My child attends an elite college. It is overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP we totally feel you. I made a post earlier on this forum about my kid at a T10 school not doing very well in his classes or getting involved in extracurriculars and research because he stopped hitting the gas pedal once he got to college. He just received his last rejection from the dozens of summer internships he applied to and it looks like he'll have to work a retail or camp counselor job this summer. Super disappointing.

Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it. And make sure your kid is organized and motivated enough to take advantage of all their school has to offer. Ours got a lot lazier after coming to his elite college and it's been a pretty big embarrassment ever since.

Is he freshman? Internships at that stage are hard to come by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP we totally feel you. I made a post earlier on this forum about my kid at a T10 school not doing very well in his classes or getting involved in extracurriculars and research because he stopped hitting the gas pedal once he got to college. He just received his last rejection from the dozens of summer internships he applied to and it looks like he'll have to work a retail or camp counselor job this summer. Super disappointing.

Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it. And make sure your kid is organized and motivated enough to take advantage of all their school has to offer. Ours got a lot lazier after coming to his elite college and it's been a pretty big embarrassment ever since.

Is your son actually ok? I was suffering from a lot of depression and anxiety in college and my parents told me and everyone in our family that I was "lazy" and "intimidated."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP we totally feel you. I made a post earlier on this forum about my kid at a T10 school not doing very well in his classes or getting involved in extracurriculars and research because he stopped hitting the gas pedal once he got to college. He just received his last rejection from the dozens of summer internships he applied to and it looks like he'll have to work a retail or camp counselor job this summer. Super disappointing.

Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it. And make sure your kid is organized and motivated enough to take advantage of all their school has to offer. Ours got a lot lazier after coming to his elite college and it's been a pretty big embarrassment ever since.

Is your son actually ok? I was suffering from a lot of depression and anxiety in college and my parents told me and everyone in our family that I was "lazy" and "intimidated."

He is a sophomore, so internships this summer are very important. We got him tested and he has no depression or anxiety or any other mental disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, I work in finance and I routinely come across very highly paid people (high six or seven figures) who did not go to “top” colleges.

I’m Gen X but even most of the millennials we employ don’t come from tippy top colleges. Some do but most don’t.

So I’m always wondering why my experience of the world is so different from what “they” say. I made over 800k last year. I consider myself to be Avery successful. No one cares where I went to college.

Money isn’t everything.

I don’t think anyone is saying that money = success. It’s more about prestige of institutions. Ie do you work for a FAANG or Goldman Sachs, etc.

So whats the difference then? Some people think money defines success and you think success means working FOR a fancy company? Shallow people are shallow. Did you ever work for Goldman Sachs or any such company? Do you know what the burn out rate of the young grads who work there is? Why would you want that for your kid? Why would you put your kids in a rate race knowingly?? There is no end to this cycle? Fancy college->fancy company-> promotions->partner etc etc.. it does'nt end.

Bloomberg had an article a few weeks ago about how many of them feel so overworked and miserable that they actually made a presentation to management with the type of charts that they normally put in their pitch decks. It was funny and really sad at the same time.
People also don't seem to be aware of the BS that passes for "work" and the ruthless up-or-out culture at these top I-banks and consulting firms. The "out" side of things is often not very pretty.

[Anonymous]

So did your child graduate? Because I came into my own only at some point in junior year. My college did everything you claim that did not happen but it did not happen overnight. Two years of not bad not great grades and then things clicked. But my growth was more than just grades. I really found out who I was and that provided me with the base for the 30 plus years since then. No doubt in my mind that my school fostered that. Wasn't looking for a spouse. Kind of the opposite.

The opportunity is there. Your DC needs to make the most of it as best he/she can and also get a little luck. But I am who I am today because of that experience. Could I have had it at a state flagship? Maybe but my current thought based on friends from High School that went there is no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP we totally feel you. I made a post earlier on this forum about my kid at a T10 school not doing very well in his classes or getting involved in extracurriculars and research because he stopped hitting the gas pedal once he got to college. He just received his last rejection from the dozens of summer internships he applied to and it looks like he'll have to work a retail or camp counselor job this summer. Super disappointing.

Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it. And make sure your kid is organized and motivated enough to take advantage of all their school has to offer. Ours got a lot lazier after coming to his elite college and it's been a pretty big embarrassment ever since.

How sad for your child, who undoubtedly worked extremely hard to get into an Ivy, that you now consider him a "lazy, embarassment."

Your financial sacrifices have ZERO value in the face of those attitudes.

He would be better off at a community college, blessed with loving, supportive parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP we totally feel you. I made a post earlier on this forum about my kid at a T10 school not doing very well in his classes or getting involved in extracurriculars and research because he stopped hitting the gas pedal once he got to college. He just received his last rejection from the dozens of summer internships he applied to and it looks like he'll have to work a retail or camp counselor job this summer. Super disappointing.

Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it. And make sure your kid is organized and motivated enough to take advantage of all their school has to offer. Ours got a lot lazier after coming to his elite college and it's been a pretty big embarrassment ever since.

How sad for your child, who undoubtedly worked extremely hard to get into an Ivy, that you now consider him a "lazy, embarassment."

Your financial sacrifices have ZERO value in the face of those attitudes.

He would be better off at a community college, blessed with loving, supportive parents.

Dream on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP we totally feel you. I made a post earlier on this forum about my kid at a T10 school not doing very well in his classes or getting involved in extracurriculars and research because he stopped hitting the gas pedal once he got to college. He just received his last rejection from the dozens of summer internships he applied to and it looks like he'll have to work a retail or camp counselor job this summer. Super disappointing.

Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it. And make sure your kid is organized and motivated enough to take advantage of all their school has to offer. Ours got a lot lazier after coming to his elite college and it's been a pretty big embarrassment ever since.

How sad for your child, who undoubtedly worked extremely hard to get into an Ivy, that you now consider him a "lazy, embarassment."

Your financial sacrifices have ZERO value in the face of those attitudes.

He would be better off at a community college, blessed with loving, supportive parents.

I'd be disappointed too if my clearly competent kid is slacking off at a once in a lifetime chance at an expensive elite school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is true. There are some schools that are elite enough that you can use that brand to your advantage when you leave (Harvard) but the reality is, all those rigorous application processes do is allow the schools to discriminate in favor of the genteel, inbred elites, while letting a few plebeians in who know their place: to increase test scores, to feel inferior to the rich kids, and, to one day be the brainpower behind (but never the leadership of) major institutions in this country.

. I know, I know, you will say, but look at Mr. Free Lunch Program, he is a CEO. But the dirty secret of these universities is he would have been just as successful at a state u as an elite one, because that kind of drive is unstoppable. He used them and they used him to keep the myth alive that elite Universities are worth it for the kind of people who need to take out college loans.

Remeber that for the supperrich, of course, it matters not a bit where they send their kids. Will Blue Ivy be any less powerful if she attends Stanford vs Hamilton?

+1 billion.

And it's not even the 'super rich', it's also for rich-enough. We have relatives like that, their kids are dumb as rocks with degrees from Crappy Us. Set for life with trust funds and cushy jobs at Uncle Jason's and Uncle Robert's firms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elite colleges are overrated! We live in Montgomery County. We are surrounded by neighbors who went to Ivy Leagues, HYP, Duke , etc. None of them are any different from those who didn’t go to fancy colleges. Their lifestyle is not any better than other neighbors who went to state schools or no name schools. They work at the same places, go to the same restaurants, shop at the same stores. There is no difference. Plus there isn’t anything remotely impressive about the neighbors who went to fancy schools. Stop this nonsense about elitism and grow up!

The problem with this argument is that you and your neighbors are the ones successful enough to afford your neighborhood. Maybe 50% of HYP grads can afford similar, and only 5% of state flagships grads can. There are many more flagship grads, so average HYP and 95%-tile flagship grads coexist in this affluent community, maybe even as a 50-50% mix. Just because there are many who didn't go to fancy colleges living in a fancy community doesn't mean those colleges produce successful graduates at the same rate as elite schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i also agree that attending an "elite" school is in no way required for success. Our choice in sending out child to a top 10ish full pay SLAC had more to do with the idea that these 4 years are a bridge between living at home and being an independent adult. This school has a particular philosophy that meshes with values we've tried to instill as parents. This was also our child's first choice among the options (probably because of the prestige more than the philosophy). It is a supportive, small environment. We could afford it because we've had 529 plans for many years, and live in a modest house and my spouse doesn't spend any $$ (made easier because the pandemic curtailed MY spending.). So far no regrets, although when the request for help paying for grad school comes along, I think we'll point out that we've already paid enough!

This.

[Anonymous]

If you define HYP as elite and everything else as dog food I guess you are .... entitled to your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, I work in finance and I routinely come across very highly paid people (high six or seven figures) who did not go to “top” colleges.

I’m Gen X but even most of the millennials we employ don’t come from tippy top colleges. Some do but most don’t.

So I’m always wondering why my experience of the world is so different from what “they” say. I made over 800k last year. I consider myself to be Avery successful. No one cares where I went to college.

But do you want to chat with people in the high $ party you are going that you spent 4 years of your youth at Harvard or you went to Podunk University?

What kinds of parties do you go to where people ask that??

I haven’t been asked about college in years. I’m in my 40s.

seriously. if i'm at a party and someone asks me where i went to college, i'll know something has gone very, very wrong. so boring.

Actually, it has been my experience that most people who went to Ivy league schools find a way to bring it up in every conversation. My friends and I joke about it all the time.

They also are private school devotees and will always bring up the fact the their DC is at a Big 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, I work in finance and I routinely come across very highly paid people (high six or seven figures) who did not go to “top” colleges.

I’m Gen X but even most of the millennials we employ don’t come from tippy top colleges. Some do but most don’t.

So I’m always wondering why my experience of the world is so different from what “they” say. I made over 800k last year. I consider myself to be Avery successful. No one cares where I went to college.

But do you want to chat with people in the high $ party you are going that you spent 4 years of your youth at Harvard or you went to Podunk University?

What kinds of parties do you go to where people ask that??

I haven’t been asked about college in years. I’m in my 40s.

seriously. if i'm at a party and someone asks me where i went to college, i'll know something has gone very, very wrong. so boring.

Actually, it has been my experience that most people who went to Ivy league schools find a way to bring it up in every conversation. My friends and I joke about it all the time.

You are going to boring parties.

Agreed. Know a guy who went to HBS and is reasonably successful ($300k). He always makes a point for people to know that he went there. Very tiresome and boring!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I know a lower income student who just graduated from Harvard and does not have a job. And from what we can tell, didn't have any internships of note during his four years, either. I understand the true measurement of value is 10 or so years after graduation when everyone's in a career and finished with grad and professional school, but so far, it seems this young man seems to have squandered his time in Cambridge.