S/O Do people really feel this way about exes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the “H is in love with ex” thread, someone mentioned how they still love their exes, loved them enough to realize they weren’t right for each other, the joy of watching exes fall in love with other people, that they were in each others’ weddings….

Do people really feel that way? I don’t have any ill will towards my exes, but I don’t really feel the need to talk to them, and while I hope they do find love, I don’t have any desire to watch it happen. When I found out an ex had gotten married and had a baby, my only thought was “good for him” and then I never gave it a second thought, never felt like reaching out to congratulate him.

The only ex I’ve ever been in touch with is a strange guy who reaches out to show me pics of his quarterly tropical vacations with beautiful women to show me what I’m definitely NOT missing. And even then it’s usually just a “looks fun” and I forget about him until 6 months later when he emails me more pictures.

Am I in the minority here? Is it pretty common to contact and care about exes?

I don't feel that way at all. I don't love my ex, I loved MYSELF to realize it wasn't a good relationship FOR ME and got out, I walked away and didn't look back so have no idea if he fell in love or got married, etc. I just moved on with my life. I haven't talked to him since I was ... 19 or 20?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the “H is in love with ex” thread, someone mentioned how they still love their exes, loved them enough to realize they weren’t right for each other, the joy of watching exes fall in love with other people, that they were in each others’ weddings….

Do people really feel that way? I don’t have any ill will towards my exes, but I don’t really feel the need to talk to them, and while I hope they do find love, I don’t have any desire to watch it happen. When I found out an ex had gotten married and had a baby, my only thought was “good for him” and then I never gave it a second thought, never felt like reaching out to congratulate him.

The only ex I’ve ever been in touch with is a strange guy who reaches out to show me pics of his quarterly tropical vacations with beautiful women to show me what I’m definitely NOT missing. And even then it’s usually just a “looks fun” and I forget about him until 6 months later when he emails me more pictures.

Am I in the minority here? Is it pretty common to contact and care about exes?

I don't feel that way at all. I don't love my ex, I loved MYSELF to realize it wasn't a good relationship FOR ME and got out, I walked away and didn't look back so have no idea if he fell in love or got married, etc. I just moved on with my life. I haven't talked to him since I was ... 19 or 20?

right, i think a teen relationship is different than one where you spent years together as adults and lived together and considered marriage, like in the other post. I have someone in that category and there is totally a feeling of "this is a parallel life" that I get when I see his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the situation... I have two ex boyfriends I spent a long time with (4 years and 5 years) and I feel no ill will towards them, but I have absolutely no desire for them anymore. I don't know why -- clearly I enjoyed sleeping with them for years. But now it's gone.

I feel more attraction to random new men I meet (fleeting!). I have a feeling it's more common for women to feel that way once they move on. I think men are more likely to keep some attraction going and replay the "highlight reel".

Now here is a woman who definitely knows men! I love my wife and have no interest contact with my exes, other than no-message Facebook friendships with some of them. But boy, I sure do love my highlight reel; I don't think I could live without it!

[Anonymous]

I’m thankful for my exes because I learned what I didn’t like so by the time I met my husband I had a good idea about what I liked. After a few dates I knew he could be the one without having yet slept with him. Then I wondered what if I disappoint him and I became very nervous so the first night we hooked up I used everything I had learned from my exes to make sure I didn’t disappoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the “H is in love with ex” thread, someone mentioned how they still love their exes, loved them enough to realize they weren’t right for each other, the joy of watching exes fall in love with other people, that they were in each others’ weddings….

Do people really feel that way? I don’t have any ill will towards my exes, but I don’t really feel the need to talk to them, and while I hope they do find love, I don’t have any desire to watch it happen. When I found out an ex had gotten married and had a baby, my only thought was “good for him” and then I never gave it a second thought, never felt like reaching out to congratulate him.

The only ex I’ve ever been in touch with is a strange guy who reaches out to show me pics of his quarterly tropical vacations with beautiful women to show me what I’m definitely NOT missing. And even then it’s usually just a “looks fun” and I forget about him until 6 months later when he emails me more pictures.

Am I in the minority here? Is it pretty common to contact and care about exes?

I have been friends with an ex since he dumped me in 1989. He has been married three times and has three kids. My late husband officiated at his last wedding. I broke up with someone in spring, and we have gotten together for a drink a couple times as friends. I still care about him as a person. I have lost too many people to early death to not have people I care about in my life in some capacity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that the people who want to remain friends with their exes are the people that cannot stand it when other people don't like them. I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not going to label those people insecure, co-dependent, etc. but it's definitely something.

I think they feel ownership and a need to believe nobody else is better.

Alternatively, I think they like to keep him/her on a back burner and potential 'no strings' for life thing.

I really think no good comes from having an intimate opposite friendship with someone outside of your spouse (who you had lots of prior sex with). (not talking about casual guy friend, work, neighbor, etc.). I mean look at Bill Gates and his lifelong 'friend' and Prince Charles with his 'Camilla is just a good friend'.

No way in hell would I enter into a marriage with someone so hung up on a past love, which OP I don't think is your case, btw.

Who was Bill Gates’s lifelong friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that the people who want to remain friends with their exes are the people that cannot stand it when other people don't like them. I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not going to label those people insecure, co-dependent, etc. but it's definitely something.

I think they feel ownership and a need to believe nobody else is better.

Alternatively, I think they like to keep him/her on a back burner and potential 'no strings' for life thing.

I really think no good comes from having an intimate opposite friendship with someone outside of your spouse (who you had lots of prior sex with). (not talking about casual guy friend, work, neighbor, etc.). I mean look at Bill Gates and his lifelong 'friend' and Prince Charles with his 'Camilla is just a good friend'.

No way in hell would I enter into a marriage with someone so hung up on a past love, which OP I don't think is your case, btw.

Who was Bill Gates’s lifelong friend?

The woman he met on a weekend away every single year since the day he married Melinda. And she knew this and agreed to the 'friendship'.

An interview from 1997 revealed Bill and Melinda Gates had an agreement that allowed Bill to spend one weekend a year with his ex girlfriend, Ann Winblad.

https://www.foxbusiness.com/business-leaders/bill-gates-took-getaways-with-his-ex-girlfriend-after-marriage-to-melinda

https://www.businessinsider.com/in-1997-bill-melinda-had-agreement-bills-yearly-trip-ex-2021-5

[Anonymous]

I would drink motor oil before contacting my two most serious exes. Looking back, they weren't really good people. And it's been so long ago, who cares?

A man

[Anonymous]

I have 2 ex’s I feel that way about.

One was my HS boyfriend but we broke up to go to college. No hard feelings. He is wonderful and I’m truly happy he has great life.

The other was my college BF who was 2 years older than me and headed to law school when I was still in undergrad. I was so sad to break up but it is what it is. He was also amazing and I hope the best for him.

I can say that I really love them and that love never died.

I also believe you marry the right person and along the way you might have many great loves.