Parents of kids w/ later bedtimes (9pm or later, say): How do you have couple time?

[Anonymous]

As our kids went to bed later so did we. Problem solved! You need to adapt. It was pretty tough when our kids were in HS because one of them stayed up until midnight which was a problem but we would just have “quiet” couple time and that ended when we became empty nesters.

[Anonymous]

Mornings chats, weekly dates if we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a twice a week date night. I don't get the issue.

This! How much couple time do you need beyond that?

DH and I shower together most mornings to chat while kid still sleeps, and then cuddle in bed after he goes to sleep (around 10). The rest of the day is go go go with work and chauffeuring to activities and helping with homework. Sometimes he’ll have a weekend play date and we will use that as free babysitting to have lunch together. We don’t have any family nearby, so sitting is expensive.

[Anonymous]

Where there is a will, there is a way! If couple time is a real priority you can make it happen and it may require some imagination but it’s very possible.

[Anonymous]

My kids didn’t have a 9pm bedtime until middle school. Pro tip: don’t plan too far in advance.

[Anonymous]

Is couple time a code phrase for sex? Or do you genuinely mean time for the two of you to just talk without kid interruption?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like you have A LOT of time with your husband right now. Definitely more than anyone I know. I don't think your marriage will suffer even if you have to sacrifice a little evening time.

My toddler son actually goes to sleep around 9:30 **GASP**. (He should probably drop his nap, but I'm keeping his nap for now because I'd rather have him nap than have an early bedtime.)

One thing my husband and I do is get ready for bed, get all the dishes done, etc etc BEFORE our son goes to bed. That way he goes to bed and we have 60-90 mins to just hang out. Honestly, when both my children went to bed earlier (730 or 8), my husband and I ended up doing dishes, stretching, taking showers, etc until about 930 anyway, so it's not like it was really couple time.

We only go out for a date about once a month, too. Honestly, I really don't feel like we are suffering for couple time. We have sex regularly, we hang out every night for an or so, sometimes we stay up too late talking or having sex but oh well. We all eat meals together and sometimes the kids will play after dinner while my husband and I are still at the table. Or if we drive somewhere, the kids are pretty quiet in the backseat and my husband and I can chat up front. I dunno, it works out.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP that is a ton of couple time and also a lot of planing ahead when kids and how they change is hard to predict.

Personally I wouldn't want to be away from my kids 2 evenings a week when I already work FT.

[Anonymous]

On the weekend, instead of a nap my kid just plays quietly in her room. That gives me and DH time together.

[Anonymous]

For us that was like middle school age during the school year.

They have their own pretty full lives by then. Sports, Scouts, etc. If you can be a parent who drops off instead of attending each activity you get some time then.

Through elementary school during the year, bedtime was about 8:30ish. So we hung out from 9 to 11 p.m. each night.

[Anonymous]

You get less time alone 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s part of parenting. You already have 2 date nights a week and early morning coffee and 2 hours after bedtime. You’re already doing better than most of us 😉

[Anonymous]

I think you can keep your kid's bedtime around 8:30-9 for quite a while - until they are basically able to entertain themselves anyway (i.e. preteen/teen). It is hard to sometimes feel like you never get a chance to relax, especially if your kids are acting out and not going right to sleep so you have to go in again and tell them to turn lights off, etc., but you can basically have time together for 1-1.5 hours before you go to bed, even if they go to bed at 9pm.

[Anonymous]

The biggest thing is daycare. My kids have low sleep needs. Daycare regs required a 2 hour nap because of state regs. My kids did not need the nap and would fidget in the dark room for an hour or so before falling asleep and then daycare "wouldn't want to wake them up" so they slept until 4. Then despite running them hard from 4:15 to 8, they would not go down before 9:30/10. Then covid hit, daycare closed, and we had no more mandatory naps. Kids were in bed by 8 and are so much happier. It was so extreme of a difference that we hired a nanny so my kids wouldn't have to nap (the late bed times caused horrible mornings and made the kids hate daycare and daycare refuses to work with us )

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster above and half my reply got deleted. It was supposed to say, late betimes really aren't an issue when they're young. Unless daycare is messing up your schedule. By the time they have late bed times they can self entertain

[Anonymous]

You get alone time now? Must be nice.