Why does my friend not realize this guy is a loser?

[Anonymous]

Him: mid 40s. HS diploma. Works as a handyman/remodller type. Divorced. Lives in a relative's basement. Has kids and child support from a previous marriage. Balding, overweight, not very handsome. Not particularly articulate, doesn't read books or newspapers. Admitted he cheated on his first wife.

Her: mid 40s. Bachelor's. Tall, thin, attractive, intelligent. Divorced, gainfully employed professional, sold her SFH as part of her divorce and now rents a SFH.

Is it just that single ladies in their 40s are so desperate???

[Anonymous]

Why does your friend not realize she's friends with a loser?

A divorced guy who is making personal sacrifices (living in a relative's basement) in order to make his child support payments isn't necessarily a bad guy. And just because you don't find him handsome or charming doesn't mean she doesn't. The cheating is a red flag, but if he's come clean about it, is working on his issues, etc. -- why doesn't he deserve a second chance?

You sound like a judgmental bitch. I hope your friend finds all the happiness she deserves, and that includes friends who support her.

[Anonymous]

Although on paper this guy doesn't sound like much, perhaps he has the emotional maturity and sensitivity that she needs. Perhaps he has the soul of a poet. Who knows? And I agree with the PP that the fact that he's meeting his child support obligations speaks well of him.

Why is the fact that he's balding and overweight a concern to anyone? Very, very, superficial, And I wouldn't be articulate around you either, OP. You're scary.

[Anonymous]

Wow... judgemental much??? Why don't you step off of your high horse long enough to mind your own business. I really hope you haven't said any of these things to your friend. These are two people trying to find happiness, and these two people, are the only ones who can determine if this brings them that happiness or not. And if it does, just be happy for your friend.

[Anonymous]

MYOB.

[Anonymous]

I'd wonder the same thing if this were my friend, but I would keep my mouth shut! Who knows what the connection is. Unless there's something objectively bad about the guy or their relationship, let her figure it out. Plus, maybe in her mind it's not serious, etc.

[Anonymous]

i agree with the PPs. why exactly is he a loser? a lack of intellectual credentials doesn't a loser make. the cheating ... not cool, but who knows what went on in that marriage, and it seems like he is honest about it at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although on paper this guy doesn't sound like much, perhaps he has the emotional maturity and sensitivity that she needs. Perhaps he has the soul of a poet. Who knows? And I agree with the PP that the fact that he's meeting his child support obligations speaks well of him.

Why is the fact that he's balding and overweight a concern to anyone? Very, very, superficial, And I wouldn't be articulate around you either, OP. You're scary.

Agree - OP YOU sound like the loser....

[Anonymous]

38-year-old single mom here. On paper, he doesn't sound great. But sometimes you meet great guys who aren't great on paper. I've dated a few who weren't especially impressive to look at but who had amazing personalities. A couple of the very bad-on-paper guys were really great boyfriends who have continued to be great friends after we broke up.

Unless he's treating her badly, stay out of it. and if she's a real friend, then you owe it to her to give him a chance.

[Anonymous]

OP - how did your friend's first DH look on paper?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he treats her well. Maybe they laugh and have fun. Maybe he's really good in bed.

[Anonymous]

On paper, I'm pretty fabulous. In real life, I'm a total bore.

What's it matter to you anyway? If he's simply an embarrassment to you and not harming your friend MYOB, please.

[Anonymous]

The guy is great in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy is great in bed?

To her he may be funny, and makes her laugh, isn't afraid to cry at a sad movie or book, he is gentle, kind, generous, loves his children. Mainly, because he fulfills a need in her life--love, affection, appreciation, attention, plus, in bed, he may be the greatest thing since slicd rye bread. Who knows why we find some people attractive and others repulsive. Another thing is that he can actually help her do something useful around house, or help with a car, rather than a lawyer who is afraid he will get his white shirt dirty.

In my family there is an unwritten rule that we never disparrage anyone's choice of mate, whether married or not. I follow this same rule with friends. I have a friend whose husband was wealthy, handsome, well educated but who slept with every woman he met (except me, but he did ask), drank like a fish, got another woman pregnant. I sympathized with her and gave her a shoulder to cry on. He wasn't worthy of her but I never said this to her until she finally realized this for herself.

[Anonymous]

Stop judging OP. Maybe OP detects something creepy about the guy. Who knows? Maybe the guy seems unpleasant. OP, have you talked to your friend about the guy? Maybe if you asked her (not meanly) but what she loves about the guy you can see a wider perspective. Is she says she loves his honesty, his kindness, his passion for example, leave it alone. However, if she says she loves that he has every episode of family guy on tape and can burp the national anthem, then yeah, maybe you should kindly let her know about her other options.