, then have your husband cook the rest of the food, and oh my fee for this advice is $500”.

Not all lawyers are good or even helpful to your situation. If you truly are “happy to move out” then find a lawyer that can tell you how to do it given your state laws. My guess is you dont want to move, so you haven’t found the person who can make that happen for you.

Posters are right, you can’t force someone with a legal right to the property to move just because you don’t like them.. which is essentially all a divorce is.

Have you done an in-home separation? If not, you don't know what you are talking about it. I did. It was fine. We lived that way for YEARS. You don't need to say it is awful when you really have no idea how a couple interacts and if they can or can not do it. And to your question, yes, we just ignored each other and stayed in different parts of the house...our marriage was like that and so was our separation. We always ate separately and did not do any social events for many years. He did nothing until kids were school age. And then we did everythign separately with kids. Just like an in-home separation. It is really not that hard. If you want a divorce, it's not hard. So no need to comment on it so negatively. It is a good way to figure out permanent housing when going through a divorce. It is as hard as the couple wants to make it.

Actually, it is only as hard as one person makes it. We lived that way for nine weeks with escalating annoying behavior on his part until he realized I wouldn’t move out. Then the physical threats started. Took only two more weeks for him to act on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My partner has been doing this to me for YEARS, it sucks. She treats me like shit, blames me for everything, agrees the relationship is effectively over, but still refuses to either move out or make the necessary agreements to have me move out.

But you could compromise and move out if it was that important to you.

I sort of can’t because she won’t sign any of the necessary legal documentation to protect my relationship with my kids or to assure financials. Keeps delaying and coming up with reasons not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My partner has been doing this to me for YEARS, it sucks. She treats me like shit, blames me for everything, agrees the relationship is effectively over, but still refuses to either move out or make the necessary agreements to have me move out.

But you could compromise and move out if it was that important to you.

I sort of can’t because she won’t sign any of the necessary legal documentation to protect my relationship with my kids or to assure financials. Keeps delaying and coming up with reasons not to.

This is why my divorce took two years instead of one. Took at least a year to do a PSA. We did an in home separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My partner has been doing this to me for YEARS, it sucks. She treats me like shit, blames me for everything, agrees the relationship is effectively over, but still refuses to either move out or make the necessary agreements to have me move out.

But you could compromise and move out if it was that important to you.

I sort of can’t because she won’t sign any of the necessary legal documentation to protect my relationship with my kids or to assure financials. Keeps delaying and coming up with reasons not to.

What is she countering with that you won’t agree with?