Parents of kids w/ later bedtimes (9pm or later, say): How do you have couple time?

[Anonymous]

Mom of 2yo here. She is an only child by choice. I really value adult time with my DH and try to prioritize my marriage first above our child, as much as we love her.

Parents of older kids with later bedtimes -- how and when do you get alone time with your spouse? My DH likes to go to bed early (10:00-10:30 at latest) and I don't want our "just us" time in the evenings to diminish as our child grows older and stays up later. She is a good independent player already, so I can imagine her doing something on her own or in a different room...is that a way to get alone time?

We do have babysitter date nights/afternoons 2x a week currently and plan to continue that, but I don't want that to be our only alone time. We also wake up early in the mornings for adult-only coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 2yo here. She is an only child by choice. I really value adult time with my DH and try to prioritize my marriage first above our child, as much as we love her.

Parents of older kids with later bedtimes -- how and when do you get alone time with your spouse? My DH likes to go to bed early (10:00-10:30 at latest) and I don't want our "just us" time in the evenings to diminish as our child grows older and stays up later. She is a good independent player already, so I can imagine her doing something on her own or in a different room...is that a way to get alone time?

We do have babysitter date nights/afternoons 2x a week currently and plan to continue that, but I don't want that to be our only alone time. We also wake up early in the mornings for adult-only coffee.

to clarify, our 2yo DD goes to bed at 7pm, 7:30 at latest. I'm asking for the future.

[Anonymous]

well, it was a problem during the elementary years, but don't worry, by the time she hits 10 or 11, she'll start wanting to spend all her time in her room by herself and you will have lots of couple time.

[Anonymous]

By the time my kids were going to bed that late, they had things like scouts, or church youth group, or baseball practice that kept them out of the house some evenings.

This year, with covid, it's not so much like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time my kids were going to bed that late, they had things like scouts, or church youth group, or baseball practice that kept them out of the house some evenings.

This year, with covid, it's not so much like that.

Oh good point, activities, and hopefully playing with friends and whatnot. Yes I guess I'm asking with the assumption that life will be normal again in a few years when this is relevant ahaha ugh

[Anonymous]

We don’t prioritize couple time during the weekdays. We have it during some weekends when grandparents babysit. That’s fine with us. During weekdays we’re all about spending time with the kids, maybe logging into work if needed, and relaxing with our own books. We’re not big TV people and IMO that’s what most people when they have “couple time.” On the weekends will watch a show or movie together, or go out for dinner, or walk around DC.

We have a strong loving partnership but I guess the interaction we get during daily life (plus the occasional weekend outings) is enough for us. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Couple time doesn't have to only be in the evening. Teens leave for school year and have tons of activities during the day.

[Anonymous]

leave for school early.

[Anonymous]

I mean, your kid is two. She should have bedtime between seven and eight until she is at least eight. Maybe push it to nine once she is nine or ten.

I'd worry about this once it's upon you, like, years from now. in the meantime, encourage her to go to bed early!

[Anonymous]

During the day while they are at school. Im too damn tired after dinner anyway.

[Anonymous]

We don't, mainly because I prioritize my own sleep, for various reasons, and DH goes back to work for another hour or 2 after the kids are in bed. We used to have either grandparents watching the kids or a babysitter once a month, but haven't since the pandemic started.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a problem. Once your kids are older you can spend time with your spouse while the kids are awake. They don't need you to supervise.

Eventually kids sleep later on weekends but by then the parents are trained to be awake by six no matter what.

[Anonymous]

If you mean couple time in a completely g rated way,‘it isn’t as big a deal when they are older. I can have a whole conversation with DH while my eight year old is in the room. The kid doesn’t need such constant attention that you have to choose which to prioritize.

[Anonymous]

You have a twice a week date night. I don't get the issue.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were little my husband got home around 6 and wanted to spend as much time with them as he could. We kept them up late to facilitate that. It did not bother either of us to spend time together as a family in the evenings rather than the two of us having "couple time".

Once they started school and had to get up fairly early we started putting them to bed earlier, like before nine.