Drinking//alcoholism

[Anonymous]

Left to his own devices, my husband would probably drink 3 drinks/night Sunday through Thursday and 5 drinks on Fri/Sat (25 drinks/week). With constant vigilance/nagging, I can probably keep him to under 20 drinks/week -- maybe as low as 17 or 18. However, he hides drinking (even if it's just one beer) from me when I try to lay down rules (no drinking on a school night, etc.).

I see no ill effects from the drinking he does, even when it's excessive. He's never mean; he does fine at work. However, I don't see how a person can drink at this rate and not become an alcoholic. He drinks significantly more than he did when I first met him, and I have no reason to believe that his drinking won't increase as he ages. He seems to have zero respect for alcohol or the fact that it is addictive.

Am I correct in thinking that this is a problem, even though the drinking itself doesn't seem to be causing any major problems? Is al-anon an appropriate resource at this point?

[Anonymous]

He is what is referred to as a functioning alcoholic, he can probably do this his entire life, many do but over time his need to reach that "high" increases and so does the behavior that goes along with it.

Get some help together, let him know he doesn't have to do it alone.

[Anonymous]

My MIL's long-time boyfriend is currently dying from complications due to alcoholism. It's not pretty. He was also a functioning alcoholic but it's finally catching up to him. Sorry, OP, and good luck.

[Anonymous]

WW allow up to 2 drinks for man and 1 for woman. Don't know what that means...

[Anonymous]

This is a great place to start:

http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband is an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I'm so sorry. He's definitely a problem drinker if not an alcoholic. When is the last time he's gone a few days without a drink, even a beer?

I'd go to an Al Anon meeting and suss out a plan for yourself.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Good luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

I pretty much think anytime you have to start putting rules on drinking then it has clearly become a problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with the pps who suggest Al-Anon. Another thing people say is to try 6 meetings before you decide whether it is for you or not. Also try different meetings because they have different "temperaments" so to speak, depending on who usually goes. One might not be your cup of tea but another might suit you perfectly.

Unfortunately one thing you will find out is that trying to control your husband's drinking is a losing proposition and will just drive you crazy without really changing him. But there are things you can do to make your life and your children's lives (if you have them) much better. Al-Anon will help you with that.

At any rate, your husband may be functioning okay at this point but it is not much of a life and it will most likely get worse. You're right to look for some help with this. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Tell him to move to England (or any other place in Europe, for that matter). His behavior would be considered absolutely, completely normal there. Three drinks a night is not a problem from a health perspective, and unless he shows some sort of dependency it's extremely unlikely things will get worse.

It's pretty obvious that most of the terrible advice on this thread comes from folks who've been scarred by their experiences with alcoholics--so their projection is understandable--but alarmist proclamations like "your husband may be functioning okay at this point but it is not much of a life, and it will most likely get worse" is just irrational.

I assure you many, many people around the world have a few drinks every evening and have perfectly fulfilling lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to move to England (or any other place in Europe, for that matter). His behavior would be considered absolutely, completely normal there. Three drinks a night is not a problem from a health perspective, and unless he shows some sort of dependency it's extremely unlikely things will get worse.

It's pretty obvious that most of the terrible advice on this thread comes from folks who've been scarred by their experiences with alcoholics--so their projection is understandable--but alarmist proclamations like "your husband may be functioning okay at this point but it is not much of a life, and it will most likely get worse" is just irrational.

I assure you many, many people around the world have a few drinks every evening and have perfectly fulfilling lives.

Spoken like a true alcoholic.

By that same reasoning, most of the people in the US are in great physical shape. Since the majority are overweight we will just consider that healthy.

[Anonymous]

He is what is referred to as a functioning alcoholic, he can probably do this his entire life, many do but over time his need to reach that "high" increases and so does the behavior that goes along with it.

My father and mother are about 70. They're in great health--especially my father--and they both drink about 2-4 drinks a day for as long as I can remember. They're originally both from Europe. I guess the genetic makeup of Europeans is completely different from Americans--apparently they have the ability to act this way without collapsing into a puddle of alcoholic dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to move to England (or any other place in Europe, for that matter). His behavior would be considered absolutely, completely normal there. Three drinks a night is not a problem from a health perspective, and unless he shows some sort of dependency it's extremely unlikely things will get worse.

It's pretty obvious that most of the terrible advice on this thread comes from folks who've been scarred by their experiences with alcoholics--so their projection is understandable--but alarmist proclamations like "your husband may be functioning okay at this point but it is not much of a life, and it will most likely get worse" is just irrational.

I assure you many, many people around the world have a few drinks every evening and have perfectly fulfilling lives.

Spoken like a true alcoholic.

By that same reasoning, most of the people in the US are in great physical shape. Since the majority are overweight we will just consider that healthy.

My guess is most of the most strident pro-temperance ladies here are either children of alcoholics or recovering alcoholics themselves. Some folks have the gene that makes them incapable of having a drink. They are alcoholics. Others don't. And there's absolutely nothing about having a drink, or two, or even three. Every night if you like.

It's a fallacy to think that everyone shares this psychological malady. In fact, it diminishes the disease, since folks who actually do suffer from it see everyone else who can drink and live a normal life and think, "they're no different than me." But they are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to move to England (or any other place in Europe, for that matter). His behavior would be considered absolutely, completely normal there. Three drinks a night is not a problem from a health perspective, and unless he shows some sort of dependency it's extremely unlikely things will get worse.

It's pretty obvious that most of the terrible advice on this thread comes from folks who've been scarred by their experiences with alcoholics--so their projection is understandable--but alarmist proclamations like "your husband may be functioning okay at this point but it is not much of a life, and it will most likely get worse" is just irrational.

I assure you many, many people around the world have a few drinks every evening and have perfectly fulfilling lives.

My Uncle used to drink everyday, too. He held down a job and a marriage with no problem whatsoever. That is, until he was told he would likely need a liver transplant at the ripe old age of 40.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the issue is the number of drinks that OP's husband has. It's the behavior coming from both him and her around the alcohol. His hiding, her controlling. Major red flags.